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People you meet here...a poll
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Zyzyfer



Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?

PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2004 7:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did hang out with entirely different kinds of people in Korea, but it actually helped me develop. I had been hanging out with a lot of critical people for years, and it was refreshing to hang out with people who were on the other end of the criticism. Change of pace...met some great people...really loosened up(for me, that is).
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rapier



Joined: 16 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2004 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its hard to tell if you've made a real friend here or not sometimes. depends wether they keep in contact with you after they fly out or not.
many times no. However I have had some surprises...people you liked that keep in touch long after- and people you thought were fantastic that stop emailing the moment they leave.
You can never tell.
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Gwangjuboy



Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Location: England

PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

rapier wrote:
Its hard to tell if you've made a real friend here or not sometimes. depends wether they keep in contact with you after they fly out or not.
many times no. However I have had some surprises...people you liked that keep in touch long after- and people you thought were fantastic that stop emailing the moment they leave.
You can never tell.


Good point. I find that most Westerners are too casual about their friendships in Korea. That is dissapointing considering we all live in a far away land. Most of the Westerners I have met are very cold, and when you need some emotional support, often you are found wanting. I have some great Korean friends (who don't know any other Westerners), but it is difficult to get inside their personalities. Koreans who befriend many Westerners, and frequent the expat bars, often mirror the perosnalities of Westerners. Incidentally, I find that North Americans on average are colder than their British, Aussie, and Kiwi counterparts. Anyone else find this?
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lawyertood



Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Location: Seoul, Incheon and the World--working undercover for the MOJ

PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not to steal or divert this thread but...do you find yourself mostly talking about the bad things about Korea, teaching, drinking or scoring when you get together with your foreign friends here? I've noticed that my friends and I have rehashed some of the same discussions many times. I think it's not so bad meeting new people from time to time to bring you temporarily out of this rut.
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Ody



Joined: 27 Jan 2003
Location: over here

PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

although i consider myself to be open and friendly, my experience corrolates with Kiwiboy's post. However, like Butterfly, i find that i share a simular outlook on life with a higher percentage of fellow expats here than i do with random Americans back home.

on the subject of forming friendships with the locals, whether here or stateside, i find my Korean acquaintances to be somewhat distant.

Lawertood's comment is interesting. i know i'm getting tired of the same old conversations.

lawyertood wrote:
Not to steal or divert this thread but...do you find yourself mostly talking about the bad things about Korea, teaching, drinking or scoring when you get together with your foreign friends here? I've noticed that my friends and I have rehashed some of the same discussions many times. I think it's not so bad meeting new people from time to time to bring you temporarily out of this rut.


in meeting new people, the question "Where are you from" grates on my nerves as much as the ol' "What do you do?" question always did. that's one reason why i've enjoyed going to the gatherings and meeting folks from this board where it's not automatically the first thing you hear.
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Sparkster



Joined: 21 Mar 2004

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 4:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have only been here 6 weeks but have met a fair few folk from around the world - some good some odd.

One thing I have encountered which totally threw me is some western folk who simply do not want to socialise with other western folk. They simply refuse at all costs and smugly state that they prefer only to kick about with Koreans. I find that a really crappy approach to life and a strange one.

In my opinion it should not matter where a potencial friend is from....all that matters is if you get on with them (and that they like beer).

Wise am I.
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Eazy_E



Joined: 30 Oct 2003
Location: British Columbia, Canada

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sparkster wrote:
I have only been here 6 weeks but have met a fair few folk from around the world - some good some odd.

One thing I have encountered which totally threw me is some western folk who simply do not want to socialise with other western folk. They simply refuse at all costs and smugly state that they prefer only to kick about with Koreans. I find that a really crappy approach to life and a strange one.

In my opinion it should not matter where a potencial friend is from....all that matters is if you get on with them (and that they like beer).

Wise am I.


I haven't met too many Westerners that refuse to socialize with others of their ilk. I think if you talk to most foreigners here, they will say that the majority of their friends in Korea are EFL expats like themselves.

But maybe some feel that it's good to branch out and get to know some Koreans since we're in Korea now! This is a good thing because it could be easy to get sucked into just hanging around with other foreigners. If you make some Korean friends the whole thing could be more rewarding because you'll learn more about Korean culture, language, etc.
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Sparkster



Joined: 21 Mar 2004

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 5:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I totally agree - having Korean pals does offer a unique insight into Korea....but actually avoiding socialising with a westerner just because they are not Korean is wrong diddly wrong wrong.

I have a mate who is at a Hagwan with two other western lads. She has just arrived and both of them told her that they did not hang out with western folk....end of story. Not the warmest of welcomes!

Putting up barriers like that is just ...well....silly.
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jajdude



Joined: 18 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 7:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Friends? Yeah, had one of those once. Years ago. Exclamation
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chronicpride



Joined: 16 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 9:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I first came here and I entered the honeymoon phase of culture shock, I wanted to network and meet everybody. I had a lot of people that I would call associates and acquaintances, but no really good friends.

That's dwindled a lot since then, where now I have 3 quality friends that I would hang out with in any place on this earth, and have 3 or 4 others that I could see our friendships developing into something like that as well.

But, I do agree with Gwangjuboy on the emotional distance that there is between expats that hang out. It's like we all live at a big train station, seeing people come and go and often there's little time to develop anything significant.
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ryleeys



Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Location: Columbia, MD

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 9:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do you think that westerners can become detached from relationships in Korea since many of the people they meet are on the internet?

I mean, everyone talks about not taking this thing seriously, and if it's how you're meeting a certain amount of people, it could follow that the people you meet from the internet are then not taken as seriously...
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The Bobster



Joined: 15 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 10:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zyzyfer wrote:
I did hang out with entirely different kinds of people in Korea, but it actually helped me develop. I had been hanging out with a lot of critical people for years, and it was refreshing to hang out with people who were on the other end of the criticism. Change of pace...met some great people...really loosened up(for me, that is).
This is the flip side that is positive about it. Yeah, the relative scarcity of fellow waygooks compared to back home means a corresponding decrease in selectivity – this also means being open to meeting new types of people which I might not have given much consideration to if I��d been back home.

Honestly, zyz, I consider you one of the coolest of the cool I��ve met over here, but if we��d met while sharing beer back in the States? Can��t say for sure, and that��s my bad not yours or anyone else��s ��


A lot of us confuse drinking buddies with friends. Both are valuable but the former is easier to find here.

Some drinking buds later turn out to be friends. (Don��t worry, jaj, that��s you.)
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Toby



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Wedded Bliss

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Made 3 or 4 REALLY good friends here - foreigners.

Got a lot of acquaintances, both Korean and foreign.

If they fall into a differnet category, got a lot of friends here too. Both Korean and foreign.

Met a lot of people I would happily never meet again. They probably think the same about me though.

I find it is quite easy, usually, to assess someone in the first meeting as to whether or not they will be someone you chose to see again.
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Butterfly



Joined: 02 Mar 2003
Location: Kuwait

PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2004 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lawyertood wrote:
Not to steal or divert this thread but...do you find yourself mostly talking about the bad things about Korea, teaching, drinking or scoring when you get together with your foreign friends here?


Actually no, I did in the beginning, but not now. Most of my western friends have been here a few years and are way past endlessley dissing Korea. It just turns into life discussions just as you'd have back home, gossiping about people in your circle, talking about work, clothes, shopping, sex, just as you would back home. You forget Korea is a different country.

I very rarely befriend newbies, because they got to get through that whining stage, and once they got over that stage they sod off. Screw that.
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peemil



Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Location: Koowoompa

PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 12:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's right... You know... I just have a small group of friends. The rest. I mean. You know them when you see them out. Usually because you've met them in a bar or something. But for the most part. It's only because they speak English that you even think of associating with them in the first place.

I don't know... I'm confused and hungover. It just seems sometimes that there is a lack of people. I'm pretty easy going but some people you meet here are so... Full of themselves. "Look at me... I'm in Asia. I'm an English teacher. This is my first job ever... I am a middle class whatever from whatever... I'm paying off my student loans... Big whoop!" Up themselves, never had to do a lick of work in their life. Wanker-s, tossers and the like. God give me strength this hangover really hurts...
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