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hubbahubba
Joined: 31 May 2008
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 Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:53 am Post subject: |
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http://www.esl.gatech.edu/ or something similar, they're all over the US.
As long as she can pass the student visa requirements (see the embassy's website) she will get a nice 5 year visa, which I believe she can also transfer to other schools. No worky-work allowed though. I also think you should reread this thread a number of times. All sorts of good advice floating around in it. Good luck! |
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Zyzyfer
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:02 am Post subject: |
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| Modernist wrote: |
It's interesting you call her your 'girlfriend' throughout and the only time marriage comes up is when you are talking about immigration issues.
Not to sound like an advice columnist but: Do you want to marry this person or not? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live? Yes or no? If the answer is anything but an absolute yes, than for God's sake don't do some quickie marriage over here just to start the gears moving for American immigration.
Like the others have said, the stress and problems you will face coming back to America will be immense. This notion that you seem to have that a) you will just slide right into a good, family-supporting job within 10 minutes of getting off the plane is a delusional bubble just waiting to be popped. What kind of degree do you have? Do you have any applied experience doing anything besides teaching here? Do you even have a field in mind to start looking when you get back?
And b) that your GF will be just fine as an expat. Very likely this is false. My God, she is a college student who still lives with her parents. IN KOREA. A list of all the things she has no clue about would run to pages and pages. Has she ever even traveled out of the country before? Does she know how to drive? Has she ever had to pay bills before? Can she prepare her own food? Go grocery shopping? How about basic housekeeping? Not because she is a girl but because when you live alone SOMEONE has to deal with this stuff. I clean my bathroom, I take out my garbage, I manage [most nights] to feed myself. Can she do this, NOT in a dorm, NOT with her parents but BY HERSELF?
And does she understand she will have NO support system, except for you? Do YOU understand that? After spending her whole life in a group-centric culture she will suddenly be in the world's most individualistic culture, with no friends, no family, likely not even other Koreans. She will be so lonely she will cry. Many, many days. You'd better recognize this now, and be prepared for it.
And what in the world is she going to do for work? I'm assuming she's never held a job before. At most a PT gig in some store in Korea. So you think she's going to be all set to handle American workplace expectations? And that's IF she has any training in a desirable field, something technical. If her degree will be in Korean history or psychology or [God forbid] English lit, give me a break. Also, 'excellent English' by Korean standards is NOT necessarily sufficient. Has she ever been in all English-speaking environment where people speak at normal speeds--i.e., fast? Can she handle accents?
Finally, as orosee said--the movie in her head. This will be a huge issue. She has NO IDEA WHATSOEVER what America is really like. She has bits and pieces of various fantasies. Most of 'em are probably set on the Upper West Side of New York or Santa Monica too. If you'd be taking her to suburban San Antonio or Knoxville you'd better be damn sure she understands what it will REALLY be like. |
I'm not a fan of your Korea bash posts but back this 110%. Either she gets a student visa and all of these great points can be ignored, or Gorf pops the question and follows the other great advice, which centers around setting up camp here for the foreseeable future to put together a significant relocation package. |
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Gorf
Joined: 25 Jun 2011
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:22 am Post subject: |
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Sorry for not getting back earlier on this, crazy busy the past two days. Let me add some more details to what I first posted as well.
When I said excellent English, I mean that she and I have fluent conversation and I don't have to slow down at all for her, and I consider myself to have fairly fast and weighty English conversation skills. Essentially, I feel she won't struggle at all with English language immersion. At worst, she sometimes gets proper nouns mixed up, and only has a vague understanding of who Elvis Presley is.  She scored almost perfect on her TOEFL test this year.
She's had lots of jobs in the past. She knows how to go grocery shopping and clean a house, she basically raised herself and her brother (see the first post about her parents). I have a number of Korean back in my hometown friends I hope to introduce her to so she can have a slice of home.
I will handle the money. Our sex life is one of the things that is best in our relationship, no worries there at all. We both don't want kids and she takes the pill. We will both handle our own expenses for food/phone and share others, like water/electricity/internet, but I will pay her bills online for her if she gets confused.
I've talked to her about many of the pitfalls of American life. I've warned her about the lack of group-mind stuff that Korea loves so much. I've warned her about how so many Koreans in America are Christians (we're both atheist) and sometimes Korean expats in America start going to church-ee just to make friends, something that I'm not okay with, and she understands as well. I've also made her aware of possible racism and other weird stuff she hasn't encountered much before. She has lived in Canada before when she was younger, so she's not entirely alien to what western culture and life is like.
I will have a job once I get back making good money, and it has excellent job security, benefits and one of my friends is the one giving me the job, so I'm pretty sure the rug won't be pulled out from under my feet. I also have experience here besides teaching, doing consulting for several companies in things that are business related, so my time here hasn't been a complete resume burn.
What's looking like the best option now is the student visa, as I expected. The process seems fairly easy, relative to marriage. She just needs to grab some scholarships, make sure she has health insurance, and apply for the right programs. The 5-year visa is nice, and she can work, albeit only on campus, but no matter. Either way, it's a good way to make sure that we can handle living together in the long run and nothing too permanent as to be jumping the gun. If things still work after she's done with school, I feel secure that we can marry and she can get a real, honest-to-god job, and by then I'll have saved up enough money to make it all work.
My city is smaller (250,000 pop.) but the University is big and it's a very liberal part of the USA. It's also a fairly inexpensive place to live, not California. I doubt I'll be buying a car, as the city is fairly bike-friendly and the bus system is top-notch, something I've grown used to since I've been here. I was always a cyclist, and I hope to never drive unless I need to. She has a driver's license here in Korea.
It also should be noted that at earliest I would be heading home in December, so there's still time, and I can stay in Korea for another year and still get the job I mentioned earlier. Hopefully this doesn't come off as defensive and blinded by love or something, just more details about her and the situation. The marriage thing should be left as a sort-of last ditch effort just in case we are sure we can go through with it, and nothing else works to get her over (except for our relationship, that is).
Sorry for the wall of text.  |
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lithium
Joined: 18 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:05 am Post subject: |
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| Gorf wrote: |
Sorry for not getting back earlier on this, crazy busy the past two days. Let me add some more details to what I first posted as well.
When I said excellent English, I mean that she and I have fluent conversation and I don't have to slow down at all for her, and I consider myself to have fairly fast and weighty English conversation skills. Essentially, I feel she won't struggle at all with English language immersion. At worst, she sometimes gets proper nouns mixed up, and only has a vague understanding of who Elvis Presley is. She scored almost perfect on her TOEFL test this year.
She's had lots of jobs in the past. She knows how to go grocery shopping and clean a house, she basically raised herself and her brother (see the first post about her parents). I have a number of Korean back in my hometown friends I hope to introduce her to so she can have a slice of home.
I will handle the money. Our sex life is one of the things that is best in our relationship, no worries there at all. We both don't want kids and she takes the pill. We will both handle our own expenses for food/phone and share others, like water/electricity/internet, but I will pay her bills online for her if she gets confused.
I've talked to her about many of the pitfalls of American life. I've warned her about the lack of group-mind stuff that Korea loves so much. I've warned her about how so many Koreans in America are Christians (we're both atheist) and sometimes Korean expats in America start going to church-ee just to make friends, something that I'm not okay with, and she understands as well. I've also made her aware of possible racism and other weird stuff she hasn't encountered much before. She has lived in Canada before when she was younger, so she's not entirely alien to what western culture and life is like.
I will have a job once I get back making good money, and it has excellent job security, benefits and one of my friends is the one giving me the job, so I'm pretty sure the rug won't be pulled out from under my feet. I also have experience here besides teaching, doing consulting for several companies in things that are business related, so my time here hasn't been a complete resume burn.
What's looking like the best option now is the student visa, as I expected. The process seems fairly easy, relative to marriage. She just needs to grab some scholarships, make sure she has health insurance, and apply for the right programs. The 5-year visa is nice, and she can work, albeit only on campus, but no matter. Either way, it's a good way to make sure that we can handle living together in the long run and nothing too permanent as to be jumping the gun. If things still work after she's done with school, I feel secure that we can marry and she can get a real, honest-to-god job, and by then I'll have saved up enough money to make it all work.
My city is smaller (250,000 pop.) but the University is big and it's a very liberal part of the USA. It's also a fairly inexpensive place to live, not California. I doubt I'll be buying a car, as the city is fairly bike-friendly and the bus system is top-notch, something I've grown used to since I've been here. I was always a cyclist, and I hope to never drive unless I need to. She has a driver's license here in Korea.
It also should be noted that at earliest I would be heading home in December, so there's still time, and I can stay in Korea for another year and still get the job I mentioned earlier. Hopefully this doesn't come off as defensive and blinded by love or something, just more details about her and the situation. The marriage thing should be left as a sort-of last ditch effort just in case we are sure we can go through with it, and nothing else works to get her over (except for our relationship, that is).
Sorry for the wall of text. |
This is where you lost me. If she is invited to church and she accepts, is that a deal breaker? In college you're taught to critically think. Don't limit yourself by refusing to give faith a chance. |
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hubbahubba
Joined: 31 May 2008
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:39 am Post subject: |
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| just an fyi, if she gets accepted (and can pay with fin aid/you/scholarship/whatever) tuition typically covers health care. Well at "good" schools anyway. Check into it and do the math.. |
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hubbahubba
Joined: 31 May 2008
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:57 am Post subject: |
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| oh--one more thing. I've done the visa application process, it's not that difficult as i've done it--well, unless you're a moron, which from reading your posts i'm going to guess you're not--doesn't sound like the gf is either. it's aslam dunk--go for it |
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jfromtheway
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:05 am Post subject: |
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| lithium wrote: |
| Gorf wrote: |
Sorry for not getting back earlier on this, crazy busy the past two days. Let me add some more details to what I first posted as well.
When I said excellent English, I mean that she and I have fluent conversation and I don't have to slow down at all for her, and I consider myself to have fairly fast and weighty English conversation skills. Essentially, I feel she won't struggle at all with English language immersion. At worst, she sometimes gets proper nouns mixed up, and only has a vague understanding of who Elvis Presley is. She scored almost perfect on her TOEFL test this year.
She's had lots of jobs in the past. She knows how to go grocery shopping and clean a house, she basically raised herself and her brother (see the first post about her parents). I have a number of Korean back in my hometown friends I hope to introduce her to so she can have a slice of home.
I will handle the money. Our sex life is one of the things that is best in our relationship, no worries there at all. We both don't want kids and she takes the pill. We will both handle our own expenses for food/phone and share others, like water/electricity/internet, but I will pay her bills online for her if she gets confused.
I've talked to her about many of the pitfalls of American life. I've warned her about the lack of group-mind stuff that Korea loves so much. I've warned her about how so many Koreans in America are Christians (we're both atheist) and sometimes Korean expats in America start going to church-ee just to make friends, something that I'm not okay with, and she understands as well. I've also made her aware of possible racism and other weird stuff she hasn't encountered much before. She has lived in Canada before when she was younger, so she's not entirely alien to what western culture and life is like.
I will have a job once I get back making good money, and it has excellent job security, benefits and one of my friends is the one giving me the job, so I'm pretty sure the rug won't be pulled out from under my feet. I also have experience here besides teaching, doing consulting for several companies in things that are business related, so my time here hasn't been a complete resume burn.
What's looking like the best option now is the student visa, as I expected. The process seems fairly easy, relative to marriage. She just needs to grab some scholarships, make sure she has health insurance, and apply for the right programs. The 5-year visa is nice, and she can work, albeit only on campus, but no matter. Either way, it's a good way to make sure that we can handle living together in the long run and nothing too permanent as to be jumping the gun. If things still work after she's done with school, I feel secure that we can marry and she can get a real, honest-to-god job, and by then I'll have saved up enough money to make it all work.
My city is smaller (250,000 pop.) but the University is big and it's a very liberal part of the USA. It's also a fairly inexpensive place to live, not California. I doubt I'll be buying a car, as the city is fairly bike-friendly and the bus system is top-notch, something I've grown used to since I've been here. I was always a cyclist, and I hope to never drive unless I need to. She has a driver's license here in Korea.
It also should be noted that at earliest I would be heading home in December, so there's still time, and I can stay in Korea for another year and still get the job I mentioned earlier. Hopefully this doesn't come off as defensive and blinded by love or something, just more details about her and the situation. The marriage thing should be left as a sort-of last ditch effort just in case we are sure we can go through with it, and nothing else works to get her over (except for our relationship, that is).
Sorry for the wall of text. |
This is where you lost me. If she is invited to church and she accepts, is that a deal breaker? In college you're taught to critically think. Don't limit yourself by refusing to give faith a chance. |
I didn't read much of Gorf's post(s), or much of anything in this thread, but I'd like to know if this was a religiously motivated response. To "critically think," in comparison with thinking critically? Are they the same thing? I', asking. But I take issue with the faith thing. A girl I used to know had a quote on the wall in her room saying "faith is believing when common sense tells you not to." She was religious, I was/am not. I said, "yeah, exactly." She replied, "yeah, exactly," and we both sat there for a few seconds, wondering how our beliefs might differ so much, while contemplating upon the same quote. I think faith is an issue for the birds, personally. "Refusing to give faith a chance," will often leave one with a lesser sense of their own personal responsibility. Regardless, Gorf has to prove some commitment and marry this girl or things will likely end up in the negative. |
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hubbahubba
Joined: 31 May 2008
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:16 am Post subject: |
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[quote="jfromtheway". Regardless, Gorf has to prove some commitment and marry this girl or things will likely end up in the negative.[/quot
lol..or just maybe, his gf could make her own decision about what to do.. |
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hubbahubba
Joined: 31 May 2008
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:19 am Post subject: |
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| getting off topic..sorry..peace |
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jfromtheway
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:07 am Post subject: |
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| hubbahubba wrote: |
[quote="jfromtheway". Regardless, Gorf has to prove some commitment and marry this girl or things will likely end up in the negative.[/quot
lol..or just maybe, his gf could make her own decision about what to do.. |
Absolutely. You're right. She should, if she feels indifferent. |
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Troglodyte
Joined: 06 Dec 2009
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:20 am Post subject: |
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| tardisrider wrote: |
The fastest option would be to take her in your luggage.
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It depends on how much regular luggage you were originally planning on taking with you. You may might find when you get to the airport that you're over your limit. The charges for extra weight can be quite steep.
You might want to check out the possibility shipping her by surface mail. Just don't forget to cut a few holes in the box before dropping it off at the the post office. And be prepared to do your own cooking for up to 6 weeks. |
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Modernist
Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Location: The 90s
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:05 pm Post subject: |
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A confident response, Gorf. Still, I think it's odd that you don't say that you are 100% committed to this girl and are ready to marry her. You DO say she can drive and buy groceries, but not that which kind of seems to me to be the most important part of all this, yes? Kind of sounds to me like maintaining your sex life is a higher priority than 'I love her and I want to be with her no matter what.'
I'm also curious about the student visa thing. How does she plan to pay the tuition at this university you mention? Scholarships? Really? I was under the impression that only citizens and PRs can get scholarships--not foreigners on student visas. I thought the whole point for these places was cultivating rich foreigners who are willing to pay the full freight which subsidizes scholarships for poorer US citizens.
Just as an example, see the University of Minnesota:
http://admissions.tc.umn.edu/admissioninfo/intl_costs.html
Just 1 year for 1 student is over $35,000. At a mid-level, public school. And she must PROVE she has sufficient funds to cover expenses for the ENTIRE first year, to get the F-1 student visa. The only scholarship I see is one that MIGHT get her $5,000 off the sticker, and I would imagine they are FIERCELY competitive. So do you or her have 30 grand set aside, ready to go? And then she would need ANOTHER 30 grand by the next year, and that won't be gotten through an on-campus job, I can assure you. How many years would she have to do to finish? Or are you thinking of a graduate program [MORE expensive]? Will she be able to transfer credits? I think you are dramatically underestimating the difficulty of the student thing. |
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OBwannabe
Joined: 16 Feb 2008
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| orosee wrote: |
| Find out about the movie in her mind first. |
If this means what I think it means, spot on! |
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tardisrider
Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Troglodyte wrote: |
| tardisrider wrote: |
The fastest option would be to take her in your luggage.
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It depends on how much regular luggage you were originally planning on taking with you. You may might find when you get to the airport that you're over your limit. The charges for extra weight can be quite steep.
You might want to check out the possibility shipping her by surface mail. Just don't forget to cut a few holes in the box before dropping it off at the the post office. And be prepared to do your own cooking for up to 6 weeks. |
I said fastest, not cheapest. |
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DIsbell
Joined: 15 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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Sounds like you've got things set up pretty well, Gorf. Best of luck to you and your lady. One more piece of advice regarding the following:
| Modernist wrote: |
I'm also curious about the student visa thing. How does she plan to pay the tuition at this university you mention? Scholarships? Really? I was under the impression that only citizens and PRs can get scholarships--not foreigners on student visas. I thought the whole point for these places was cultivating rich foreigners who are willing to pay the full freight which subsidizes scholarships for poorer US citizens.
Just as an example, see the University of Minnesota:
http://admissions.tc.umn.edu/admissioninfo/intl_costs.html
Just 1 year for 1 student is over $35,000. At a mid-level, public school. And she must PROVE she has sufficient funds to cover expenses for the ENTIRE first year, to get the F-1 student visa. The only scholarship I see is one that MIGHT get her $5,000 off the sticker, and I would imagine they are FIERCELY competitive. So do you or her have 30 grand set aside, ready to go? And then she would need ANOTHER 30 grand by the next year, and that won't be gotten through an on-campus job, I can assure you. How many years would she have to do to finish? Or are you thinking of a graduate program [MORE expensive]? Will she be able to transfer credits? I think you are dramatically underestimating the difficulty of the student thing. |
International graduate students frequently get TA positions. It's a common enough that it's a frequent gripe among suburban American college students that they can't understand their Indian physics instructor. A TA position basically has your tuition all but covered and a small stipend on top of that.
Furthermore, and this depends on the state, but a spouse of a non-resident (state non-resident) can sometimes be granted residency for tuition purposes if certain conditions are met (typically resident spouse's domicile). This applies to foreigners on resident visas as well as Americans who have residency in another state. So one option might be you establishing residency in your desired state and then having your future wife start school (if you need some time to establish residency she could linger in Korea a bit and come over for some R&R before starting school). In-state tuition costs aren't too bad these days and part-time work plus your employment should make the costs pretty bearable. |
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