Korean Job Discussion Forums

[While Away]

I am living with a Korean man now for the first time and everything is going fine except at meal time. Trouble seems to be coming from the cultural difference that in the East, you should not eat the last portion of food; but in the West, we should eat to the finish (within reason and desire).
For example, this morning, we had only one serving of Korean soup left. Usually he makes Korean soup every night and we eat for breakfast and dinner the next day, but we got in late last night. So I figure, you eat the Korean soup and I�ll have cereal and milk (which I really like but haven�t had for ages). Well, no, he shut down on this idea, says he will only eat kimchi and rice and not the remaining soup. So I say, OK, let�s eat the remaining soup 50-50 and have a lot of veggies to make up the difference. OK. So we split the soup and start to eat. Half way through, he�s not eating (his favorite soup), only veggies. He just can�t make himself eat if there is some sense of not being enough or it is getting near the end of a dish.
This is just one meal, and may sound silly. But over the course of months it gets really irritating. We always have little last portions of food saved in the fridge. In America we would just eat leftovers together once in a while, but here he always says �you eat it, you eat it�, like I am some sort of garbage disposal. Frankly, if he isn't around, I will eat western food, not Korean.
If I make a meal, or even assist with the food (make a salad), he will not eat the food I make. Not because of not liking the food, it is some other reason� He does all the cooking and I clean the dishes, he really won�t have it any other way.
I have tried the �Mahn-i du-sei yo, Mahn-i du-sei yo,� approach. I have tried the bit about "eat it all because there are hungry children in the north". I just can�t get him to eat the last part of a dish, even if he is clearly hungry. So this morning I took the soup he wouldn�t eat (and my bowl too) and poured it down the sink. I don�t know what else to do. I am tired of being a garbage disposal, but I don�t know how to get him to eat to the finish.
He is older than me, and actually very unlikely to change any habits. He is very traditional and set in his ways and I understand that is the way older people can be and it is fine. But this is one habit that is just driving me crazy.
I want to have a discussion about this with him tonight, to try to get things ironed over and avoid this cultural difference in the future. But I am not sure exactly what is involved here from the Korean cultural point of view. Why do they not eat, even when hungry, if there is less than a plentiful amount?

[eamo]

[bbud656]

The hard part about being with someone from another country is you don't know when they are crazy or when its just a cultural difference. Either way, if you dont have good communication its a bad sign. When my girlfriend does something strange I always ask why and then try to assign her a level of crazy based on her reasoning. If you both can muster a sense of humor, you will be fine.

[Steelrails]

Just eat as much as you want. This is one rule I absolutely don't follow. Koreans expect me to leave a bit, pfft, I'm eating it all. Westerners yell about starving kids and expect me to eat past full and are shocked when I throw out food that I 'm full on or don't like. I don't care, I'm not eating an extra 300 calories just to satisfy someone's weird notions.

Do your own thing here. If you are all adults, things should work out.

[sadguy]

when my k gf can't finish her meal, sometimes i'm delighted because i get to finish it for her!!! i must look like a pig to koreans.

when i was at her parents house, she couldn't finish her soup so i finished it for her and they felt so bad for me that she would let me finish off her soup.

[decolyon]

You say he's older and very traditional, yet he lives with a Western fe(male?) Koreans don't even have flat mates they're not related or married to and he's living with a foreigner, doesn't sound too traditional to me.

I'm not criticizing, it just sounds like his food quirk is more of a personal trait and less about tradition.

Look, Koreans are weird about food. Any long time observer can see that. They don't consider any meal a meal, unless it has rice. They could literally eat a whole pizza to themselves, and it's "just a snack." Any and all things foreign are to be eaten as a guilty pleasure. But never admitted to. They will put leftover Korean food in the fridge, but leftover Western food is fine to just sit out in the open all night. I put leftover pizza in the fridge, every K-gf I've had is shocked when I do this. They will smother everything in go-chu-jang if given the chance. I'm convinced that by age 22, they have burnt off every taste bud on their tongue.

I'm not saying we're any better than they are though. If I see one more 250 pound American woman order a Big Mac with extra large fries, an ice cream, and then get the "diet coke" because she's "trying to lose weight" I'm just going to walk into traffic.

[DorkothyParker]

Throwing out food is wasteful, but so is eating food if you don't enjoy it or aren't hungry. Then it's both wasteful and waist-ful. ^^

decolyon: I always drink diet if I splurge on junk food. It's like 200 calories. Why waste 200 calories on something if you can't taste the difference? I don't get why people complain about this. :/

[Squire]

I'll always finish what's on my plate/tray and if possible what's left on the table. I couldn't care for the cultural difference on this one, I think it's in bad taste (no pun) to leave food

[jonpurdy]

Actually, I heard about this leaving a bit at the end thing. But in my three years here I've never seen it happen at all. At school lunch, "ajossi style" is to eat every last piece of rice and food on your tray and you're encouraged to do so. Kids get scolded for leaving food on their trays.

The only thing I've heard is to try and give the last piece of something to someone else. If everyone refuses then the offerer would just eat it.

[nero]

Honestly I think eating every last crumb like pigs at the trough is an American thing. I was always taught to leave some on the plate for 'Miss Manners.'
It is this constant shovelling and shovelling of calories down the gullet by some westerners that is honestly quite sick making.

[DaHu]

[decolyon]

[drydell]

Big difference between Korean/Western family meals in my experience - Koreans bring out a host of banchans/food most of which will serve for multiple meals - they'll be returned to the fridge after eating - you're not expected to polish off the food like in a Western home.. i've made that mistake ...trying to finish the dinner - impossible task - don't even try... they'll just bring more and more..

Maybe your partner is just doing what is typical in a Korean household and not comfortable with finishing the meal like we are..?

of course there is often the the opposite force in play once you are married into a Korean family!.. - the Korean mother-in-law trying to get you to eat until you pop!

The Okininawans use to practice the eat until 80% full rule..I think that this calorie restriction rule - leaving some food on the plate - is one of the reasons they were the longest living and most active/healthiest... so maybe it aint so bad after all..

[jvalmer]

[NYC_Gal 2.0]

Um... Why don't people just put less on their plates and finish it all?