Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Bloopity Bloop]

Do you often wonder why you act a certain way or do certain things? I think that I actually do this too much.

I had a thread on here about my patttern of poor relationships with the opposite sex. I basically broke up with all the girls Ive dated for seemingly no good reason. Some people said maybe I just didnt like them very much which is certainly a valid viewpoint and probably true.

But then I thought, �Why do I get into these in the first place?� I do really like the girls at first but then I just find them irritating. Why is that?

So I tried to go down as far as possible and think out why I act this way. Maybe I listened to way too much Love Line as a teen but here�s what I came up with: I didnt know how to relate to girls at all and never had a girlfriend until my late teens. I didnt have trouble making friends with them, I just didnt know where to go from there.

I grew out of that and find that its actually easier for me to make female friends than male friends now.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, I have broken up with every girl I have been with when there is absolutely nothing wrong with the relationships. Just something wrong with me: Im guessing that I am stuck in this pattern of behavior because deep down Im probably insecure that these girls are gonna leave me so I shut em down before they can do that. Its not that I feel insecure, in fact many of my friends would probably call me cocky. But deep down Im sure that insecure teen is still there and influencing what I do.
I also probably want to prove to myself that I can now get most girls I want. Its kind of sick I know because I often enjoy the time right before a relationship more than the relationship itself. So its just a constant cycle of me trying to prove to myself that I am no longer the person I was but then reverting back in the relationship.

I feel really bad about all the breakups because the I always ended the relationships when they were at real high points out of the blue.

I keep thinking that if I made myself aware of why I do this sh_t I could stop doing it. But I cant. I used to always scoff at people who fell into these relationship patterns and Id always try to explain that they keep choosing the wrong types of girls/guys etc. but I realize now that even if you know what to watch out for it doesnt really matter.

Just gotta keep trying I guess. Yeah this was a weird.entry but Im in a somewhat �altered� state so gimme a break.

[Globutron]

I used to scoff at people who always had so much priority on relationships. I grew a loathing for people who would come whining to me about their break up and so forth.

Wait, I still do scoff. But I know it isn't justified. I just haven't experienced it myself to understand. Or more accurately, I experienced it once and lost interest ever since, and that was 4 years ago. I've been with a couple of girls since but my heart wasn't into it. Or anything come to think of it *wink wink*.

But... The one girl I loved and who will always be in my head was replaced by an online game I got hooked on (final fantasy 11). She lasted past the game but it was all downhill from there. I started to find other things more interesting. Science, Music, Travel, Google Earth.

Oh and she was also insane - a pathological liar of sorts.

Never looked back really. I'm now officially not designed to have a partner.
People always say I'm unhappy, I look unhappy, I MUST be unhappy being alone so much. But I'm really not. I am happier (consistently) than I ever was in relationships (all 2.5 of them).
This is partly because I don't have to expose insecurities - which apparently don't exist but they do to me - And I generally find my own company much more interesting than that of others. Because I rarely find people who are like me.

And if I do, they are the same as me and avoid social connections and therefore we never find each other.

Basically, I'm just waiting until someone happens to cross my path and find me, rather than looking for it myself. I have better things to do with my time than gallivanting around, breaking up every 3 weeks until I'm 40, and then end up settling down with the next best thing because my time of choice has ran out.
Skip the chase, I say.

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One thing I REALLY hate, is people trying to understand me. Great, so you know all the typical cliches of how a human works psychologically. That doesn't mean you understand me. The only people who do, are the people who are like me. No I am not the way I am because of some dark history that hurt me and I haven't been able to get over it. No I'm not scared of rejection, and no I'm not scared of falling in love.
Leave me alone *angry face*... *calm grin*...*little giggle*

[Louis VI]

Why don't others do things the way I do?

[RMNC]

Have you considered learning the recorder?

[Man on Street]

My gf is a complete witch sometimes, and my last 532 weren't. She's very hot though, and smart, really smart, but not sure why I have stayed with her and not the others.

[Globutron]

533 has more 3's in it than 532. 3 being a magic number.