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loveless
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Location: love is a danger of a different kind...
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 Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:00 am Post subject: |
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NEW PAGE! 
| NYC_Gal 2.0 wrote: |
No, but money is not why I was with him. We had the best chemistry imaginable, and some truly fun times.
He had an amazing job with a ridiculous salary (a thousand dollars a day before taxes), and justified being separated a great majority of the time because he said he was saving money for our house. When I first met him and fell in love, I didn't know about this amazing salary. All I knew was this handsome blue-eyed guy with the posh English accent had a cute butt and made me laugh on a very regular basis. The job info came months later. It was a sweet bonus, but by no means important by that point.
He's spent the past 3 years' worth of salary. He has nothing in his bank account. I found this out last week. It's that he lied to me. He wasted my time. I've been alone for most of 3 years, and he's been lying to me this whole time about how work was really rough, but that he was saving, and it'd be all worth it because he could buy a house somewhere warm for us to settle down, and he'd switch to consulting and not be gone as much.
Yes, it would have been nice to have my house paid for, no mortgages, kids in posh schools, but even though he can make a lot of it back in a year, it's not worth staying with a liar. Who knows what else would have been in store?
I'd have been happier if we were making normal money, with a mortgage, if we'd been together. Truly. Again, I'd told him to take a year off and just live with me, relaxing. I'd pay for everything. His loss. I hope his next woman IS a gold digger. He deserves it.
It's a shame about the sex, though. Ah well... |
ok, its all about you.  |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:04 am Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:02 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Robbo
Joined: 05 Sep 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:25 am Post subject: |
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I left my ex(not married, close enough) because of lying as well. If you can't be honest with someone you claim to love than something's seriously wrong. It was the lie that did it at the end of the day. I loved her enough to have forgiven her for just about anything had she been honest. I hate liars.
NYC Gal; you are my fav poster, hang in there, someone better will come along in due time. Sadly, I'm forbidden from dating anyone with "NYC" in their name by the Red Sox Nation or who knows what could have been! 
(btw, labradors are a great way to go) |
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wiganer
Joined: 13 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:30 am Post subject: |
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It must have been hard and it is hard to say goodbye to someone you will never ever see again. Did you do the right thing? It depends, one thing I know is that love always comes with conditions. I found that out myself - I come with conditions also as did the woman I married. It's life isn't it?
This guy might have a huge problem - gambling, drugs or whatever which if he was honest with you - he might have lost you. He has lost you anyway but I think you need closure for your own piece of mind. Forget the money (as you said you have) Just say to him 'The money doesn't matter but if it is an addiction then tell me about it and I will help you' I think you will find there is some big addiction there. As you say, you don't go through hundreds of thousands of dollars and end up with nought if you haven't got an addiction.
Good luck NYC girl - you are my favourite poster after FTUK - he is still the king! |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:38 am Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:02 am; edited 1 time in total |
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loveless
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Location: love is a danger of a different kind...
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:59 am Post subject: |
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what about me? oh my god! i have suffered and have faced pain and total torture in my marriage and divorce! so, what do i get? huh? what do i get for all this suffering and pain? i feel like a criminal but all i've done was to love my now x-wife with all my heart, money and time! so, what do i get? 
i feel so loveless, so desolute, so out-of-touch with my friends that are happily mariied and content with living a hum-drum, mediocre life... single friends are not really friends but young dudes and chicks from the office and work place who superficially sympathize with my situation yet half jokingly ridicule me for their drunken entertainment!
please, lets talk about me for a minute! i'm the one who's losing out! please, i'm divorced and just wonder if i'm the only victim here? |
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nfld_chingu
Joined: 29 Jun 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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NYC gal, sorry to hear about your break-up 
I remember you posting about your man before, seemed like it was too good to be true.
I went through a similar situation recently ... as in, had to leave the man I thought I was going to marry, all because of a lie.
I wasn't going to mention this on Dave's because I didn't want the info to identify me (I know ppl who use these boards) but oh well, I don't really care anymore.
When I was in Korea, I was in a relationship with a Korean man (started in October 2009). The perfect Korean man, for me anyway. He was everything I wanted in a man and treated me really well. He introduced me to his family and told them that he was going to marry me. We were planning to get married this year (2011). We did have some small problems resulting from communication difficulties, but overall his English was really good from living in the U.S. for two years, and we always managed to get through our fights quickly and our relationship seemed even stronger than before.
Everything changed last summer when I got a message from a woman in the U.S. who has his two kids. TWINS. They had just turned a year old, so they were born just before he met me. Apparently she was writing to me as a sort of plea to help her get him involved in his children's lives, as he had basically ignored them in every way up to that point (including financially). When I confronted him, he admitted that it was all true. Apparently the relationship with this woman had ended shortly after she discovered she was pregnant, but I was no less hurt and shocked for that. It was probably the biggest shock of my life. I was depressed for a while, and this all happened mere weeks before I was set to leave Korea and go home to Canada for a visit.
I stayed with him for a couple of months long distance while in Canada after finding out this information, despite every person in my life who cares about me urging me to get away from this man. I couldn't believe he could keep a secret like that from me for almost a year, even after asking me to marry him! I was even more upset that I was involved with someone who could ignore his children like that and have no interest in them whatsoever.
Well, some good came out of it anyway. I urged him to become involved with them, and he did. So at least those kids will know that they have a dad now. That's the important thing.
I'm still hurt by all of it though. If he had just told me the truth from the beginning, we might still be together. It was the lying that ruined everything. I finally ended the relationship in November and stayed in Canada. I'm seeing someone new but to be honest I'm still not completely over my Korean ex. I still care about him and think about him every day. But I can't be with him ever again.
Sorry for such a long post, but NYC gal I can sympathize. |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:03 am; edited 1 time in total |
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machoman
Joined: 11 Jul 2007
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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| nfld_chingu wrote: |
NYC gal, sorry to hear about your break-up
I remember you posting about your man before, seemed like it was too good to be true.
I went through a similar situation recently ... as in, had to leave the man I thought I was going to marry, all because of a lie.
I wasn't going to mention this on Dave's because I didn't want the info to identify me (I know ppl who use these boards) but oh well, I don't really care anymore.
When I was in Korea, I was in a relationship with a Korean man (started in October 2009). The perfect Korean man, for me anyway. He was everything I wanted in a man and treated me really well. He introduced me to his family and told them that he was going to marry me. We were planning to get married this year (2011). We did have some small problems resulting from communication difficulties, but overall his English was really good from living in the U.S. for two years, and we always managed to get through our fights quickly and our relationship seemed even stronger than before.
Everything changed last summer when I got a message from a woman in the U.S. who has his two kids. TWINS. They had just turned a year old, so they were born just before he met me. Apparently she was writing to me as a sort of plea to help her get him involved in his children's lives, as he had basically ignored them in every way up to that point (including financially). When I confronted him, he admitted that it was all true. Apparently the relationship with this woman had ended shortly after she discovered she was pregnant, but I was no less hurt and shocked for that. It was probably the biggest shock of my life. I was depressed for a while, and this all happened mere weeks before I was set to leave Korea and go home to Canada for a visit.
I stayed with him for a couple of months long distance while in Canada after finding out this information, despite every person in my life who cares about me urging me to get away from this man. I couldn't believe he could keep a secret like that from me for almost a year, even after asking me to marry him! I was even more upset that I was involved with someone who could ignore his children like that and have no interest in them whatsoever.
Well, some good came out of it anyway. I urged him to become involved with them, and he did. So at least those kids will know that they have a dad now. That's the important thing.
I'm still hurt by all of it though. If he had just told me the truth from the beginning, we might still be together. It was the lying that ruined everything. I finally ended the relationship in November and stayed in Canada. I'm seeing someone new but to be honest I'm still not completely over my Korean ex. I still care about him and think about him every day. But I can't be with him ever again.
Sorry for such a long post, but NYC gal I can sympathize. |
wow, that is a CRAZY story. but i guess it shows you what people are capable of. |
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redaxe
Joined: 01 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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| loveless wrote: |
what about me? oh my god! i have suffered and have faced pain and total torture in my marriage and divorce! so, what do i get? huh? what do i get for all this suffering and pain? i feel like a criminal but all i've done was to love my now x-wife with all my heart, money and time! so, what do i get?
i feel so loveless, so desolute, so out-of-touch with my friends that are happily mariied and content with living a hum-drum, mediocre life... single friends are not really friends but young dudes and chicks from the office and work place who superficially sympathize with my situation yet half jokingly ridicule me for their drunken entertainment!
please, lets talk about me for a minute! i'm the one who's losing out! please, i'm divorced and just wonder if i'm the only victim here? |
loveless, have you ever heard the adage, "In order to love someone else, you must first learn to love yourself?" |
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madoka
Joined: 27 Mar 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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| NYC_Gal 2.0 wrote: |
| EDIT: He said he's bad with money, and won't admit any addiction or possible bastard child. |
Truthfully, I am also a "retail therapy" addict. I force myself to work seven days a week and I make more than your ex, yet, I too have really nothing to show for it. Last month I spent over $17K on purely fluff stuff that I did not need. Stuff like over $2,000 of Shiseido face cream, $4,700 on airline tickets, a second Macbook Air (to go with my eight of other laptops), $1900 on premium leather bags, etc. Once you add in car insurance, mortgage payments, taxes, employees, utilities and other essentials, then I spent well over $35K last month.
As a result of my spending, my own parents are convinced that I have a gambling problem, because they just don't understand where all the money is going. Sometimes I'm just too embarrassed by how much of a spendthrift I am to correct them.
So in that way, I understand where your ex is coming from. While this maybe an unpopular opinion, you should consider working with him instead of dumping him. Perhaps you could take over his accounts as a condition of reconciliation. |
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machoman
Joined: 11 Jul 2007
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:17 pm Post subject: |
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to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, he must be gambling, doing stocks, or in some sort of debt or like you said a bastard child.
but, realistically, it wouldn't be prostitutes because i wouldn't imagine prostitutes being THAT expensive, and drugs.... you would know if he was on drugs, and if he's a shopaholic, you would notice all the stuff he's collected over the years.
so, my guess, gambling. my uncle lost 40k gambling. surprisingly, my aunt didn't leave him and they're still together today. but that was big news in the family when that happened. |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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Last edited by NYC_Gal 2.0 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:04 am; edited 1 time in total |
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conrad2
Joined: 05 Nov 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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| How exactly did your boyfriend lie? He had money. His money. Now its gone. And you know its gone. How did he lie? Since you were not married yet, does he have to keep you informed on how much he has in his bank accounbt? |
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ESL Milk "Everyday
Joined: 12 Sep 2007
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| Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:05 pm Post subject: |
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| stilicho25 wrote: |
| my money is on cross dressing, with anonymous gay sex at the jjimjibong a close second. |
That's almost always the case, isn't it? |
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