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Korean Job Discussion Forums "The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Teachers from Around the World!"
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death.by.soju
Joined: 09 Aug 2011
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:09 am Post subject: dealing with korean life - mentality |
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I've been around Koreans back home for years and have found them to be very innocent and sweet on an individual basis. However when I came here to the hermit kingdom I found it to be a completely different deal. I even caught up with a friend that I had made in Sydney who told me straight to my face that Koreans consider themselves "asian jews" and aren't too fond of outsiders, and that he didn't want to meet me anymore for that reason.
I've had good times but they've been few and far between. Seems like Koreans in general have no interest in foreigners, even if I can speak efficiently enough to them in their own language (in fact often it even seems to bother them, i guess they see me as their English slave and any attempts to integrate go against their schema of how waygookin should act).
I thought it might be homogeneity but I went to Japan and was delighted with my treatment.
Anyway I'm interested in knowing about what you guys do to get by as the minority here, in terms of how you deal with discrimination, attempts to integrate or not (befriending/ignoring koreans), whether you take a positive outlook or bottle it up and rant online, etc.
Also if anyone is doing something other than English teaching it would be interesting to know how your experience is, especially those studying Korean or something similar. |
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minos
Joined: 01 Dec 2010 Location: kOREA
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:46 am Post subject: |
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Well, I do some professional work aside from TEFL.... My guess is the language barrier. Did anybody want to make friends with the fobby asian exchange student who couldn't speak any english back in school?
Korean culture here is more so based on knowing friends through friends. In west, we're really big on meeting random folks; here not so much. Know korean helps, but I ended up befriending alot of shop keepers becuase of it. Not random people my age.
I tended to meet koreans through activities or need(language exchange for example if not through friends. Finding friends in the first places requires luck.
It's a real pain in the butt meeting people around my neighborhood because it's a college area with no clubs. It's a fun place, but their college students and I'm not in college....In the west, this wouldn't be an obstacle.
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I even caught up with a friend that I had made in Sydney who told me straight to my face that Koreans consider themselves "asian jews" and aren't too fond of outsiders, and that he didn't want to meet me anymore for that reason. |
Sounds like an ass |
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ZIFA
Joined: 23 Feb 2011 Location: Dici che il fiume..Trova la via al mare
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:55 am Post subject: |
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Foreigners are generally temporary in Korea and viewed as such.
Most people do not want to invest time and energy in friendships that are doomed to end after 6 months.
When you're at home in the US do you habitually make friends with temporary immigrants? Maybe go pick up a family of Mexicans and invite them into your inner circle? I doubt it.
Particularly Koreans. Their idea of friendship is something that spans decades.
Koreans do make excellent friends though. But it takes time. |
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Cyrs3
Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Location: USA
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:07 am Post subject: |
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I find that a lot of koreans will use foreigners as a status symbol for other koreans, but very few are really friends with them. They are so based on looks and status quo that they easily oversee feelings.
I have met many people who I am interested in being friends with only to find that they only want to talk to my pretty blonde friend, but even then they only invite her so they can gain social status. it's like f-ing hipsters except you are using another person instead of a bob dylan album to gain recognition. it completely boggles my mind how people can actually be like this, but I see it everyday. Koreans are extremely self concious and many of them won't let even eachother know the real them. heels, make-up, smartphones, popped collars, and foreign friends. whats the differince? we are all here temporarily so we have no feelings, we can't speak korean so we have no feelings, we are not the ideal foreigner, so we're not worth your time, if we are the ideal forienger you just want have a quick, one time occasion, so you can be the first of your buddies whose slept with a foriegn girl, and gotten a foriegn guy so drunk he forgot the way home. thank you for teaching me should be pleasently surprised when someone makes an effort to actually get to know me.
OK my rant is over.. Sorry I'm a little agnsty right now. college does that to one, especially a college as teeming with rich d-bags as mine is right now. |
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AsiaESLbound
Joined: 07 Jan 2010 Location: Truck Stop Missouri
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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Cyrs3 wrote: |
I find that a lot of koreans will use foreigners as a status symbol for other koreans, but very few are really friends with them. They are so based on looks and status quo that they easily oversee feelings.
I have met many people who I am interested in being friends with only to find that they only want to talk to my pretty blonde friend, but even then they only invite her so they can gain social status. it's like f-ing hipsters except you are using another person instead of a bob dylan album to gain recognition. it completely boggles my mind how people can actually be like this, but I see it everyday. Koreans are extremely self concious and many of them won't let even eachother know the real them. heels, make-up, smartphones, popped collars, and foreign friends. whats the differince? we are all here temporarily so we have no feelings, we can't speak korean so we have no feelings, we are not the ideal foreigner, so we're not worth your time, if we are the ideal forienger you just want have a quick, one time occasion, so you can be the first of your buddies whose slept with a foriegn girl, and gotten a foriegn guy so drunk he forgot the way home. thank you for teaching me should be pleasently surprised when someone makes an effort to actually get to know me.
OK my rant is over.. Sorry I'm a little agnsty right now. college does that to one, especially a college as teeming with rich d-bags as mine is right now. |
As phony as it is, image carries a lot of weight there just as it did years ago back home. If you you have a highly polished richy image, then they'll be proud to have you around, but if you dress sloppy, it embarrasses them to no end in any situation. The ideal image they have in mind for you to present is the ultra rich people commonly seen in our media. I don't blame the Koreans for their materialism, our media and entertainment back home influences other cultures in ways we would have never imagined. Those few highly stylized exceptional examples have inadvertently sold the idea of Westernizing to great extent that it's an attractive for them to try to live as if always on a movie set or runway. There was a time before our time when our people seen it most important to be all fancy about it. With the pretentious feelings high materialism invokes, it's difficult to impossible to connect with others in a meaningful manner. It's nothing to see Rolex's and big shoulder celebrity jackets on a Seoul Subway as if it were 1920's New York. They'll dress down when development slows down like it has in the West and they see their country as a fully developed one. One interesting thing about travel abroad is you experience the different time periods all countries go through and understanding tremendous amounts about how home used to be. We had many streetcars and our city streets were full of well dressed pedestrians putting on their best image, but that all ended when we started watching TV and driving cars. They too will go casual when their current roaring boom era ends. |
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highstreet
Joined: 13 Nov 2010
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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Most of my friends are Koreans. They're all cool people. Just keep searching if you want.
Naturally everyone you meet won't become a friend for life, but I think thats the norm anywhere. |
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OHIO
Joined: 16 Aug 2011 Location: Korea
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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Outside of work, I seldom have anything to do with Koreans. There usually seems to be an agenda with them. |
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Yaya

Joined: 25 Feb 2003 Location: Seoul
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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ZIFA wrote: |
Foreigners are generally temporary in Korea and viewed as such.
Most people do not want to invest time and energy in friendships that are doomed to end after 6 months.
When you're at home in the US do you habitually make friends with temporary immigrants? Maybe go pick up a family of Mexicans and invite them into your inner circle? I doubt it.
Particularly Koreans. Their idea of friendship is something that spans decades.
Koreans do make excellent friends though. But it takes time. |
I disagree, Koreans by and large do not make great friends. I have made a few here and there but many just scope you out to see if you have something they need, and if you don't, they forget about you. I've seen this time and time again in Korea.
I agree that making true friends in Korea takes time but even then, they often call only when they need something. |
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Steelrails

Joined: 12 Mar 2009 Location: Earth, Solar System
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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There is a flaw underlying all of this-
Koreans do not exist to make you happy and do not exist to be your friend. |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Location: Retired
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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Steelrails wrote: |
There is a flaw underlying all of this-
Koreans do not exist to make you happy and do not exist to be your friend. |
Exactly. You are more likely to become friends with people who share the same interests and from the same backgrounds because you have more in common. Most expats here are viewed as temporary (which they are). |
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oldtrafford
Joined: 12 Jan 2011
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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Outside of work, I seldom have anything to do with Koreans. There usually seems to be an agenda with them.
I couldn't agree more.  |
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minos
Joined: 01 Dec 2010 Location: kOREA
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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AsiaESLbound wrote: |
Cyrs3 wrote: |
I find that a lot of koreans will use foreigners as a status symbol for other koreans, but very few are really friends with them. They are so based on looks and status quo that they easily oversee feelings.
I have met many people who I am interested in being friends with only to find that they only want to talk to my pretty blonde friend, but even then they only invite her so they can gain social status. it's like f-ing hipsters except you are using another person instead of a bob dylan album to gain recognition. it completely boggles my mind how people can actually be like this, but I see it everyday. Koreans are extremely self concious and many of them won't let even eachother know the real them. heels, make-up, smartphones, popped collars, and foreign friends. whats the differince? we are all here temporarily so we have no feelings, we can't speak korean so we have no feelings, we are not the ideal foreigner, so we're not worth your time, if we are the ideal forienger you just want have a quick, one time occasion, so you can be the first of your buddies whose slept with a foriegn girl, and gotten a foriegn guy so drunk he forgot the way home. thank you for teaching me should be pleasently surprised when someone makes an effort to actually get to know me.
OK my rant is over.. Sorry I'm a little agnsty right now. college does that to one, especially a college as teeming with rich d-bags as mine is right now. |
As phony as it is, image carries a lot of weight there just as it did years ago back home. If you you have a highly polished richy image, then they'll be proud to have you around, but if you dress sloppy, it embarrasses them to no end in any situation. The ideal image they have in mind for you to present is the ultra rich people commonly seen in our media. I don't blame the Koreans for their materialism, our media and entertainment back home influences other cultures in ways we would have never imagined. Those few highly stylized exceptional examples have inadvertently sold the idea of Westernizing to great extent that it's an attractive for them to try to live as if always on a movie set or runway. There was a time before our time when our people seen it most important to be all fancy about it. With the pretentious feelings high materialism invokes, it's difficult to impossible to connect with others in a meaningful manner. It's nothing to see Rolex's and big shoulder celebrity jackets on a Seoul Subway as if it were 1920's New York. They'll dress down when development slows down like it has in the West and they see their country as a fully developed one. One interesting thing about travel abroad is you experience the different time periods all countries go through and understanding tremendous amounts about how home used to be. We had many streetcars and our city streets were full of well dressed pedestrians putting on their best image, but that all ended when we started watching TV and driving cars. They too will go casual when their current roaring boom era ends. |
Japanese have been dressing up since the 1980s.
It's moreso where.....in rural gangwon-do, both the younger set and older set dress crappier. Same comparison exist between new york and say.....the rural Midwest.
Rural farmers in the midwest dressed like crap in the 1920s....nothing has changed really. |
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joelove
Joined: 12 May 2011
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:11 am Post subject: |
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Someone once described them as a "closed shop" though I guess that could be true for many people in many countries, with cliques, language barriers perhaps, social or cultural rules and roles that outsiders don't have in common. Seems like the Chinese for example, tend to stick together too, as do foreigners in most or many cases. I've found we just don't have much in common. Funny, even in Canada, my brother told me he worked with a Korean guy before who I assume spoke English well. Brother asked him to go for a drink once and he said, "I only hang out with other Koreans." No great loss I guess with that mentality. An American friend and I used to get some strange looks in Seoul, more than usual I think. Took us a while to realize it was likely because he is nearly two decades older than me. You won't see that among Koreans. |
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Malislamusrex
Joined: 01 Feb 2010
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:26 am Post subject: |
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you are a foreigner and they are Korean.... get over it, you are not going to integrate. |
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rainism
Joined: 13 Apr 2011
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:40 am Post subject: |
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joelove wrote: |
Someone once described them as a "closed shop" though I guess that could be true for many people in many countries, with cliques, language barriers perhaps, social or cultural rules and roles that outsiders don't have in common. Seems like the Chinese for example, tend to stick together too, as do foreigners in most or many cases. I've found we just don't have much in common. Funny, even in Canada, my brother told me he worked with a Korean guy before who I assume spoke English well. Brother asked him to go for a drink once and he said, "I only hang out with other Koreans." No great loss I guess with that mentality. An American friend and I used to get some strange looks in Seoul, more than usual I think. Took us a while to realize it was likely because he is nearly two decades older than me. You won't see that among Koreans. |
this is I(one reason among many), precisely why I don't care a whit whether I "integrate" with Koreans or not.
I don't expect to find any true friends here, but that can also be the case back home. Acquaintance type buddies with similar interests? sure, but am not expecting and frankly aren't much interested in anything more.
and.. finding an acquaintance type buddy with similar interests is almost impossible for me to find in a Korean. |
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