Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Stalin84]

The end of my time in Korea is drawing nigh. I've been here for nearly three years.

The first year here was pretty hectic for me. It was essentially anarchy. I think it's like that for everyone who works at a crappy hagwon their first year and doesn't even know what is going to happen from one day to the next. But that was also the fun of it, I think the first year, despite the anarchy was the enjoyable year. I think back to the worst students I had (and we had a lot of horrible behaviour at that hagwon) and while I used to be so frustrated at the time, now all I can do is laugh when I retell their stories to other people.

In my second year I came to work for a public high school and assumed that the roller coaster would end and I'd simply be comfortable. Well, I did gain consistency. A decent apartment, no late paycheques and aside from my school's horrendous policy of not telling me what was going to happen within the next five minutes--ever--my days were largely repeats of the previous day and there weren't many major surprises.

Despite all this though, I've been suffering from major anxiety since I've come to Korea. I thought I'd be able to adjust perfectly as I'm a young, fit and active guy. I was in the military as a teenager and had no problems, I moved out on my own when I was 17 and I loved it even though I was broke and had no job for awhile. I had a good time in university too regardless of all the pressure to do well on exams, tests and in my social life.

I've always assumed that I was the perfect candidate to live abroad and have always had a ten year plan.

But for the last year and a half especially, even when there are no stressors in my life I feel stressed. Living here greatly annoys me. I bite my tongue before I accuse "Koreans" or "Korean culture" because I'm not sure whether it's me or the culture first.

Some days I think about stuff going on around me and every aspect of it is annoying. I'm always irritable. Even when people are being very nice to me.

For instance, when my co-workers talk at full volume in the office all day... annoying. The way Korean language is spoken with all it's grunting and whining... annoying. My students running into me and making me spill my coffee... annoying. The adjummas who stare at me... annoying. The lack of creativity and the repetitive blandness of just about everywhere I go... annoying. Trying to do something pretty irrelevant (such as going to the post office or bank) and having to deal with unexpected complications... very annoying. Driving... VERY annoying.

That and all I expect from my school now is that they'll indirectly harass me in some way, find some way to make me feel even more like a foreigner, find some indirect way to belittle my culture and find a way to make my life way more stressful than it has to be.

These are all very small, minor details of my day but even though I might not be experiencing something annoying every second of every day, I find that the thought of these things lingers in my consciousness and I'm always in a perpetual state of irritability because of it. The only time I'm really content is when I'm in my apartment, or going for a walk with my headphones blaring, or on my motorbike on a good day without much traffic. Other than that, so many things about this place irritate me yet I'm not sure if it's just me or if it's Korea.

One other thing I noticed is that my social life has taken a nose dive, especially in the past year. I see another foreigner about once a month. I have quite a few foreign friends but I find the fact that I'm single really gets in the way of my social life. Most of the foreigners I meet are either deeply embedded in cliques or relationships or cliques full of couples (literally, I've gone out with my friends before and it has been: boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiance, husband/wife and... me). I'm also not a drinker (I hardly ever drink, maybe twice a year or so) which rules out another huge group of foreigners.

I also haven't had any luck with the K-ladies except with one I dated in my first year (ended horribly, she was the worst kind of liar imaginable and part of the reason I've been terrified of getting involved with someone or even getting close to a female since then).

I was in denial about all of this for a long time. Sometime late last year I decided I really needed a change of scenery hence heading off to Japan this month.

At the back of my mind, though, I'm wondering if I'll have the exact same problems there with an entirely new set of stressors. Will it just be a petty substitution or do you think leaving Korea will be really beneficial to my state of mind?

I don't want to go back to Canada, either. Despite my feelings about Korea, I still prefer being here than being in my backwoods hometown back home or living in a city that is mostly comprised of university students whom I have nothing in common with. I'm meant to be abroad.

Does anyone here feel the same way? Know where I'm coming from? I keep pretty much everyone at a distance so my friends haven't really picked up on it.

[redaxe]

Don't worry, it's not you.

It sounds like you've already seen what Korea has to offer you and you're ready for a change of scenery. I think you will have a good time in Japan. Best of luck, let us know how it goes.

[Forward Observer]

It's absolutely not you. These things happen to a lot of people. You lasted three years, maybe it's time to move on. Try Japan, lovely country, much better manners and culture.

[Bloopity Bloop]

I lived in Japan--absolute blast. Korea has its challenges... hoping to go back to Japan for grad school next year. Despite my limited time in Korea (6 months), I can already understand where you're coming from. I often wonder, "does anyone else think it's just a struggle sometimes?" Guess my question was answered.

Please do PM me if you want any insider info on Japan. I loved my time there and am not much of a drinker myself so I'm fairly knowledeable about stuff to do outside the nightlife/bar/club scene.

Best of luck to you.

[Girlygirl]

Hey OP,

I'm NOT trying to be a shrink now OK, but my under grad major was Psychology.....damn it.

1. I don't think jumping from Korea to Japan will do you good. You need a break. If you can afford it, go travelling for a bit.

2. Learn some stress relaxation techniques, like mediation.

3. A lot of people will disagree with me on this. People say they prefer to be alone. But at the end of the day, I think you need a companion. It doesn't have to be a g/f-b/f relationship, having a buddy to share your experiences with would be nice. Travelling alone can be lonely sometimes.

4. If Canada is not your home, it's OK. The world is your home. Home is where your heart is. Gosh...I feel the same as you about Canada.

5. Or all this stress you're going through simply because you know you're leaving Korea. Although you might not want to admit, you're gonna miss it just a bit.

Take care of yourself. And good luck.

PS: I'm so addicted to this forum now.

[bigtexas]

I actually love this country. That being said, I do understand some of the "annoying" things that you witness everyday. Like you, I also see some of those things and get highly irritated, eventhough I know the Korean language and culture a lot (well at least my wife says I do).

What kills me the most is this......

1. (I hate this the most) The way that women act when they want something. Young children, unviversity students, and even Korean adjumas fling their hands up and down and stomp their feet, protesting like children. During this "fit", they are also whining like little children, flining their heads in all directions. When I saw this during my first year I was shocked. And I still think its childish, but its the culture. Koreans like innocent looking people, and a woman who acts like a child is more than likely going to get her way than if she acts stern, more how a man would do. The men dont want their wives to act as if they are the men or fathers of the family, so therefore will give in easier if they act that way. BUT, I still dont like it and never will!

2. Scoffing! I hate that more than anything. Korean dramas have made this action more and more ok for the Korean women population to do. Not all Korean women do it, but I would say that 80 percent do it daily. When a Korean woman disagrees, she makes this noise with her mouth, which demonstrates to everyone that she disagrees. God I hate that and will always!

But..............I love Korean women, lordy are they beautiful!

LOL

[Stalin84]

[stevieg4ever]

To be honest I do not think it is you at all, your post could describe how I feel at certain times as well, but not all the time I must say.

These are exactly the kinds of frustrations that you cannot fit into a brochure or an EPIK leaflet. Sometimes it can be dificult just putting them into words. Koreans rarely appreciate them either.

Also I wonder if your post on the Job Discussion messageboard may be a factor in all of this.

Part of the issue is you (i dont mean that in an apologist way) but try and deal with it: sports, hobbies, gyms, books, whatever takes your mind away from these frustrations. Go to Seoul on the weekend and treat yourself to a nice restaurant or a nice gift. Don't just sit at home or, even worse, on daves, and trapse through the day's litany of annoyances because they will only get more annoying.

For my part football and gym are two big factors in my life in Korea. When I have these to look forward to I couldn't care less what has happened to me before. They refresh me and keep me young. Whatever tickles your fancy really.

[BigStan]

Yup, my first 3 months here I loved it, then when I started to really get savvy to how this place works that love took a quick nosedive.

It's seems to be the same story with the majority of people here.

[thoreau]

It's not just you - Korea sucks.

[Wishmaster]

Yeah, Korea is the land of irritation, no doubt about it. A big one for me are those old bags that smack their gum. Very irritating and too bad Ironhide isn't around to take care of them. Now, if not for the crap econony back home, I would have never returned. Just here now to save some money for travel. Then I hope to put my Korean experience in the rear view mirror and onto the next adventure.

[Ya-ta Boy]

I think if you read up on culture shock, you'll recognize a lot of the symptoms: irritability, hanging on to the point of obsession with very minor hassles, constantly experience stress even if at only a low level, pulling away from engaging the locals...

Check it out online. Plenty of articles about it and how to handle it in a constructive way.

[redaxe]

[Steelrails]

The lesson in all of this is that no matter where you go do your research. Don't look at how things might be, look at how they are.

I think that was a big key for me, having already had my Korean burnout phase back in the States, I new what I was getting into over here and the things that could go wrong. Came in with low expectations, everythings been really good so far.

But I had my contract looked over by a Korean speaker, read up at Dave's about the shenanigans that could happen. Let friends over here know that I was coming so I had people to turn to. Friends in the States made sure to let me know that if anything went wrong to call them and they'd 'take care of it'. Came in with experience in the K-ESL industry, and could read Hangul and had some pop groups and movies ready to talk about so as to strike up conversation. Had experience dealing with the people so I knew their mannerisms.

In other words, get your ducks in order. This is real life, not a game. You are setting up shop halfway around the world in a totally different place. Do the research, make some connections, prepare beforehand.

[ca86108]

buy a pack of marlboro's