Korean Job Discussion Forums

[chungbukdo]

What are the kinds of things that the average Korean parent wants their daughter's boyfriend to have/do/be?

[murmanjake]

[wishfullthinkng]

[Savant]

[chungbukdo]

Well I'm about to spend the entire next year studying Korean, so I will be able to communicate with them when we finally meet.

Will also have graduated from a Western university.

[wishfullthinkng]

if you're a waegook you'll learn quickly that the things we typed are typically not preference or optional for the parents, they are absolute musts and the daughter will get disowned if she goes against her parents wishes.

best of luck.

[BigBuds]

money, doctor, money, or lawyer, money, graduate of a top uni, money, Korean, money.

[chungbukdo]

Well, my girlfriend is not a doctor or med student either. So I'm sure not all parents expect their daughter to date a doctor. There are so few lawyers in Korea that I can't believe any Korean parent would say, "My daughter only dates lawyers." Lettuce ketchup to real tea.

Anyway looking for more helpful replies like things I can do, personality characteristics or something.

[wishfullthinkng]

[Oreovictim]

Well, you don't have to have money, be successful, be Korean. When I used to like Korean women, it wasn't really an issue.

1. Girlfriend #1 - Had a massive falling out with her dad. To get back at her dad, she only dated foreigners.

2. Girlfriend #2 - Had a dead father.

3. Girlfriend #3 - Divorced, was in her late '30s, had a kid.

4. Girlfriend #4 - Actually, her parents did have an issue with all foreigners. This relationship didn't last. (I should have known. Her last foreigner boyfriend was some big-shot executive in Canada. The poor 'tard flew all the way to Korea just to attend girlfriend's sister's wedding. The mom wouldn't even respond to his hello.)

O.P. - you're not good looking by any chance, are you? If you have looks, the soon-to-be inlaws might let things slide.

[Slowmotion]

[Seoulman69]

[eamo]

I'd say a lot depends on the wealth of her family. If they're loaded, then they will have high expectations for a potential son-in-law.....if they're poor, you'll get much less grief from her parents.

Rich Korean families typically bankroll their kids educations, wedding and first home.....they won't be happy doing that if you're a bit of a bum.

[decolyon]

Now we have to be realistic and give some Korean parents credit. Not all of them expect their daughter to marry a rich doctor from a SKY school. Of course they hold out hope, who doesn't hope for the best for their children? But I've found Korean parents can be much more reasonable than the old stereotype. I've dated quite a few Korean girls here, from every walk of life and every kind of background. Only one said her parents were like the stuffy old types we mentioned above. The rest said that of course they want a good life for their daughter, but they want her to by happy. Especially considering parents of 20 something girls these days have seen loveless Korean marriages where the husband stays out drinking, sleeps with prostitutes, and comes home to knock around the wife for a few rounds.

I've even had high school students of mine say their parents want them to marry a foreigner, because foreigners are more kind, have better manners, and are less likely to cheat. Poor kids, I can't imagine what kind of homes they grew up in.

So OP, I think your best bet (and you really need to make sure she's the one, because having a Korean gf is not the same as having that same Korean girl as your wife - they literally change over night) is to maximize your strong points and minimize your flaws. Make sure you have a healthy savings account. Her parents will probably ask what kind of money you have stuck back. Make sure you have a solid and realistic 5 year or 10 year plan, and a good reason why you're following that plan (at least hint that you want to start a family, even if you don't.) Be very well groomed the first time you meet them and make sure you follow every polite custom in the book. Make sure your gf prepares you to meet them and doesn't let you walk blind into it. Korean fathers want to see you as the son they never had, so play to his interests. Does he like baseball or soccer? What's his job and does he like it? Is he a Christian? Your job is to win him over. She will take care of mom. Just make sure you're attentive to your gf and sweet to her in their presence. Don't fondle her and don't kiss her, but they want to see that you care about her. Hold her hand, sit close to her, use "we" more than "I."

And you better get intense with the Korean lessons. They want to feel they can comfortably communicate with you. If your gf is doing all the translating, it's not going to go over very well. Plus it shows you're serious about making a life with her and that you respect her culture and her family. The first time you meet, you will be expected to bring a gift. Cut no corners here. If her father isn't an ubber religious type, then the most expensive bottle of whiskey you can find will be great. Price is more important that quality here. Mom should get the most top of the line cosmetics kit every made and then you should give one of those pricey bulgogi sets from the department store as a gift to them both. Little brother or sister should get something nice as well (if she has any.) Something educational like a study book or really nice pencil case set with all the bells and whistles. Other posts are correct, your first impression is absolutely crucial. It will be burned into their memory forever and may dictate what kind of relationship you have with them in the future.

I could go on and on here. I've met parents before and it's usually been a good experience. One last note though. after the first meeting, make sure your gf goes home with her parents that night. Sure she can walk you to the subway or if it's early go have a coffee with you, but you don't want them to think you took her back to your house and are deflowering her as they discuss your potential as a son-in-law. You need to be a gentleman and make sure that the appearance of your intentions are honest.

Good luck.

[Slowmotion]