Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Hanson]

...Hanson, who takes it outside and starts looking for a place to dispose of it. As Hanson is walking around, looking for a bin, he stumbles upon komerican, who blamed Americans for my compost-disposal problem. After turning another corner, Hanson was met by cunning_stunt, who said something really shocking, trying to induce a reaction, which Hanson expertly avoided.

Still holding the refuse, Hanson spotted tomato, who signed at him and shouted at Hanson for him to speak to him in Korean, dammit. Shrugging, Hanson started walking away, but he was stopped in his tracks by RACETRAITOR, who kindly escorted Hanson to safer waters, where he was met by Tiger Beer, Ilsanman, Young FRANKenstein and SuperHero, where they all started looking for a place to dump the foul-smelling garbage.

Finally, after a long night of searching and chatting, the boys stumbled upon.....

[bejarano-korea]

A church...

One evening, Bejarano-Korea walked to the building with the big red cross at the top that was glowing in the night - inside he met Hanson who was standing behind the altar.

In the pews kneeling with their hands joined in prayer were tomato, cunning stunt, racetraitor, Tiger Beer, Ilsanman, Young FRANKenstein and SuperHero and Komerican. BK looked nervous but wanted anwsers to the questions that were keeping him awake all night so decided to continue anyway...


'Oh wise one' said BK 'I cannot smell the human faeces that inflamed my senses when I came here'

'Hmmmm' Said Hanson

'Also I can eat kimchi with my meals without throwing up'

'Hmmmmmmm' murmured Hanson

'I find Korean women extremely attractive - even more attractive than the women in my own country - even though they all have the same generic look and have very small breasts'

'Hmmmmmmmmmm'

'Also I bow to people and recieve my change with two hands from checkout people'

Hanson sighed 'Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm'

BK said 'Have I become a lifetime member of the Korean exapts club?'

Hanson nodded sagely and slapped a big hand on BK shoulder and said with a gruff East Coast Canadian accent 'Son weclome to the club'

[Hanson]

... But bejarano-korea could smell the rotten food waste, which was still in Hanson's possession behind the alter, having never found the elusive bin to deposit such waste.

"Oh, wise one," started bejarano, "does membership in this club involve staying in places that stink?"

"Hmmmm," replied Hanson wisely. "All things are linked" he said simply.

Hanson handed the bag of disgusting compost to bejarano and said, "Go forth and ye shall find..."

Bejarano left the red cross building and pondering his new-found membership to the club, he proceded on his mission to find a place to put his garbage. Thankfully, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, he was met by...

[VanIslander]

Hanson likes hockey, hockey 'too violent', so Hanson is bad man

now I go watching k-1 fightin' and play attack computer game

i am korean man, i smoke and squat at same time

ajumma! where's my lunch?

(it's times like these that I wish I could express myself in hangeul )

[bejarano-korea]

BK left the church - the rotten, putrid smell brought back bad memories of his first days in Korea - of naughty children - the ones in the classroom the ones of the adult kind,
of the life he left behind in England and the new life he carved out for himself in this strange, mystical land.

BK didn't dare look into the contents to see what was inside - he feared that the contents would be a metaphor of what his life would have turned into until Korea saved him.

BK knelt in the middle of the street and shouted to the heavens 'THANK YOU KOREA - THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME THE PERSON I AM TODAY, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME DISPOSABLE INCOME, THANK YOU FOR THE CITIZENRY OF KOREA AND FOR MAKING ME FEEL SMARTER THAN I ACTUALLY AM EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!'

But BK heard a horn behind him... it was a taxi! BK rose from his knees and got into the back, in the cab in the adjoining seat was...

[Hanson]

... Hanson, again, amazingly.

Stunned, BK asked Hanson how he had done this astonishing feat, and Hanson smiled his knowing smile, and said sagely, "All things are linked."

BK couldn't believe what was happening, his mind reeling, perhaps from the pungent fumes of his refuse, still beside him in the cab.

BK turned to the cabbie to apologize for the smell, but was shocked to realise that the driver was none other than...

[Funky Chunk]

than me. As I turned around to chastise Hanson and BK for smelling up my cab, I noticed that they were foreigners and instead said, "Oh, you two are very handsome. Are you Russian?" In my eagerness to proposition these two strapping young men, I neglected the road for a bit too long and crashed my cab straight into the shoe-box sized, unheated, dirty, buggy, apartment of...

[blurgalurgalurga]

...me. I'm so blown away to actually see foreigners in my part of town, I rush out to chat with them about hockey and politics and What's Wrong With the World These Days. They are bleeding from the ears already from their recent car-crash, even before I start my yammer, and soon they are choking in their own puke too, buffeted as they are by such a flagrant display of desperate lonesomeness.

"C'mon, fellas, why so glum?" I yell at them as they crawl off, broken and bleeding but glad to get the hell away from me, leaving behind nothing but a slug trail of leaking bodily fluids, a couple of fake phone numbers, and a promise to 'definitely get together sometime for beers, no doubt, dude.'

I sulk back towards my hovel and notice that the cab driven by Funky Chunk is on fire, and decide that I may as well get involved. I go over to the smoldering wreck, where she smiles through her moughtful of broken teeth and glurgles bloodily "rush...russia saram?" but I can't understand her because I don't know Korean so I say the only phrase I know, which is 'anio, anio, shilly ham knee da; doenjang chigae, uh, Jew say yo."
Enraged, Funky Chunk gets her second wind, and drags herself out of the busted up hunk of car, and vomits on me full force.
It makes a sound like 'blurgalurgalurga' and I am struck not only by the vomit but by a almost-mystical sense of connectedness.
At which point I am struck on the head by a frozen lump of poop falling from a passing airliner, excreted by some nameless newb who couldn't hack it and did a runner. I die, and become a ghost, as do all who are killed by falling poo-cicles, and haunt the next person who comes across the scene. Their name is...

[Funky Chunk]

[suneV]

......

Then suneV comes along and slaps them all around the head and says

- you guys need to find something better to do with your time. Have you ever tried water colour classes?

[Tiger Beer]

[TheresaTheresa]