Korean Job Discussion Forums

tokki · Joined: 26 Jul 2003

The definition of pathetic: letting stupid traditions run your life to the point where they can sabotage a relationship with someone you consider worthy of marriage. THATS freaking pathetic and spineless. I would never allow any tradtion, or any expectation from a 3rd party (my parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, strangers, etc) get between me and my wife. There comes a point where a MAN has to be a MAN. In other words: GROW A SPINE.

ryleeys · Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Location: Columbia, MD

Wow, you people are quite the lot, aren't ya?

All of a sudden "I will expect" goes to "I will throw away a marriage if she doesn't change her name." I expect the Baltimore Orioles (baseball team) will play better this year than in the past... doesn't mean I'm gonna never watch them again if they don't.
What the flying f*ck? Y'all got some reading comprehension issues going on... perhaps you'd like to sign up for a class at my hagwon.

Furthermore, why the flying f*ck (I really do like that phrase) does everything have to be a damned political statement with you? Every woman in my family has changed her name to the man's name without thinking twice about it, or thinking they are being subjugated into slavery (as some of you would portray it). Actually, the women from my mother's family have been extremely strong willed women (my grandmother and great grandmother both got college degrees at a time when it wasn't common for women... especially in their home state) that I am proud to have known. Two names, hyphenated names... 1) They're more complex to deal with (frankly, if you don't have the same last name, people will assume you AREN'T married in America)... and 2) It's hard on the kids to deal with those name issues.

Since when does every tradition have to be "archaic" and "pathetic"? Maybe she gets my last name and our daughter gets her maiden name as a middle name (i.e. Filipino style). I dunno, just tossing out ideas. Either way, to each his own... and for me, I would definitely rather have her take my name. And when is the name thing a "western" value. Women all around the world change their names and other women all around the world keep their names. Don't chalk this up to "western cultural imperialism." I find myself disappointed in the recent posts by CLG and tokki on this issue.

CLG, calling me pathetic for having a tradition really isn't the best means of making clear your personal feelings for the issue. Always celebrating Thanksgiving (for my family, the most important holiday) with my family is a tradition... is this archaic and pathetic?

Tokki, I do believe the 'roids are finally taking a toll on you. First, I'd like to point out the irony in you telling me to "be a man" when your name means "bunny". Furthermore, I am not cowtailing to others in my family as I have never even discussed this with them. It's MY belief about the importance of my family name. Also, as I said before, I am not the one that said I would let this end a relationship, those words were put in my mouth by both you and CLG. Third, would you care to name some traditions of your family that I may proceed to rail on as "stupid" and "pathetic"? Perhaps I find your mindless pursuit of bulk (while obviously allowing your reading comprehension skills to deteriorate) a "stupid" tradition...

So far, the following things have been attributed to me, yet somehow, I never actually said them: 1) She must change her name, this is non-negotiable. 2) I will break up with her if she doesn't. 3) "Western" traditions are more important than "Non-Western".

For those of you that are interested, I feel this way because I am the last male in my family to have my father's name. Meaning, if I don't have a son, or I have a son who would take a hyphenated name or his mother's name, my family name would die. That's important to me.

Notes:

If I failed to respond to anyone else's posts about how pathetic and archaic I am, I truly apologize. If you leave me a note, I'll be sure to get to ya as soon as possible.

I realize the inherent irony in being offended about lack of reading comprehension and then typing with a fair amount of slang in my posts... but I do type how I speak.

Also, it's been brought to my attention that the world "cowtailing" isn't technically correct. However, my family is mostly from West Virginia and I was raised in a farming community, so we do use this word this way. If you ever grab a cow by its tail, you'll be put in your place. So it works...

phaedrus · Joined: 13 Nov 2003 Location: I'm comin' to get ya.

I think that's a valid reason, ryleeys.

When I got married the name thing was a non issue. This is because my Korean wife wanted to keep her name as a result of a somewhat sexist Korean upbringing, and I wanted her to keep her name for the opposite reasons. The children....... haven't quite got it figured yet. I think females get her name, males get mine uhhh?????????

Gord · Joined: 25 Feb 2003

tokki · Joined: 26 Jul 2003

1.My name actually means rabbit. Rabbits have more sex in one day than you in 3 months. You figure it out.

2. My post about you assumed that you would marry a Korean woman, and I wrote based on that assumption. Read it. Now, it really doesnt matter what all the women in your family did, I doubt any were Korean, and in their culture, the women do change their names. Now, if you marry a western woman, then I can see it as OK. Expecting a Korean woman to change her name would be cultural imperialism on your part. Again, what makes YOUR family traditions more important? And who are you to expect anything anyway?

3.Traditions are nice. As long as they dont interfere with your life. Letting traditions run your life is PATHETIC and stupid. I kick all tradition to the curb, and anyone trying to impose it on me, when it interferes with my personal life.

4.Assuming that people who exercise take roids is done by skinny boys with sunken in chests who are too lazy to exercise. Or fat guys too lazy to exercise. No wonder you cant get a girl. Which one are you?

5. Why is YOUR family name more important?

6. I dont have a mindless pursuit of bulk. Look at point #4. Study afterstudy, after study after study proves that physically fit people are alsomentally fitter than those who dont exercise. They excell at work, have more energy,have clearer mental processing, etc etc etc.

7. Who cares if your family name dies?

the_beaver · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

crazylemongirl · Joined: 23 Mar 2003 Location: almost there...

Rylees there are actually several defintions of expect. So before you get on your moral high horse I thought I would tear a page out of the dictionary.

tokki · Joined: 26 Jul 2003

ryleeys · Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Location: Columbia, MD

the_beaver · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

Shincheon_Blues · Joined: 16 Dec 2003

ryleeys · Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Location: Columbia, MD

Ah, my apologies Gord.

I never explicitly said my traditions were more important than hers. However, if you choose to assume this as to be the meaning of what I said, that's your choice.

I find it interesting the issues that some people choose to make a stand on. This came up with me and my ex-fiance a few years ago. I was actually preferring that a daughter would have my mother's and sister's middle names, she wanted a daughter to have her mother's maiden name (Filipino tradition). In this case, I was willing to say sure, first daughter gets the maiden name.

I'm curious if the assumption that I am incapable of finding a respectable middle ground comes from knowing I am American...

Either way, both her and my traditions would be extremely important and both would of course be taken into account in a marriage situation.