Korean Job Discussion Forums

[intergalactic]

OK, well, Mr Intergalactic and I are expecting a baby in September (surprised, simulated stereo?).

Last week, after much questioning and listening to horror stories about hospitals and birth clinics in Jeonju, we finally found one that claims to stand for 'the rights of the baby and the mother'. We took a look around the labour and delivery rooms and it was very nice - clean, new, peaceful, the lights were dimmed low, parters are allowed to stay at all times, babies are not taken away to live in a nursery. Sounded good, looked great!
We made an apointment to see the doctor, as we had a list of questions about birth practices. We want to avoid the ancient hospital-type procedures they did in our parents' time, like using stirrups, shaving down there, routine episiotomies, enema, being tethered to an I.V. etc.

The doctor spoke english like a native speaker, it was amazing.

THEN...we began with the questions. WELL she was not happy to be questioned at all (as we'd expected), and was quite defensive about everything we brought up.

Turns out shaving is non-negotiable, same goes for enema and the I.V.
She also said if we don't let the staff feed sugar-water or bori cha to the baby then it will become sick and lethargic. All these things are complete BOLLOCKS, and there is ample evidence out there on the web that shaving and enemas are unnecessary and supplementary feeding is detrimental to successful breastfeeding. We really feel strongly about these things.

Each time I said I would prefer to do, or not do something, the doctor would say "WHY?", and then I would give my reasons, and she would argue with me saying things like "Do you want your baby to get an infection?", or "Well I will let you do that if you're happy for your baby to get sick". She made me feel like c r ap even though I know some of the things she is advocating are outdated and I am right!

Going home for the birth is not really an option. What do you think?
Be grateful that she can communicate so well in English and that the clinic is so nice, and just let her do what she wants?
Or fight and fight with her to get what I want, even if this involves showing her counter-evidence with a possible loss of face on her part?

How should I approach it?

intergalactic

[jazblanc77]

Perhaps I posted on your old posting but I would really recommend getting to an international clinic. They have doctors that are trained in the west and will be receptive to your questions and concerns. Those doctors will probably not be able to deliver for you but perhaps they will know a good doctor for you.

I too have been through a lot of 'bullocks' as well with Korean doctors since I came here 3 years ago.

Good luck!

[intergalactic]

Did I have an old posting? Maybe it was someone else. Thanks jazblanc, but do the international clinics include obstetrics? Is there much call for international obstetricians in Seoul? Anyone else used one?

[TJ]

My wife and I have four children who are now adults themselves. On the basis of this 'experience' I strongly advise you to go to a doctor you are confident will follow your wishes in regard to your wife and you baby. I would not trust the doctor you mentioned in your post. There is a strong possibility your wishes will be ignored as soon as your back is turned.

Last year I had a medical scare and was not happy with the Korean doctors. I flew home to Australia where I knew the doctors were qualified to look after me. Sure it cost a lot of money but you can't put a value on your health. Fortunately, my fears were unfounded but I don't regret spending the money on my airfare.

Beg, borrow or steal the money and go to where the doctors are qualified and will obey your instructions!!

[Corporal]

Hmm. Well, being that this IS a foreign country, you are probably going to have to prioritize. I'm assuming you can't just pick up, fly out and have the baby somewhere else. All I can suggest is that you should stick to your guns about the things that are most important AFTER the birth, for the baby's benefit, like breastfeeding/staying with you, and maybe give a little on the pre-birth rituals you aren't crazy about (IV, shaving, enema etc.) After all, those are little enough things, and if you and your doctor can both compromise a bit, it will probably work out better for both of you. I WOULD be glad that she speaks English so well. (Despite what people say, that's not so common in the medical field here. You would be surprised how many doctors I visited that giggled sheepishly behind their hands when my husband asked them to speak English for my benefit.)

It does really suck when the doctors try to act as if you're somehow less informed about the procedure just because you didn't go to medical school. I sympathize.

[Ody]

i had a baby here last month. this link will take you to some advise i got to similar inquiries as yours. like you i was intent that they feed my baby nothing more than plain water.
http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?p=228605&highlight=#228605
otherwise, Corporal's advise is much like what i would say.

[Ody]

[ryleeys]

Umm... I'm a 22 year old guy without children, a wife, a girlfriend, or the potential for any of those... so maybe I'm not the guy to listen to, BUT:

I don't think parents should ever have to compromise on anything they want for their baby at birth. I personally think you should stand your ground, and maybe even get a written agreement that they won't do anything you don't want behind your back after smiling and nodding at you when you say not to do it.

Just out of curiosity, is it possible to have the baby at a military hospital on a base? (If you're American that is...)

[lush72]

[intergalactic]

Thanks all for your replies and those who sent pm.

I think I will just look at one or two more clinics in town, but I have a feeling I have already found the 'best'.

I suppose it will be a case of choosing my battles. The more I read about birth at home the more it seems it's the same fight there too. Just that I could have a midwife at home if I wanted to and some things there are not quite so outdated.

Anyone know of any good english-speaking travelling midwives?

[OiGirl]

I think I asked this the last time we had this discussion, probably before Ody had her baby, but

Are home births legal in Korea?

[schwa]

Most Koreans over 30 were born at home. I doubt there are any laws against it but I'd guess it would be largely viewed as dangerous & 'backwards' nowadays. There must be a large pool of older experienced midwives but few I imagine would speak any english & their practices might well be steeped in obscure traditional beliefs.

But hey, all you need is one enlightened helper. Keep asking around. Try googling korea + midwife or homebirth. Best of luck!

[intergalactic]

[Chonbuk]

Congratulations!!!

You two must be so happy, what big news.

How do you feel?

I read your message today and thought of some ideas.

The first is a link to a group of foreign women that are married to Korean men. They are a pretty active group. I know one woman in it, she is also in KOTESOL and quite a bit of a go-getter.

The link is

http://www.iskakorea.com/sub.php?UID=41&MUID=41

I know your situation is a bit different, but it's a start.

Also in Jeon ju I used to go to this one OBGYN that was across the street from Emart, her office was on the 2nd floor, on the SeoShin dong side of the the Big highway- sortof behind were the old o-kay baking shop was, but closer to the Big street- Can you understand that?? sorry for not knowing exactly how to explain but I haven't been to her office in a while. She spoke English well, and had 4 children herself.

Actually, I think you should find a doctor/midwife you are comfortable with. From what I understand from the foreign wives living in Japan, that the doctors there and probably in Korea also have things in a twist about weight gain, and have made many of them leaving the office in tears many times after critisizing them during their pregnancy. This is an emotional time and you will need someone who can support you.

Keep searching, something will come up.

Congratulations and goodluck

Chonbuk


ps- Tell Mr. Intergalatic thanks about the accomodation hints, I found a great apartment in Newtown, and am happy here.

[OiGirl]

Unassisted home births are not illegal in most places, but midwife-assisted births are in several states.