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JeffersonDarcy2010
Joined: 05 Aug 2010
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 Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 8:30 pm Post subject: |
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| jrwhite82 wrote: |
| You'll probably wind up breaking up with her once you get here and see all the beautiful women everywhere anyway. |
You're assuming he is attracted to Asians?  |
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sbp59
Joined: 01 Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in SK
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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| JeffersonDarcy2010 wrote: |
| jrwhite82 wrote: |
| You'll probably wind up breaking up with her once you get here and see all the beautiful women everywhere anyway. |
You're assuming he is attracted to Asians? |
It might not have anything to do with being attracted to Asians. I've seen more than a few foreign couples come over together and then break up while in Korea. It puts a lot of stress on a relationship moving to a different country, new language, tiny little apartment, no family around, etc. Often the couple will have to work together at the same hagwon, if not at a public school. This all can equal trouble, especially if the couple has never lived away from their home Country before. In some cases, the couple has not even lived together before, not a good idea.
Two years ago I was working at hagwon where a couple broke up with 4 months left on their contracts but still wanted to complete their contracts. The staffroom was brutal at school. Everyone knew they broke up and weren't on speaking terms but they still had to share certain classes together and do reports for some of the same kids. The staffroom had 6 teachers in total and 2 of the 6 hated each other, so unbelievably awkward to talk about anything in there, not too mention staff meetings and dinners. They also tried to keep the break up a secret from the boss, lol, it was brutal. |
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Patong Dong
Joined: 06 May 2003
Location: On Nut
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 3:52 am Post subject: |
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| In my experiences at three different places here not only was my girlfriend welcome, but they always wanted to meet her and she was invited along for any staff dinners, including the Christmas buffets. One Korean co-teacher even called me up once to take her out to a club for a ladies night. They usually remarked that I seemed happier when she was visiting. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:46 am Post subject: |
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jrwhite the guest option is something that can work short term.
Anyway, I was just saying I would not hide the fact that my gf was going to live with me in an appartment that was provided by my employer as an employment benefit.
OP can choose to do whatever he wants however. |
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forster.joe
Joined: 15 Aug 2011
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:47 am Post subject: |
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Just to clarify - she is going to be coming over for about 3 months to begin with. If she likes it however, and things are going smoothly, then she may leave the country (for however long it is before she is allowed another three month stay) and come back for the last part of my stay. We'll worry about that when the time is closer however.
I merely asked in case it was a huge cultural or legal no-no that I was ignorant of. Clearly it isn't so there doesn't seem to be a problem! |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 6:29 am Post subject: |
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| forster.joe wrote: |
Just to clarify - she is going to be coming over for about 3 months to begin with. If she likes it however, and things are going smoothly, then she may leave the country (for however long it is before she is allowed another three month stay) and come back for the last part of my stay. We'll worry about that when the time is closer however.
I merely asked in case it was a huge cultural or legal no-no that I was ignorant of. Clearly it isn't so there doesn't seem to be a problem! |
The only issue that might pop up is the fact your gf (ie not your wife since you two are not married) is living with you in the appartment, even if only visiting for a few months. Being unmarried and living together might not be received well. Still, I would tell my employer that a friend of mine was goign to be visiting me and living in the appartment for 3 months (3 months is still a significant chunk of time)
Good luck to you guys! |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Location: Retired
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
| forster.joe wrote: |
Just to clarify - she is going to be coming over for about 3 months to begin with. If she likes it however, and things are going smoothly, then she may leave the country (for however long it is before she is allowed another three month stay) and come back for the last part of my stay. We'll worry about that when the time is closer however.
I merely asked in case it was a huge cultural or legal no-no that I was ignorant of. Clearly it isn't so there doesn't seem to be a problem! |
The only issue that might pop up is the fact your gf (ie not your wife since you two are not married) is living with you in the appartment, even if only visiting for a few months. Being unmarried and living together might not be received well. Still, I would tell my employer that a friend of mine was goign to be visiting me and living in the appartment for 3 months (3 months is still a significant chunk of time)
Good luck to you guys! |
I second Patrick's advice. Here's why.
If you are working for a hakwon...many hakwon bosses keep a second key to the apartment. Some so if there is any problem like a leaky pipe while you are at work, they can get that fixed.
MANY however simply like to snoop. There are tons of stories on here of Koreans (employers, real estate agents) simply walking in. Imagine your g/f taking a shower and your boss walking in the house...yeah that's going to go over REAL well at work if you didn't tell him. Not to mention how your girlfriend would feel.
Of course she could always put the security chain on the door and not answer the door...but then he's going to know someone is in there. And is likely to call the cops because for all he knows no one else is living there...he's likely to think it's a cat burglar who put the chain on so not as to be disturbed while robbing the apartment.
Some P.S Principals like to do this too. |
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jrwhite82
Joined: 22 May 2010
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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If the owner is not some super conservative wonjongnim from hell, it shouldn't be a problem saying it is your girlfriend staying there for a few weeks. He's not paying anything extra, he is not responsible for her visa, he is not paying your utilities or internet that she will use. So there really is nothing to worry about.
Unless he is some crazy owner who wants to control every aspect of your life. (rare....but it happens)
You should be good. Don't lie about her being your wife if she is not. Tell him in passing in a conversation that your girlfriend is visiting from home for a few weeks. Problem solved.
I'm also not sure if MANY hagwon owners keep extra keys, and go snooping. I think its more like most keep keys (because they are the ones paying for the place. If I was subletting an apartment, you're damn well sure I'd keep my own key for emergencies and maintenance) and VERY FEW go snooping but a handful might stop by unannounced but knock first before entering to do something for the apartment. That's just my experience and opinion.
I had an owner who had a key. I asked him if I could get some curtains for my window because it is too bright in the mornings. After work that day I returned home and saw a really nice set of curtains hung that his wife made for me. I asked him for a table and chairs. I came home and saw a brand new table and chairs set up in my kitchen area. His wife was like a little ninja dropping off upgrades to my apartment. Not gonna complain about that. He never came by unannounced or to snoop. (to my knowledge anyway!) |
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sbp59
Joined: 01 Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in SK
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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| jrwhite82 wrote: |
If the owner is not some super conservative wonjongnim from hell, it shouldn't be a problem saying it is your girlfriend staying there for a few weeks. He's not paying anything extra, he is not responsible for her visa, he is not paying your utilities or internet that she will use. So there really is nothing to worry about.
Unless he is some crazy owner who wants to control every aspect of your life. (rare....but it happens)
You should be good. Don't lie about her being your wife if she is not. Tell him in passing in a conversation that your girlfriend is visiting from home for a few weeks. Problem solved.
I'm also not sure if MANY hagwon owners keep extra keys, and go snooping. I think its more like most keep keys (because they are the ones paying for the place. If I was subletting an apartment, you're damn well sure I'd keep my own key for emergencies and maintenance) and VERY FEW go snooping but a handful might stop by unannounced but knock first before entering to do something for the apartment. That's just my experience and opinion.
I had an owner who had a key. I asked him if I could get some curtains for my window because it is too bright in the mornings. After work that day I returned home and saw a really nice set of curtains hung that his wife made for me. I asked him for a table and chairs. I came home and saw a brand new table and chairs set up in my kitchen area. His wife was like a little ninja dropping off upgrades to my apartment. Not gonna complain about that. He never came by unannounced or to snoop. (to my knowledge anyway!) |
I'm sure they had video cameras running at all times watching your every move, lol. I would feel very uncomfortable knowing someone was in my apartment when I was at work, no matter who it was. |
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jrwhite82
Joined: 22 May 2010
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 6:47 pm Post subject: |
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| sbp59 wrote: |
| jrwhite82 wrote: |
If the owner is not some super conservative wonjongnim from hell, it shouldn't be a problem saying it is your girlfriend staying there for a few weeks. He's not paying anything extra, he is not responsible for her visa, he is not paying your utilities or internet that she will use. So there really is nothing to worry about.
Unless he is some crazy owner who wants to control every aspect of your life. (rare....but it happens)
You should be good. Don't lie about her being your wife if she is not. Tell him in passing in a conversation that your girlfriend is visiting from home for a few weeks. Problem solved.
I'm also not sure if MANY hagwon owners keep extra keys, and go snooping. I think its more like most keep keys (because they are the ones paying for the place. If I was subletting an apartment, you're damn well sure I'd keep my own key for emergencies and maintenance) and VERY FEW go snooping but a handful might stop by unannounced but knock first before entering to do something for the apartment. That's just my experience and opinion.
I had an owner who had a key. I asked him if I could get some curtains for my window because it is too bright in the mornings. After work that day I returned home and saw a really nice set of curtains hung that his wife made for me. I asked him for a table and chairs. I came home and saw a brand new table and chairs set up in my kitchen area. His wife was like a little ninja dropping off upgrades to my apartment. Not gonna complain about that. He never came by unannounced or to snoop. (to my knowledge anyway!) |
I'm sure they had video cameras running at all times watching your every move, lol. I would feel very uncomfortable knowing someone was in my apartment when I was at work, no matter who it was. |
What kind of weird kinky/incriminating evidence do you have laying around your apartment?! 
If they did cameras hiddne around my house, I'm sure no one wants to watch them! No one wants to see that! |
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b-class rambler
Joined: 25 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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I would definitely also second the caution about referring to her as your spouse or wife. I understand why it was initially suggested, but, as nathanrutledge put it earlier, it would be creating a real minefield for you to tiptoe through.
Of course there would be the immigration status issue, with people wondering how come she's on a tourist visa not a dependent visa and you perhaps having to convincingly fend off offers to help you sort that out. But the most difficult part of the minefield would be that Koreans tend to be pretty curious about you. You'll likely be asked very soon after arriving if you're married or not and you'll get follow up questions about whether or not you have any kids, and even why not if you don't have kids. There are some white lies that are easy to keep playing along with, but I don't think that would be one of them.
Of course, one good reason for saying she's your spouse was to get around the cultural barrier of unmarrieds living together being less acceptable here. Perhaps another way you could at least partially still achieve that without having to get through the "spouse minefield" would be to say she's your fiancee.
Ultimately though, I'd say just play it by ear after you arrive and see how the land lies in your living and working situations. It might turn out that you can have her over here as you're planning without having to say much to anyone. |
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sbp59
Joined: 01 Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in SK
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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| jrwhite82 wrote: |
| sbp59 wrote: |
| jrwhite82 wrote: |
If the owner is not some super conservative wonjongnim from hell, it shouldn't be a problem saying it is your girlfriend staying there for a few weeks. He's not paying anything extra, he is not responsible for her visa, he is not paying your utilities or internet that she will use. So there really is nothing to worry about.
Unless he is some crazy owner who wants to control every aspect of your life. (rare....but it happens)
You should be good. Don't lie about her being your wife if she is not. Tell him in passing in a conversation that your girlfriend is visiting from home for a few weeks. Problem solved.
I'm also not sure if MANY hagwon owners keep extra keys, and go snooping. I think its more like most keep keys (because they are the ones paying for the place. If I was subletting an apartment, you're damn well sure I'd keep my own key for emergencies and maintenance) and VERY FEW go snooping but a handful might stop by unannounced but knock first before entering to do something for the apartment. That's just my experience and opinion.
I had an owner who had a key. I asked him if I could get some curtains for my window because it is too bright in the mornings. After work that day I returned home and saw a really nice set of curtains hung that his wife made for me. I asked him for a table and chairs. I came home and saw a brand new table and chairs set up in my kitchen area. His wife was like a little ninja dropping off upgrades to my apartment. Not gonna complain about that. He never came by unannounced or to snoop. (to my knowledge anyway!) |
I'm sure they had video cameras running at all times watching your every move, lol. I would feel very uncomfortable knowing someone was in my apartment when I was at work, no matter who it was. |
What kind of weird kinky/incriminating evidence do you have laying around your apartment?!
If they did cameras hiddne around my house, I'm sure no one wants to watch them! No one wants to see that! |
Hahaha kinky enough that I don't want anyone from work in there when I'm not around. |
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Luciddreamer
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
| nathanrutledge wrote: |
| jrwhite82 wrote: |
I think the best course of action would be to come over by yourself for a couple of weeks to get settled in and learn the area and your way around. Then she can fly over whenever she wants to join you.
Not that they have any right, but your school might be concerned if you show up at the airport with another person they are not aware of. Or it might be a deal breaker because they don't want to feel responsible for a 2nd person (even though they wouldn't be). Third, they might bring you to immigration together so you can apply for her spousal visa. That would be awkward.
If you take some time to get yourself settled in it would make things easier so there is no lying to your bosses, you'll be more comfortable, and your girlfriend will have a helpful guide for her when she gets here.
When do you plan on coming? If possible, have her come over during your summer vacation. That way you'll have some time off from work to hang out and travel around the country/Asia. |
This.
Don't tell the school. You're living in an apartment on your own. Sure, they pay for it, but they aren't your parents - what you do there is your business.
If you tell them she's a spouse, they might want to help get the proper visa for her, or they might just say they don't want you. Either situation you don't want.
I definitely wouldn't come over at the same time. Come here first, get settled, figure out the lay of the land, THEN have her come over.
Bottom line - the school doesn't need to know, so don't tell them. |
That can be very dangerous advice depending on how the school manages the appartments they provide for the teachers. There could be occupancy issues on the lease (ie the lease between school and landlord says 1 occupant not 2), there could be insurance issues related to occupancy and finally the school IS providing the appartment IT IS not OURS. It is an employment benefit. If you want proof the appartment is not ours, look what happens when employment is terminated: we need to move out.
The OP could circumvent all this and ask for a no-housing contract, take the provide housing allowance, find his own place and then would not have to tell enyone save perhaps the landlord, that his girlfriend lives there.
Anyway, it is up to you OP and not telling the school certainly is an option. I just think doing that sets you up for a potentially bad situation if the school finds out by accident.....but up to you.
I rent appartments in Canada and the rental agreement clearly states how many occupants are allowed to live there. Thats for people who pay for their appartment and have a one year lease, not for sponsored workers who get work provided accomodations!
My first housing agreement in Korea had an occupancy clause and the names of the people who would live in the appartment for the duration of the agreement. That of course could be amended and things may have changed since then. |
sounds like you have a tough time spelling "apartment" and "accommodation"
Are you an English teacher?  |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:46 am Post subject: |
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double post
Last edited by PatrickGHBusan on Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:53 am; edited 1 time in total |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:50 am Post subject: |
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OP,
After reading what others have said, I can see my advice of refering to your gf as your spouse would not be smart. I say just be upfront with your employer that your gf will be visiting you and staying with you for 3 months. If that turns into something longer, you can then discuss it with your employer.
Good luck to you two!!!  |
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