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cyui
Joined: 10 Jan 2011
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 Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:01 am Post subject: |
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It is 20,000..relax!
Think about it as foregoing your sat night "cover" in lieu of being able to keep your $2,000 /month job.
Just go the ATM, enter your pin, hit the 20,000 withdrawl cash button and don't think ANY-THING more of it...ok? Simple, easy and nice.
Understand? |
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jvalmer
Joined: 06 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:18 am Post subject: |
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| Radius wrote: |
| BoholDiver wrote: |
I don't believe it to be equal. I am not screamng racism, but in any culture like this, someone is getting more than their share. I agree with happiness.
This reminds me of some BS that happened in 2007, at the beginning of the year. My wife's friend's grandmother died and my wife says we should pay her some money. I said no but then she got real upset and said we owe it to her, blah blah blah. In the end I gave the money and made it clar that this will never ever hppen again for a non-family member. She got angry and I asked this question: "If/when my grandmother or grandfather dies, will I get anything?"
Later that year my (maternal) grandfather died and in early 2010 my (Paternal) grandmother died. I didn't see one red cent. Screw you and your customs Korea. |
wow, so what did your girlfriend say after no one gave you money for your grandmothers death? |
The real test is when her mother dies, if people will give money then. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:02 am Post subject: |
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Curious here boho but does this 'screw you and your customs Korea' include your gf-wife as I assume she is Korean?
I am sure that screw you Korea attitude goes over well in your home. 
I also assume its ok for your gf-wife to say 'Screw you (insert your home country) and your culture'? In the spirit of being fair of course.
In all seriousness, what you describe is odd but seems to happen a lot. My wife's best friend gave birth to her first child while we were visiting this year. We bought a gift and gave some money, no big deal.
When my uncle passed away last summer, we got help, gifts and money from many of my wife's friend (not mentionning family!) in Korea even if we are now living in Canada.
Others have different experiences of course but at the end of the day if you told your gf-wife 'here is the money but I will NEVER give another dime for non-immediate family' she may have just fired back with the death in your family by not even telling her friends or telling her friends they did not need to contribute....it does tend to flow both ways...
As for ther OP, it does sound like a misscommunication. At my jobs in Korea we typically either had a fund for funerals and weddings that everyone contributed to or it was done on an attend-voluntary basis. |
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RMNC
Joined: 21 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:23 am Post subject: |
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You're there to work and get paid, not pay them. You can bet dollars to betsy that if you lost a relative and left work for a week you wouldn't see 100 won. Currying favor through money is a pointless endeavor, as is gifting strangers.
I was asked to participate in these activities before, but played the dumb foreigner card. As such, I left Korea with a few hundred dollars more than I would have, something which I find to be more satisfying than knowing I chipped in on some temporary coworker's birthdays. |
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earthquakez
Joined: 10 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 3:00 pm Post subject: Re: Bribes |
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| VanishingBoy wrote: |
| I know Korea well enough to know how corrupt it can be. If they told me that it was customary to give your superiors gifts on Seolnal, I could understand it. They are explicitly asking for money, though. I am just wondering what the community here thinks. Korea's been good to me and I don't want to rock the boat too much, but I also don't want to be dragged into a dirty game. I know that, as a foreigner, I get special treatment and I've refused these sorts of payments before. I could just use some advice on how to proceed with tact - I don't want to be osterisized for the rest of the year. |
Don't listen to the apologists who are trying to tell you this particular extorted 'gift' to the principal is usual for a foreigner. It's not, especially in the school system which I gather you are teaching in and not a hagwon. In this case it's simply a person without ethics taking advantage of his/her position in a heirarchy that puts you at the bottom to line their own pockets.
It's extortion pure and simple.  In my previous EPIK schools I gave money for a teacher who was very ill because everybody else was doing it and I wanted to pitch in. I wasn't pressured, just informed of the situation and I was told what was the right amount of money for somebody like myself to give. It wasn't much and I was happy to do it.
There were also collections for three staff members at my different schools because a member of their immediate family or their spouse's family had died. In the case of the spouse's family member, I was told by my contact teacher at the school that if I wanted to I could contribute but of course the situation was not as relevant to me as when one of my co worker's immediate family members had died. I contributed less on the guidance of that co worker but still felt glad I had participated.
This Seollal thing is a scam if foreigners are being told to contribute. It's sly and it's unnecessary especially as at some places Koreans make it obvious that the foreigner is excluded. Korean parents are especially good at failing to remember the extra things kind foreign teachers do. I don't give a damn what the usual suspects on this forum will come out with here - in Japan the class of even parents who don't have much was very obvious to me.
When I put my hands in my pockets to pay for students for anything, Japanese parents remembered it and some have even to this day. Last year a Japanese parent whose kid I was good to went to my parents' home with a gift when they were visiting London - and they were only there for 5 days. They don't know my flat's address but they had my parents' address. |
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BoholDiver
Joined: 03 Oct 2009
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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I don't have a girlfriend, but my wife said nothing.
I am saving it for next time somone dies so I can refuse to give anything.
| Radius wrote: |
| BoholDiver wrote: |
I don't believe it to be equal. I am not screamng racism, but in any culture like this, someone is getting more than their share. I agree with happiness.
This reminds me of some BS that happened in 2007, at the beginning of the year. My wife's friend's grandmother died and my wife says we should pay her some money. I said no but then she got real upset and said we owe it to her, blah blah blah. In the end I gave the money and made it clar that this will never ever hppen again for a non-family member. She got angry and I asked this question: "If/when my grandmother or grandfather dies, will I get anything?"
Later that year my (maternal) grandfather died and in early 2010 my (Paternal) grandmother died. I didn't see one red cent. Screw you and your customs Korea. |
wow, so what did your girlfriend say after no one gave you money for your grandmothers death? |
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BoholDiver
Joined: 03 Oct 2009
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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Homer: It's pretty easy to sit on your high horse there when people actually follow customs and don't conveniently forget when it is time to pry open their own wallets.
My wife has since become disenchanted wit many Korean customs as well. There's always someone with ther hat in their hand. We make a good wage but enough is enough. If I wanted communism, I'd move to Cuba.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
Curious here boho but does this 'screw you and your customs Korea' include your gf-wife as I assume she is Korean?
I am sure that screw you Korea attitude goes over well in your home.
I also assume its ok for your gf-wife to say 'Screw you (insert your home country) and your culture'? In the spirit of being fair of course.
In all seriousness, what you describe is odd but seems to happen a lot. My wife's best friend gave birth to her first child while we were visiting this year. We bought a gift and gave some money, no big deal.
When my uncle passed away last summer, we got help, gifts and money from many of my wife's friend (not mentionning family!) in Korea even if we are now living in Canada.
Others have different experiences of course but at the end of the day if you told your gf-wife 'here is the money but I will NEVER give another dime for non-immediate family' she may have just fired back with the death in your family by not even telling her friends or telling her friends they did not need to contribute....it does tend to flow both ways...
As for ther OP, it does sound like a misscommunication. At my jobs in Korea we typically either had a fund for funerals and weddings that everyone contributed to or it was done on an attend-voluntary basis. |
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tottenhamtaipeinick
Joined: 05 Sep 2010
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:46 am Post subject: |
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| BoholDiver wrote: |
Homer: It's pretty easy to sit on your high horse there when people actually follow customs and don't conveniently forget when it is time to pry open their own wallets.
My wife has since become disenchanted wit many Korean customs as well. There's always someone with ther hat in their hand. We make a good wage but enough is enough. If I wanted communism, I'd move to Cuba.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
Curious here boho but does this 'screw you and your customs Korea' include your gf-wife as I assume she is Korean?
I am sure that screw you Korea attitude goes over well in your home.
I also assume its ok for your gf-wife to say 'Screw you (insert your home country) and your culture'? In the spirit of being fair of course.
In all seriousness, what you describe is odd but seems to happen a lot. My wife's best friend gave birth to her first child while we were visiting this year. We bought a gift and gave some money, no big deal.
When my uncle passed away last summer, we got help, gifts and money from many of my wife's friend (not mentionning family!) in Korea even if we are now living in Canada.
Others have different experiences of course but at the end of the day if you told your gf-wife 'here is the money but I will NEVER give another dime for non-immediate family' she may have just fired back with the death in your family by not even telling her friends or telling her friends they did not need to contribute....it does tend to flow both ways...
As for ther OP, it does sound like a misscommunication. At my jobs in Korea we typically either had a fund for funerals and weddings that everyone contributed to or it was done on an attend-voluntary basis. |
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Sigh....
No high horse boho, I just found your post interesting and it raised some questions in my mind. No offense was intended anyway.
Your reply also leaves me a bit surprised: "If I wanted communism I would move to Cuba"..
Very theatrical and dramatic but really now a bit over the top no?
My question was genuine, since you brush aside Korea and its customs (perhaps you meant some of the customs) you would no doubt accept it if your wife brused aside your country and its customs right?
Seriously, this is not me judging you, I just wonder how this works out.
My wife does not like certain things about her own culture and about my culture. The same goes for me. Still, neither of us would go and say "screw Korea/Canada and its customs". I suspect thats not what you meant either.
If I may offer up a bit of advice here: saving it for next time somone dies so I can refuse to give anything. is a real bad idea. Its just you being vindictive to your wife. A better course of action would be to discuss it with her no?
Anyway, good luck and all the best. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:47 am Post subject: Re: Bribes |
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| earthquakez wrote: |
| VanishingBoy wrote: |
| I know Korea well enough to know how corrupt it can be. If they told me that it was customary to give your superiors gifts on Seolnal, I could understand it. They are explicitly asking for money, though. I am just wondering what the community here thinks. Korea's been good to me and I don't want to rock the boat too much, but I also don't want to be dragged into a dirty game. I know that, as a foreigner, I get special treatment and I've refused these sorts of payments before. I could just use some advice on how to proceed with tact - I don't want to be osterisized for the rest of the year. |
Don't listen to the apologists who are trying to tell you this particular extorted 'gift' to the principal is usual for a foreigner. It's not, especially in the school system which I gather you are teaching in and not a hagwon. In this case it's simply a person without ethics taking advantage of his/her position in a heirarchy that puts you at the bottom to line their own pockets.
It's extortion pure and simple. In my previous EPIK schools I gave money for a teacher who was very ill because everybody else was doing it and I wanted to pitch in. I wasn't pressured, just informed of the situation and I was told what was the right amount of money for somebody like myself to give. It wasn't much and I was happy to do it.
There were also collections for three staff members at my different schools because a member of their immediate family or their spouse's family had died. In the case of the spouse's family member, I was told by my contact teacher at the school that if I wanted to I could contribute but of course the situation was not as relevant to me as when one of my co worker's immediate family members had died. I contributed less on the guidance of that co worker but still felt glad I had participated.
This Seollal thing is a scam if foreigners are being told to contribute. It's sly and it's unnecessary especially as at some places Koreans make it obvious that the foreigner is excluded. Korean parents are especially good at failing to remember the extra things kind foreign teachers do. I don't give a damn what the usual suspects on this forum will come out with here - in Japan the class of even parents who don't have much was very obvious to me.
When I put my hands in my pockets to pay for students for anything, Japanese parents remembered it and some have even to this day. Last year a Japanese parent whose kid I was good to went to my parents' home with a gift when they were visiting London - and they were only there for 5 days. They don't know my flat's address but they had my parents' address. |
Extortion?
Oh my how some people love drama and theatre on this forum... |
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BoholDiver
Joined: 03 Oct 2009
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 6:50 am Post subject: |
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If we have a stupid custom in our country, my wife can put it down if she wants. She doesn't have to follow all of them if there are a few she doesn't agree with.
I have advice for you as well. Reread your post and see why someone might think you are judging them.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
| BoholDiver wrote: |
Homer: It's pretty easy to sit on your high horse there when people actually follow customs and don't conveniently forget when it is time to pry open their own wallets.
My wife has since become disenchanted wit many Korean customs as well. There's always someone with ther hat in their hand. We make a good wage but enough is enough. If I wanted communism, I'd move to Cuba.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
Curious here boho but does this 'screw you and your customs Korea' include your gf-wife as I assume she is Korean?
I am sure that screw you Korea attitude goes over well in your home.
I also assume its ok for your gf-wife to say 'Screw you (insert your home country) and your culture'? In the spirit of being fair of course.
In all seriousness, what you describe is odd but seems to happen a lot. My wife's best friend gave birth to her first child while we were visiting this year. We bought a gift and gave some money, no big deal.
When my uncle passed away last summer, we got help, gifts and money from many of my wife's friend (not mentionning family!) in Korea even if we are now living in Canada.
Others have different experiences of course but at the end of the day if you told your gf-wife 'here is the money but I will NEVER give another dime for non-immediate family' she may have just fired back with the death in your family by not even telling her friends or telling her friends they did not need to contribute....it does tend to flow both ways...
As for ther OP, it does sound like a misscommunication. At my jobs in Korea we typically either had a fund for funerals and weddings that everyone contributed to or it was done on an attend-voluntary basis. |
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Sigh....
No high horse boho, I just found your post interesting and it raised some questions in my mind. No offense was intended anyway.
Your reply also leaves me a bit surprised: "If I wanted communism I would move to Cuba"..
Very theatrical and dramatic but really now a bit over the top no?
My question was genuine, since you brush aside Korea and its customs (perhaps you meant some of the customs) you would no doubt accept it if your wife brused aside your country and its customs right?
Seriously, this is not me judging you, I just wonder how this works out.
My wife does not like certain things about her own culture and about my culture. The same goes for me. Still, neither of us would go and say "screw Korea/Canada and its customs". I suspect thats not what you meant either.
If I may offer up a bit of advice here: saving it for next time somone dies so I can refuse to give anything. is a real bad idea. Its just you being vindictive to your wife. A better course of action would be to discuss it with her no?
Anyway, good luck and all the best. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:34 am Post subject: |
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| BoholDiver wrote: |
If we have a stupid custom in our country, my wife can put it down if she wants. She doesn't have to follow all of them if there are a few she doesn't agree with.
I have advice for you as well. Reread your post and see why someone might think you are judging them.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
| BoholDiver wrote: |
Homer: It's pretty easy to sit on your high horse there when people actually follow customs and don't conveniently forget when it is time to pry open their own wallets.
My wife has since become disenchanted wit many Korean customs as well. There's always someone with ther hat in their hand. We make a good wage but enough is enough. If I wanted communism, I'd move to Cuba.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
Curious here boho but does this 'screw you and your customs Korea' include your gf-wife as I assume she is Korean?
I am sure that screw you Korea attitude goes over well in your home.
I also assume its ok for your gf-wife to say 'Screw you (insert your home country) and your culture'? In the spirit of being fair of course.
In all seriousness, what you describe is odd but seems to happen a lot. My wife's best friend gave birth to her first child while we were visiting this year. We bought a gift and gave some money, no big deal.
When my uncle passed away last summer, we got help, gifts and money from many of my wife's friend (not mentionning family!) in Korea even if we are now living in Canada.
Others have different experiences of course but at the end of the day if you told your gf-wife 'here is the money but I will NEVER give another dime for non-immediate family' she may have just fired back with the death in your family by not even telling her friends or telling her friends they did not need to contribute....it does tend to flow both ways...
As for ther OP, it does sound like a misscommunication. At my jobs in Korea we typically either had a fund for funerals and weddings that everyone contributed to or it was done on an attend-voluntary basis. |
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Sigh....
No high horse boho, I just found your post interesting and it raised some questions in my mind. No offense was intended anyway.
Your reply also leaves me a bit surprised: "If I wanted communism I would move to Cuba"..
Very theatrical and dramatic but really now a bit over the top no?
My question was genuine, since you brush aside Korea and its customs (perhaps you meant some of the customs) you would no doubt accept it if your wife brused aside your country and its customs right?
Seriously, this is not me judging you, I just wonder how this works out.
My wife does not like certain things about her own culture and about my culture. The same goes for me. Still, neither of us would go and say "screw Korea/Canada and its customs". I suspect thats not what you meant either.
If I may offer up a bit of advice here: saving it for next time somone dies so I can refuse to give anything. is a real bad idea. Its just you being vindictive to your wife. A better course of action would be to discuss it with her no?
Anyway, good luck and all the best. |
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I did re-read my post...hence my reply and apology...check out the bolded and underlined passages from my last response above.  |
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BoholDiver
Joined: 03 Oct 2009
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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I was referring to your first reply.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
| BoholDiver wrote: |
If we have a stupid custom in our country, my wife can put it down if she wants. She doesn't have to follow all of them if there are a few she doesn't agree with.
I have advice for you as well. Reread your post and see why someone might think you are judging them.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
| BoholDiver wrote: |
Homer: It's pretty easy to sit on your high horse there when people actually follow customs and don't conveniently forget when it is time to pry open their own wallets.
My wife has since become disenchanted wit many Korean customs as well. There's always someone with ther hat in their hand. We make a good wage but enough is enough. If I wanted communism, I'd move to Cuba.
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
Curious here boho but does this 'screw you and your customs Korea' include your gf-wife as I assume she is Korean?
I am sure that screw you Korea attitude goes over well in your home.
I also assume its ok for your gf-wife to say 'Screw you (insert your home country) and your culture'? In the spirit of being fair of course.
In all seriousness, what you describe is odd but seems to happen a lot. My wife's best friend gave birth to her first child while we were visiting this year. We bought a gift and gave some money, no big deal.
When my uncle passed away last summer, we got help, gifts and money from many of my wife's friend (not mentionning family!) in Korea even if we are now living in Canada.
Others have different experiences of course but at the end of the day if you told your gf-wife 'here is the money but I will NEVER give another dime for non-immediate family' she may have just fired back with the death in your family by not even telling her friends or telling her friends they did not need to contribute....it does tend to flow both ways...
As for ther OP, it does sound like a misscommunication. At my jobs in Korea we typically either had a fund for funerals and weddings that everyone contributed to or it was done on an attend-voluntary basis. |
|
Sigh....
No high horse boho, I just found your post interesting and it raised some questions in my mind. No offense was intended anyway.
Your reply also leaves me a bit surprised: "If I wanted communism I would move to Cuba"..
Very theatrical and dramatic but really now a bit over the top no?
My question was genuine, since you brush aside Korea and its customs (perhaps you meant some of the customs) you would no doubt accept it if your wife brused aside your country and its customs right?
Seriously, this is not me judging you, I just wonder how this works out.
My wife does not like certain things about her own culture and about my culture. The same goes for me. Still, neither of us would go and say "screw Korea/Canada and its customs". I suspect thats not what you meant either.
If I may offer up a bit of advice here: saving it for next time somone dies so I can refuse to give anything. is a real bad idea. Its just you being vindictive to your wife. A better course of action would be to discuss it with her no?
Anyway, good luck and all the best. |
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I did re-read my post...hence my reply and apology...check out the bolded and underlined passages from my last response above. |
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bobbybigfoot
Joined: 05 May 2007
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:33 pm Post subject: |
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| What stupid customs do we have back home? |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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| bobbybigfoot wrote: |
| What stupid customs do we have back home? |
The only one I can think offhand of is shaking hands. Bowing is far more hygienic. |
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