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radcon
Joined: 23 May 2011
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 Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| atwood wrote: |
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| Julius wrote: |
| Died By Bear wrote: |
| I fought a kchick... and the Kchick won |
There's often rather a nasty underlying power dynamic to foreigner-Korean relationships here. Basically everything is skewed in the koreans favour.
The fact that every ajosshi in the country is willing you to break up doesn't help either. |
Ever hear the saying "I could count them on the fingers on one/both hands and have fingers left over?"
I'd have to remove my socks in order to include my toes in the count (my fingers just wouldn't be enough) if I were to count the "adjosshis" who have encouraged me to find and marry a nice Korean girl. These would include the two male principals of former public schools, 3 gym sometime training partners, and 2 male co-workers/teachers. Not to mention several Korean friends. |
And what they say to you is fully representative of what they believe?
I hope they all made it to your wedding and left you fat white envelopes. |
Why say anything at all if that's not what they believe?
The point is that not every so-called "adjosshi" cares about breaking your relationship up with the K-girl. Some do and some don't.
Yes I know this runs counter to the common view on Dave's which apparently seems to be that every single male Korean spends his free time plotting and planning how to come between a Western foreigner and a Korean female. |
So in your words "some do and some don't". Based on your vast knowledge of Korean culture, can you estimate a percentage of adjoshis who want to break up your relationship and a percentage who don't? And in your opinion what is an acceptable level (in terms of a %) of adjoshis who think its fine to butt in and attempt to break up relationships of complete strangers? Thanks in advance. |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Location: Retired
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 4:17 pm Post subject: |
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| radcon wrote: |
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| atwood wrote: |
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| Julius wrote: |
| Died By Bear wrote: |
| I fought a kchick... and the Kchick won |
There's often rather a nasty underlying power dynamic to foreigner-Korean relationships here. Basically everything is skewed in the koreans favour.
The fact that every ajosshi in the country is willing you to break up doesn't help either. |
Ever hear the saying "I could count them on the fingers on one/both hands and have fingers left over?"
I'd have to remove my socks in order to include my toes in the count (my fingers just wouldn't be enough) if I were to count the "adjosshis" who have encouraged me to find and marry a nice Korean girl. These would include the two male principals of former public schools, 3 gym sometime training partners, and 2 male co-workers/teachers. Not to mention several Korean friends. |
And what they say to you is fully representative of what they believe?
I hope they all made it to your wedding and left you fat white envelopes. |
Why say anything at all if that's not what they believe?
The point is that not every so-called "adjosshi" cares about breaking your relationship up with the K-girl. Some do and some don't.
Yes I know this runs counter to the common view on Dave's which apparently seems to be that every single male Korean spends his free time plotting and planning how to come between a Western foreigner and a Korean female. |
So in your words "some do and some don't". Based on your vast knowledge of Korean culture, can you estimate a percentage of adjoshis who want to break up your relationship and a percentage who don't? And in your opinion what is an acceptable level (in terms of a %) of adjoshis who think its fine to butt in and attempt to break up relationships of complete strangers? Thanks in advance. |
As regards your first question it is obviously ridiculous. "Korean culture" is not some monolith that every local follows to the same degree. Nor have I ever claimed to have personally met every adjoshi in this country. I have however claimed to meet "SOME". And out of those "some" most of them (where the topic of dating a Korean girl came up) were the ones who made the initial suggestion usually apropos of nothing.
As for the second question my opinion (since you asked for it) is that the acceptable level is ZERO. If two people want to get together (barring any exceptional circumstances) then nobody else should stick their nose in. Certainly not some stranger on the street that's for sure. |
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atwood
Joined: 26 Dec 2009
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| atwood wrote: |
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| Julius wrote: |
| Died By Bear wrote: |
| I fought a kchick... and the Kchick won |
There's often rather a nasty underlying power dynamic to foreigner-Korean relationships here. Basically everything is skewed in the koreans favour.
The fact that every ajosshi in the country is willing you to break up doesn't help either. |
Ever hear the saying "I could count them on the fingers on one/both hands and have fingers left over?"
I'd have to remove my socks in order to include my toes in the count (my fingers just wouldn't be enough) if I were to count the "adjosshis" who have encouraged me to find and marry a nice Korean girl. These would include the two male principals of former public schools, 3 gym sometime training partners, and 2 male co-workers/teachers. Not to mention several Korean friends. |
And what they say to you is fully representative of what they believe?
I hope they all made it to your wedding and left you fat white envelopes. |
Why say anything at all if that's not what they believe?
The point is that not every so-called "adjosshi" cares about breaking your relationship up with the K-girl. Some do and some don't.
Yes I know this runs counter to the common view on Dave's which apparently seems to be that every single male Korean spends his free time plotting and planning how to come between a Western foreigner and a Korean female. |
To be polite, to be be humorous, to point out how great they think Korean women are, to pass the time, to make you jealous, to have something to say. Lots of reasons.
No one is saying EVERY Korean male is trying to break up such relationships. No is saying EVERY Korean male doesn't like them. But the majority, that's a different story. |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Location: Retired
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 9:38 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="atwood"][quote="TheUrbanMyth"][quote="atwood"]
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| Julius wrote: |
| Died By Bear wrote: |
| I fought a kchick... and the Kchick won |
There's often rather a nasty underlying power dynamic to foreigner-Korean relationships here. Basically everything is skewed in the koreans favour.
The fact that every ajosshi in the country is willing you to break up doesn't help either. |
To be polite, to be be humorous, to point out how great they think Korean women are, to pass the time, to make you jealous, to have something to say. Lots of reasons.
No one is saying EVERY Korean male is trying to break up such relationships. . |
No one is saying that? Why would you say something like that and quote a post in which the poster DID say that?
Look at the quoted part above. I bolded the part where that is said.
As for the "being polite..." I would say that if someone is trying to set you up with their sister/cousin/friend...that's more than being polite or humorous or whatever. But if it makes you feel better to imagine that no Korean male would ever do something like that for a foreigner...feel free to do so. |
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atwood
Joined: 26 Dec 2009
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 1:20 am Post subject: |
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[quote="TheUrbanMyth"][quote="atwood"][quote="TheUrbanMyth"]
| atwood wrote: |
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| Julius wrote: |
| Died By Bear wrote: |
| I fought a kchick... and the Kchick won |
There's often rather a nasty underlying power dynamic to foreigner-Korean relationships here. Basically everything is skewed in the koreans favour.
The fact that every ajosshi in the country is willing you to break up doesn't help either. |
To be polite, to be be humorous, to point out how great they think Korean women are, to pass the time, to make you jealous, to have something to say. Lots of reasons.
No one is saying EVERY Korean male is trying to break up such relationships. . |
No one is saying that? Why would you say something like that and quote a post in which the poster DID say that?
Look at the quoted part above. I bolded the part where that is said.
As for the "being polite..." I would say that if someone is trying to set you up with their sister/cousin/friend...that's more than being polite or humorous or whatever. But if it makes you feel better to imagine that no Korean male would ever do something like that for a foreigner...feel free to do so. |
Ever hear of someone exaggerating to make a point?
Their sister, really? I'd agree that's being more than being polite. It's quite Inuit-like.
Of course, how old and attractive their sister was could be a factor. |
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crescent
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: yes.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:13 am Post subject: |
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TUM has been in Korea about 10 years, and has enough fingers to count no more than 10 introductions to his acquaintances' relatives... and now that also includes friends as well.
Of course they were no where near the age of thirty, or above that. |
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sirius black
Joined: 04 Jun 2010
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 11:51 am Post subject: |
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I feel for sadguy, there are crazy exes both male and female. I do agree that crazy exes can get you fired in any country in the west. However...I do believe its easier in Korea for us. The inference seems to be by some that Korea is no worse than the west given the same situtation and I would disagree.
As for her being korean, there are plenty of western girls who are psycho. There are tons of stalker ex bfs that girls can tell you about in the west as well.
The one thing I will fault the OP for is staying with a psycho chick. I've dated them, tons of guys have. We know crazy from the start. We get too tied up with the great sex to care. When it gets too crazy its too late. I rarely believe that someone doesn't know they are with a crazy gf or bf till way into the relationship. These types show their colors and give warning signs very early in the relationship. I've stayed in too long as well in the past and have dated crazies in this country and have been fortunate my job wasn't contacted.
Another thing that may seem too hard to do but I've done this in America is NEVER tell someone Im dating where I work. In America when I'm asked what I do, I am vague 'I work for a media company', which one? 'Its a small company no ones heard of' If pressed warning signals happen. I will make up a company name. I also NEVER give my work number. You can change your cel number but you can't change your work number. I tell them that my family and friends have called too much in the past and I'm on last warnings so I can't take calls on my work phone.
In Korea, when asked where I work, I work for a hogwon (even if I don't). The name? ABC hogwon. Its a small hogwon in whateverdong. I never invite them to my school or let them know anyone I work with, this is any girl. Foreign or domestic. I've seen some crazy stuff happen to guys back in America when gf's show up at their job. Its easier for the company to just let you go. There are tons of resumes out there of people with less drama. I know...I know why go through all that. Make sure its real and the person is trustwothy before you give out that kind of info. |
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2i2dk1ny2i3
Joined: 26 Jun 2011
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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| wow |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Location: Retired
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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| crescent wrote: |
TUM has been in Korea about 10 years, and has enough fingers to count no more than 10 introductions to his acquaintances' relatives... and now that also includes friends as well.
Of course they were no where near the age of thirty, or above that. |
First I said more than ten...and why wouldn't it include friends? It's not like some stranger is going to walk up to you and introduce their sister to get married.
Secondly I never said they were all "introductions.".
Thirdly some were and some weren't.
Any more wrong assumptions?
Back on topic...Mr.sadguy I hope things work out for you whatever you decide to do next. Whether it includes a return to Korea or not. |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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+1
How do the trustworthy girls react when you tell them you've been lying to them for the entire relationship so far, sirius? |
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fermentation
Joined: 22 Jun 2009
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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| sirius black wrote: |
Another thing that may seem too hard to do but I've done this in America is NEVER tell someone Im dating where I work. In America when I'm asked what I do, I am vague 'I work for a media company', which one? 'Its a small company no ones heard of' If pressed warning signals happen. I will make up a company name. I also NEVER give my work number. You can change your cel number but you can't change your work number. I tell them that my family and friends have called too much in the past and I'm on last warnings so I can't take calls on my work phone.
In Korea, when asked where I work, I work for a hogwon (even if I don't). The name? ABC hogwon. Its a small hogwon in whateverdong. I never invite them to my school or let them know anyone I work with, this is any girl. Foreign or domestic. I've seen some crazy stuff happen to guys back in America when gf's show up at their job. Its easier for the company to just let you go. There are tons of resumes out there of people with less drama. I know...I know why go through all that. Make sure its real and the person is trustwothy before you give out that kind of info. |
So you lie to them just in case they're crazy then you spill the beans that you've been lying the whole time after you deem them trustworthy?
You're establishing some solid foundations for a healthy relationship, I can see. |
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crescent
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: yes.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:21 pm Post subject: |
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| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| crescent wrote: |
| Never mind how many of those adjossis set him up with a relative. |
In that case I wouldn't need to use my toes then. |
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| First I said more than ten...and why wouldn't it include friends? It's not like some stranger is going to walk up to you and introduce their sister to get married. |
Ah silly me, I assumed you only have 10 fingers.
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| Secondly I never said they were all "introductions.". |
Again, my bad, I assumed 'set up' means 'to introduce'.
| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| Any more wrong assumptions? |
Depends on what you want to invent next. |
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sirius black
Joined: 04 Jun 2010
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| Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Draz wrote: |
+1
How do the trustworthy girls react when you tell them you've been lying to them for the entire relationship so far, sirius? |
The trustworthy ones understand. The trustworthy ones know the pscyho chicks make guys have to protect themselves initially. Especially after I've told them a few stories as to why I take such measures.
The trustworthy ones appreciate that you have now classified them as sane and worthy enough to be completely honest because they have proven themselves to desreve honesty.
And if they don't understand you ask? Then they aren't understanding enough for me to be involved in a deeply committed relationship. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 5:36 am Post subject: |
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| sirius black wrote: |
| Draz wrote: |
+1
How do the trustworthy girls react when you tell them you've been lying to them for the entire relationship so far, sirius? |
The trustworthy ones understand. The trustworthy ones know the pscyho chicks make guys have to protect themselves initially. Especially after I've told them a few stories as to why I take such measures.
The trustworthy ones appreciate that you have now classified them as sane and worthy enough to be completely honest because they have proven themselves to desreve honesty.
And if they don't understand you ask? Then they aren't understanding enough for me to be involved in a deeply committed relationship. |
Great so when these trustworthy girls turn around and tell you they too have fabricated an entire reality because they thought you were nuts and wanted to be sure, you just smile and say "its ok, I understand" right?
Whats the next step? Lying about other stuff in case she really is not worthy of your trust? Do you work with levels, I mean do these girls graduate along your levels of trust and get to know the real you vs the fabricated you as the relationship progresses?
Man thats a lot of lies to keep straight in your head!  |
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UlsanBoy
Joined: 19 Jun 2011
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