Korean Job Discussion Forums

[pangaea]

This is not just a rant, though that is what I feel like doing right now. I am genuinely curious as to why people here think it's ok to ask a perfect stranger personal questions about their religion, marital status, living arrangements, etc. I know that not all Korean people do this. I have met some really wonderful people here. I have also had encounters with strangers here in various public places who, within 2 minutes of meeting me, want to know where I live, if I live alone, if I am married, what religion I belong to, how much money I make, etc. Usually, they are people who speak enough English to communicate with me, but are not fluent in the language. So, my question is, are these appropriate topics of conversation among strangers in Korea? Are these topics being taught in conversation classes as being appropriate to ask? What teachers are teaching people that it's ok to ask invasive questions of any foreigners they meet?

I appreciate any attempt people make to be genuinely friendly and try to communicate with me. I usually try to be open and friendly in return, but the exchanges I have had here with strangers make me wary of anyone who tries to talk to me and I really don't want to feel that way.

[Setaro]

All Koreans ask each other these questions when they meet; the information allows them to choose which level of language to use.

Does the other person have a higher status job than the speakers does/earns more? Then they need to use a more respectful form of Korean speech. The only way to know this is to ask personal questions.

[nate1983]

[myenglishisno]

I just learned to become comfortable with those kinds of questions.

I have no problems talking about my age, my marital status, my salary, my nationality, my religion (or lack thereof) or most of the other questions that I get asked routinely. Looking through the cultural lense, most of these questions aren't even really that personal. I could see people being bothered by the inevitable salary question although in Korea, for the most part, everyone has a pretty good idea of how much money we make (I've had Elementary students accurately guess my salary for crying out loud).

[Hyeon Een]

I think the boundary between what is personal and what is not varies a lot from culture to culture. Americans often say things, or ask questions, which a British person would find to be 'crossing the line', as it were.

It's quite common for an American to mention medical complaints very early in a discussion, when it would never be mentioned in 100 years for a British person, for example.

Some Koreans, when speaking to Westerners, often have some weird misguided notion that nothing is off-bounds. In their mind westerners freely talk about anything including: race, religion, salary, hobbies, medical complaints and so on.

Their 'mental disconnect' is no more egregious than the average American speaking to the average Brit. It's weird when one experiences it, but there is no harm nor foul intended.

It can be amusing when you ask corresponding questions to the initial inquisitor though.

A few years back I had a dinner wit some business students. I was working for a hagwan at the time, but was farmed out to Posco. One of the Posco managers straight out asked me how much money I made. As a Brit, I found this question rather vulgar. I said to the man, "How much money do YOU make". He chastised me and told me it was a rude question to ask haha.

I pointed out that he had just asked me the same question. He said some nonsense about it being acceptable in muy culture (it's not), but not in his (and he's right there).

Anyway we'd had some soju so I demanded that he answer, if I do the same. 6 years ago as a seniorish manger at Posco he made aout 6 million a month. He laughed when I told him how much I made at the time haha.

Anyway, I don't think these Koreans asking these questions are being knowingly offensive, it's simply a matter of 'OK English' + 'bad social skills'.

[kenglish]

Koreans aren't known for their social grace. not exactly the most subtle talkers around. it could just mean that they're trying to be acquainted with you, a friendly talk and all.

[WadRUG'naDoo]

There's is one simple answer to any personal questions you may not want to answer:

I am blunt.

[DaHu]

I have a stock set of lies that come out when people ask personal questions. Maybe you could make a game out of it.

[winterfall]

[itistime]

[Steelrails]

I don't fear the truth, so I give honest answers.

[happiness]

[pangaea]

Steelrails wrote:

[itistime]

[definitely maybe]

For those of you who claim these questions are common among Koreans in their own social interactions, I encourage you to present them with a similar line of questioning. You'll likely find that they are incredibly uncomfortable answering these questions, and many will tell you they're inappropriate. It's generally not considered to be acceptable in Korean culture, and the people who are asking you many of these questions are not treating you with the same respect that they give each other.