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humanuspneumos
Joined: 08 Jun 2003
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 Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 11:53 pm Post subject: Do teaching couples have more stress or less stress? |
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A really good friend and I used to talk about how single folk had virtually no stress in teaching overseas. And- my single friends used to say, "wow- you're lucky to be over here with a partner." Really!? The stresses of being with a partner are multitude- for example:
* If one doesn't like their job and the other does- what to do?
* If the company wants to fire one and keep the other- what to do?
* If one complains all the time and you leave work only to listen to complaining at home- what to do?
* Schools often hate giving two people vacation time at the same time.
* Sickness- if you're single you only have you're own a.. to think about. No- partners don't always give you the warm fuzzies when you're sick.
* Fighting- 10,242,000 fights- that's only one year- and then you get to go to work and negotiate this, that, and the other thing after fighting at home.
Frankly speaking- the couples I've seen teaching overseas went into an almost self-destruct-mode (myself included). I'm not sure whether this is the majority or minority. But... it's my experience.
Opposites attract- and as a book says, "Opposites Attack." |
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sadsac
Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Location: Gwangwang
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| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 8:23 am Post subject: |
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My wife and I are into our 4th year in Korea and worked at the same school together for three years. It was great. One rule we never broke, as we walked home talk about work, once at home that was our space and work did not intrude. Been together 13 years and closer now than ever. Love working with her. New job, she is at the kindergarten and I am at the hogwan. I will miss our time together during the day.  |
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Interested
Joined: 10 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 5:12 pm Post subject: |
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Sadsac - that's really sweet. Good for you and your wife.  |
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just because
Joined: 01 Aug 2003
Location: Changwon - 4964
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| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 5:43 pm Post subject: |
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sadsac,
Just read your website and good to see another Brisbanite here in the land of the morning calm.
BTW...passport photo is a shocker .
However I'm not going to show you mine.  |
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Gord
Joined: 25 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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| One light goes out, they all go out! |
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sadsac
Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Location: Gwangwang
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| Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 9:22 am Post subject: |
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| Just because, yes as are all passport photos. Will be updating the website now that we have settled in our new job. |
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Howard Roark
Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 4:42 pm Post subject: |
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It depends on a few factors, the most important I think being your schedules.
Last year my boyfriend and I had similar schedules. We got up together, made breakfast, and he dropped me off at my hagwan and went to work. In the evening we finished around the same time. He would pick me up, we'd have dinner, and hang out all night and go to sleep together. We were always together and we were very content.
This year however has been a nightmare. I took a job at a company, 8-3pm type job. I love my job, it's more rewarding than teaching kids and the money's good.
The problem is that my boyfriend still has last year's schedule. So He's basically just starting his day when mine is ending. I get up at 6:30am while he's still snoring. He often doesn't finish work until 8pm or so, so we don't see each other until almost 9 most days. And then we can't do much because I'm tired and I have to go to sleep early because I have to get up again at 6:30. Of course, he's not tired at all because he doesn't get up until at least 10am, so he wants to stay up late.
We have 2 options at this time:
1. He stays home and annoys the hell out of me while I'm trying to sleep. He wants to watch tv or play a pc game and the slightest noise and light drives me nutty when I want to sleep. or..
2. He goes to the pc room or out with his friends and I go to sleep. This is alright for sleeping I guess, but it means we're not spending any time together at all. I don't like the idea of me going to bed alone every night and he's not even home.
He tries to get up early so he can go to bed with me. But I don't blame him at all. Even though it does cause problems and we do have fights about it, I don't think it's his fault. My schedule changed, not his. I can't expect him to come home from work at 9 and go straight to bed because I have to get up early. It's not fair. So we try to compromise. Sometimes we go to bed early together, like last night - which is my favorite time because we talk a lot in bed. And sometimes he goes to the pc room.
I only have 2 months left on this contract. I love my job. But from now on we'll be better matching our schedules. We can't have another year like this.
So my advice to couples thinking of coming here: Try to have basically the same schedule. It could be what makes or breaks you here. |
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Mr. Pink
Joined: 21 Oct 2003
Location: China
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| Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Howard Roark wrote: |
It depends on a few factors, the most important I think being your schedules.
Last year my boyfriend and I had similar schedules. We got up together, made breakfast, and he dropped me off at my hagwan and went to work. In the evening we finished around the same time. He would pick me up, we'd have dinner, and hang out all night and go to sleep together. We were always together and we were very content.
This year however has been a nightmare. I took a job at a company, 8-3pm type job. I love my job, it's more rewarding than teaching kids and the money's good.
The problem is that my boyfriend still has last year's schedule. So He's basically just starting his day when mine is ending. I get up at 6:30am while he's still snoring. He often doesn't finish work until 8pm or so, so we don't see each other until almost 9 most days. And then we can't do much because I'm tired and I have to go to sleep early because I have to get up again at 6:30. Of course, he's not tired at all because he doesn't get up until at least 10am, so he wants to stay up late.
We have 2 options at this time:
1. He stays home and annoys the hell out of me while I'm trying to sleep. He wants to watch tv or play a pc game and the slightest noise and light drives me nutty when I want to sleep. or..
2. He goes to the pc room or out with his friends and I go to sleep. This is alright for sleeping I guess, but it means we're not spending any time together at all. I don't like the idea of me going to bed alone every night and he's not even home.
He tries to get up early so he can go to bed with me. But I don't blame him at all. Even though it does cause problems and we do have fights about it, I don't think it's his fault. My schedule changed, not his. I can't expect him to come home from work at 9 and go straight to bed because I have to get up early. It's not fair. So we try to compromise. Sometimes we go to bed early together, like last night - which is my favorite time because we talk a lot in bed. And sometimes he goes to the pc room.
I only have 2 months left on this contract. I love my job. But from now on we'll be better matching our schedules. We can't have another year like this.
So my advice to couples thinking of coming here: Try to have basically the same schedule. It could be what makes or breaks you here. |
Wouldn't spending too much time together drive you nuts?
Seriously, I'd figure being in each other's hair all the time would be TOO MUCH.
My wife and I can't handle it when I get vacation and don't leave the house. Both of us spending all day together is TOO MUCH time for us. |
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Howard Roark
Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:08 am Post subject: |
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| Mr. Pink wrote: |
| Howard Roark wrote: |
It depends on a few factors, the most important I think being your schedules.
Last year my boyfriend and I had similar schedules. We got up together, made breakfast, and he dropped me off at my hagwan and went to work. In the evening we finished around the same time. He would pick me up, we'd have dinner, and hang out all night and go to sleep together. We were always together and we were very content.
This year however has been a nightmare. I took a job at a company, 8-3pm type job. I love my job, it's more rewarding than teaching kids and the money's good.
The problem is that my boyfriend still has last year's schedule. So He's basically just starting his day when mine is ending. I get up at 6:30am while he's still snoring. He often doesn't finish work until 8pm or so, so we don't see each other until almost 9 most days. And then we can't do much because I'm tired and I have to go to sleep early because I have to get up again at 6:30. Of course, he's not tired at all because he doesn't get up until at least 10am, so he wants to stay up late.
We have 2 options at this time:
1. He stays home and annoys the hell out of me while I'm trying to sleep. He wants to watch tv or play a pc game and the slightest noise and light drives me nutty when I want to sleep. or..
2. He goes to the pc room or out with his friends and I go to sleep. This is alright for sleeping I guess, but it means we're not spending any time together at all. I don't like the idea of me going to bed alone every night and he's not even home.
He tries to get up early so he can go to bed with me. But I don't blame him at all. Even though it does cause problems and we do have fights about it, I don't think it's his fault. My schedule changed, not his. I can't expect him to come home from work at 9 and go straight to bed because I have to get up early. It's not fair. So we try to compromise. Sometimes we go to bed early together, like last night - which is my favorite time because we talk a lot in bed. And sometimes he goes to the pc room.
I only have 2 months left on this contract. I love my job. But from now on we'll be better matching our schedules. We can't have another year like this.
So my advice to couples thinking of coming here: Try to have basically the same schedule. It could be what makes or breaks you here. |
Wouldn't spending too much time together drive you nuts?
Seriously, I'd figure being in each other's hair all the time would be TOO MUCH.
My wife and I can't handle it when I get vacation and don't leave the house. Both of us spending all day together is TOO MUCH time for us. |
Well, I suppose we weren't literally always together. That's a bit of an exaggeration. But compared to now it seems like it.
We also spent a healthy amount of time apart. He had his own friends and stuff he liked to do. I had my girl friends who I liked to do stuff with too. We were both really cool about that. Like if I called him and said "hey I'm gonna meet so and so downtown after work", he'd say "cool, I'll see you home later..." and vice versa.
I guess what I'm saying is we spent enough time together, and had the opportunity to spend so much time together, that doing our own things sometimes was no big deal.
But now it's like if we don't spend our non-work time together, we'll never see each other. If one person waits alllll day long to see the other and then that person calls and says "hey I'm gonna have dinner with my friend", the person waiting at home might feel like "hell, you didn't see me all day and now you're telling me I have to have dinner alone too?"
Also, I don't have as many friends as I had last year. Some of our best "shared" friends and my girl friends have left. So that's been hard for me. I imagine it's also hard for him to feel like he's the only friend I have.
So, as I said before, there are many factors. As the OP stated, what is one person makes friends and the other doesn't? What if one person likes there job and the other doesn't? What if one person is treated very well and the other is not? etc etc.
Relationships are complicated as it is. Korea can add stress. But it can also be a great bonding experience. It has been both for us. |
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humanuspneumos
Joined: 08 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 11:32 am Post subject: Schedule |
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Schedule: some really good points about schedule are made. One gets up early- the other doesn't- wars explode due to "insensitivities." Catch-twenty-two: nice working together and seeing eachother doing something productive- but when one person takes the proverbial car down some road that's heading for trouble often the other pays for it because you are seen as one.
It's also funny- depending on schedules and other factors- how lonely people can get even if they are a couple. If one gets up early and the other doesn't- the other will be saying late at night, "let's go out and do something" only to get rejected again and again by the one with the early-bird schedule. Usually it's the female who gets the early schedule due to kindergarten.
Also- suffocation- there's always one party who seems to be a house-cat and isn't going out of the home much. This translates into one party craving for "alone time" in the apartment because somebody hogs it. I've seen this more than once. It's nice to get alone time in the apartment- I think everybody needs it. |
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The Man known as The Man
Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Location: 3 cheers for Ted Haggard oh yeah!
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| Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Gord wrote: |
| One light goes out, they all go out! |
Why is it Stella in A Streetcar Named Desire gets turned on with Stanley breaking all the light bulbs?
I like it when Stanley gives Blanche her birthday present |
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Sarah-in-Korea
Joined: 20 Aug 2003
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| Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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I'm here with my boyfriend of 9 years. Like Sadsac, we work together too and are into our 4th year now doing this! We have been partner teachers for the last 2 years, this is the start of our 3rd, and before that were at a hagwon. You really would think that we'd get sick of each other, living, working, and playing together, but we don't! It's pretty sad but I miss him if one of us has to go out for the evening!!!
This whole experience has only made our relationship better. We've had ample opportunity for fights and misunderstandings but they never happen. We are just enjoying this while we can because we know that when we go back home to settle down we will be doing different jobs and spending less time together.
Is it possible to be smitten after 9 years? Coz I think I am!
Awww,
SiK |
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