Korean Job Discussion Forums

[jb99]

[toonchoon]

[Newbie]

I married a Korean woman.

There are definitely some days when I want to put my head through a wall cuz she's not getting stuff, when I'm sick of "dumbing it down," our cultures aren't meshing well, etc. But I knew all that would be there before we got married. There is more than enough positive things going on to overcome these small differences.

I'm sure if I had married a Western woman there would be a whole other batch of stuff making me want to put my head through a wall.

One thing's for sure, about 90% of the moments that make me want to put my head through a wall involve the raising of our daughter. It's funny. While we were dating I always praised her as being very western and not too Korean... since we had a kid I notice a lot more Korean in her. Kinda sad.

[toonchoon]

[toonchoon]

[PatrickGHBusan]

Interestign point Newbie.

I would argue that your wife must also think you were more "Korean" when you dated and that you reverted to "Western" about raising your daughter. That really is a two way street.

You are of course completely right about the fact that had you married a western woman, there would also be problems, differences of opinion and so on.

We have two kids we started raising them in Korea and now we live in Canada. Cultural values are at the core of raising kids and we make compromises much like any couple would!

I do not think that had I married a nice Ontario gal, that I would have fewer differences on issues related to the education of our kids.

My wife has her ideas, I have mine and for the most part we meet in the middle.

I do not have to "dumb things down" for her to understand what I mean because frankly speaking, I put my ass in gear and learned Korean and she put in the time and learned English. We had our kids when that process was well underway and we have zero communication issues. I suppose one would feel they have to "dumb it down" when his or her partner does not speak their language well. Then again, that too is a two way street, perhaps she feels she has to "dumb it down" in Korean or is frustrated at not being able to communicate well with her spouse in English...again, two way street.

Finally, it is very touchy and no less dangerous to label cultures as good or bad; right or wrong. Each culture has core values about raising kids and its pretty limited to say that these values are the "wrong way". We may disagree on certain aspects when it comes to raising kids but that should be quite different from calling one part of the other persons culture "bad" or "wrong". I am not saying that is what you are doing newbie, I am just discussing the issue at large.

I will provide a could of brief examples to illustrate the point:


Bedtime

My wife was raised the Korean way (of course) where kids go to bed at whatever time they fall asleep when they are of pre-school age. The parents follow that schedule.

I was raised in a house where there was a set bed time and where parents enforced that bedtime.

When we had our son, she wanted to apply the Korean way and I wanted to apply the "Western" way. After discussing it, we decided that we would set a bedtime and follow a schedule. That was a compromise she made because she saw sense in it, not because she believed one way was wrong or right.

Relation to the parents

When we had our son, my wife wanted her mother to come live with us for a few months. That is traditional in Korea in some form or another.

It was not something we did back in my family.

We discussed it and we went her way on that one. It ended up being a great move and it established a strong bond between our son and his grandmother. It also provided my wife with motherly support and confort.

All I am saying is that, like in any successful relationship the world over, compromise is the critical element.

[Newbie]

[PatrickGHBusan]

Great response Newbie.

We seem to have very similar views and experiences!

Take care out there man.

[sesyeux]

[bamboozler]

I am happily married to a beautiful Korean woman.

I don't miss Caucasian girls at all. The majority of girls in N.A. are overweight (some morbidly obese), talk like trash, speak like a man, and act like a man. They don't act or look feminine at all. There thighs are usually bigger than 3 of mine togther.

On top of that these same girls who look terrible, think they are worthy of a great/decent man.

I have a funny story that happened recently. I don't usully frequent the "western hang-outs" here but one day after meeting an old Koren Co-worker we found ourself getting a couple drinks at Woodstock. We proceed to drink and talk and these two girls from California who initiated conversation with us. They heard my friend speaking with a UK accent and the one girl was interested in him. So naturally withuot thinking I wing-man the other girl so my single friend can do his thing. This girl was a good 30 pounds overweight, all concentrated in the thighs and stomach. Completely normal face. Nothing going for her. We exchange where we work and she basically went on a 10 minute speel about how she is a trained teacher back home and she works at this great school in wherever, and how everybody teaching over here is below her and all this crap. Meanwhile I'm making 4 times what she makes working p/t and private gigs, but I'm not telling her this of course. She was bragging about getting 150,000 more that others at her work....umm...great.

Anyways basically I decided to do a test, I didn't tell her I was married and proceeded to see if I could get her interested in me. I'm a 6'5", fit, and by all standards good looking. Basically to make a long story short she was acting like she was a 'catch," and denied me....

And I often met girls like this back home.

So yeah no interests in the White Race these days.

ALso, I can whole-heartedly say it's easier to pick up hotter/prettier woman that heffers.

Keep your nose to the grindstone!

[Draz]

This thread is shockingly civil and reasonable. Good job, people!

My current opinion is that I would never marry someone who was too far away from myself culturally speaking unless their culture happened to have advantages that my own doesn't. Being female, Asian culture is clearly less advantageous, since women still tend to get the short end of the stick here. Not a culture I want to be marrying into. No individual is worth putting up with a lifetime of cultural aggravation. Usually I find myself aggravated before we even get to the first kiss. Korean-style date planning bugs.

Also men from more egalitarian cultures tend to speak awesome English, or speak cool languages I'd actually be interested in learning. I'd be down with that. How cool would it be to learn Norwegian? So cool!

But I want to marry an American most of all. I won't rule out European, but I'll probably end up with an American (or Canadian). I just find them the best fit. We click.

[tottenhamtaipeinick]

[redaxe]

[tottenhamtaipeinick]

[PEIGUY]