Korean Job Discussion Forums

[b-class rambler]

[v88]

My K-mil causes some issues. She is a pretty typical adjuma. But I have to take the good with the bad...she comes and does all the cleaning and cooking after all.

I hear where you are coming from a bit though. My mother in law was very cold about us getting married and seems to have a tough time with the whole waegook thing. She kind of wishes I was a Korean lad so that she could get text messages from me all the time and get back all the respect she feels she has given to others. It is tough for her not to have her expectations met. I don't really subscribe to the way Koreans treat younger people and am not really interested in playing the role of the good son in law. I prefer my Canadian family's approach. Once you are family...you are family. My father wants my wife to call him by his first name and give him a hug yet I have to call her Omanim rather than Oma, and give her a formal greeting rather than a hug.

The Korean family seems to be in a constant state of stress over what exactly they should be doing in order to fulfill their duty to my family...My wife and I just have to keep reminding them not to spend money on symbolic gifts and not to take offense when my family brings more light hearted gifts (such as a bottle of wine, or picture frames for our family pictures or cute socks).

It kind of bugs me because she rolls into my house and does everything her way. After she leaves I have to re-arrange everything and listen to the list of things I may or may not have done from my rather irate wife. It also bugs me because some of the Korean things that she does also really bug me. She feels the need to fill my sink with food waste. I need a shovel to scoop out the rotting goo. She will not put recyclables into their proper containers forcing me to do it. I can�t figure her out�it takes longer to sort the stuff later than it would if she just put in the right bag from the start. But I have to put up with it, she does do everything, she cooks dinner all the time, she takes care of the little guy.

[Captain Corea]

Mine is all kinds of awesome.

[Mr. Pink]

My MIL and me don't get along at all. It has been like that since the beginning. She expects me to basically kiss her butt, and I refuse. I wish it was like some of the people here and things were all good.

[jrwhite82]

My mother-in-law is awesome. I wish I could speak more to her instead of just saying hello and that her food is delicious. My brother-in-laws (wife's sisters' husbands) kind of hated how much she liked me at first because I was treated better than she treated them, and I'm the youngest!

My in-laws are the reason I started taking Korean lessons recently.

Sorry OP, but it sounds like most of us love our in-laws.

She might come around though, just keep showing her that you will take care of and love her daughter and your kids. Listen to what she says, but don't SNIP her. Actually do what she asks if it isn't a big deal. (If it's something ridiculous then don't do it) But if it's small stuff, what's the big deal? Invest a little work now in winning her over and things could be better later.

[LuckyNomad]

in some ways I get better treatment than my wife. My MIL is always talking about how a son-in-law is so great and how she admits in KOrea that males are just favored.
My mother in law refuses to let me wash the dishes or do anything of the sort in her house. At Chuseok I lost rock paper scissors to my wife and s-in-law and had to do the dishes but she immediately threw that idea out the door and my wife got stuck with it.
On the flip side, she likes that I do housework at our home, though her grandmother thinks it a travesty. I don't have to do anything special. no ass kissing. FIL spends his time on the couch watching sports. Never had any problems with him.

[giraffe]

My inlaws are great. They liked me from the very beginning. If my wife /GF liked me they follow what their daughter want. They always accepted me with open arms even before we were married. They let me stay with them in my wife's room for 2 months every year for 4 years until I married my wife. My mother inlaw is constantly worried if I eat well, she always wants to buy me clothing and sends it to me in canada. They take good care of me. Father in law is great too. Always wants to chat with me on the web cam .

On the other hand, I wish my mother in law would relax a little bit. She goes crazy with cooking and cleaning. She doesnt need to make me a 20 course breakfast , lunch and dinner everyday. I know it makes her happy but she doesnt normally cook that much when my wife and I are away. She comes to canada to visit me and wife this year and she spent the whole 3 weeks cooking breakfast , lunch and dinner , vacuuming every other day. When we go out she calls us every few hours to make sure we ate. I love how caring they are but Its just WAY too much and sometimes causes tensions and drives me a little nuts. Even when i brought them to my parents house , my mother in law wanted to take control of kitchen and had to tell her to relax and not set a foot in the kitchen. IT was really hard for her to do this for a couple of days.... Just wish they would learn to enjoy doing things other than house chores....

Other than that Love my Inlaws. No problems with them =p.

[jaybert06]

It's not specific to Korea, there are MILs like that all over the world. You were just unlucky enough to get one...

[hellofaniceguy]

You know...the out-laws are good or bad no matter what country you are from or live in!
Being from korea has nothing to do with it....look at the korean women who are married to korean men and get screwed over by their mother in-out-law!
I am lucky like many other non koreans who married someone from korea...
The MIL/FIL and all her 6 sisters and 3 brothers think I was the best choice for their sister! Go figure!
But I take no BS from the in-laws, none at all...we got off on the wrong foot because I stood my ground and told them to go screw themselves.....but after 15 years....it's been a great ride with the extended family!
I don't look at them as korea....just human.

[Underwaterbob]

No problems at all with mine. Rarely to never comes over, and keeps us in a steady supply of kimchi. Maybe too much kimchi. Her homemade mandu is incredible though. I've gotten liquored up on soju with her a couple of times. She likes me because her own children don't drink and I buy her nice birthday and chuseok presents. Fun lady, but I wish she'd let up with the "when will you have a baby?" schtick.

[atomicdeathmonkey]

I'm not married yet, we're engaged and her mum is great to me, it took a while for her to get to know me and I get the impression that a lot of the talk of foreigners may have been a factor with that. Gifts are always coming at special occasions, I'm invited for dinner lots and I spend time with the family very easily.

The family are pretty close with me already which is nice, as a westerner my only concern is down the line when things like marriage and adjusting to living with eachother, kids the whole lot comes along. I'm hoping we'll have both the space we need away from the family and the support we'll need in equal measure.

It's all just adjustment I guess.

If you want to impress you MIL wash the dishes after dinner, don't let her raise a finger and if your really brave cook if she'll let you. Once you don't poison the family your away with it.

i hope your situation improves man!

[Yaya]

In-laws can be friendly at first, but the question is whether they'll STAY friendly after the marriage. I know of a few cases that turned out bad, especially after the husband didn't earn enough to satisfy the mother-in-law, who in turn poisoned her daughter with talk that her husband (Korean or not) isn't doing his job of supporting the family.

I've also heard of the in-laws turning on the husband when things go bad either financially (which is usually the case) or for other reasons, telling the wife "I told you marrying him was a mistake," yada yada yada.

The fear of getting the mother-in-law from hell is one factor that has prevented me from marrying so far.