Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Poker]

I need some thoughts on what to do. My Korean girlfriend likes to eat fried chicken, lots of meat, cakes, coffee, soda etc etc All bad foods that you can think of. She was recently hospitilized for having kidney stones. She is 26 years old. I was really sad seeing her at the hospital bed surrounded by 60 to 80 year old sick people. I feel she is too young to be affected by lifestyle diseases. Something is really wrong with her body's biochemistry. I was just as unhealthy as her until I lost a family member a couple of years ago.

While in hospital, I told her that she has to become more healthy and smart about her choices, she listened for about a week, eating all kinds of fresh foods. Then yesterday, she had fried chicken again when she went out with her friends.

Now I know it is her life and she is responsible for what she does, but I may marry this girl in the future. What do I do to let her know the gravity of her situation?

When I heard that she went back to her poor diet a week after being released from hosiptial, I was angry and wanted to say this, "It is your life and I will not force you to do something that you don't want to do. But if one day you are in hospital again, I will not be feeling sorry for you. I am not stupid enough to bind my life to someone that doesn't take her health seriously." Instead, I kept my mouth shut.

Now if I say that, there is going to be plenty of fallout right? My mother died of colon cancer in her 40s. Incredibly young to have a lifestyle cancer. I know the feeling of losing a loved one to a preventable illness. I am not willing to go through something like that again. Old age sickness is fine, but not in someone's mid 30-50s.

Also, a mother has huge influence on the kids health. I cannot police everything my future kids eat when I am not there, my future wife has to take the responsibilty too.

I am unsure on how to approach this with her. I want to warn her that she will lose me if she can't understand this issue, but I don't want to destroy this otherwise great relationship. What should I say without sounding offensive and cold?

People often say life should be lived with no limits and no regrets. Just go and do whatever one wants. But a lot of problems can be prevented by being a bit more responsible. Starting a family these days needs both parents working together with similar life goals and viewpoints. Clearly in the world we live in, some things need to be avoided. If I can help it, I don't want to be raising my children on my own one day.

Thanks for any advice, I just need some perspective from other sources. I can't talk about this with my co-workers or friends, as gossip is a dangerous thing in Korea.

[Seoulman69]

Sounds like a tough situation. If you leave her it may be the event that makes her see the light and change her eating habits. If you lecture her too much it may be detrimental to the relationship. If you don't tell her she may never change.
It all depends on you. If she never changes are the other aspects of the relationship strong enough to keep you together? If she really cared about you would she eat things that you disagree with?

Good luck.

[ajosshi]

accept

-or-

except


you can only change yourself.

good luck.

[rabidcake]

Wow! Ok that scares me a bit, I need to start eating healthier food as well. I have been eating way too much noodles which are extremely salty. A lot of exercise is no substitute for healthy eating is it?? (Ok I know it isn't, but how much of a substitute can it be?...)

My cousin who is quite overweight got kidney stones. To be honest I thought having excessive weight would be the direct cause of the kidney stones and not the unhealthy eating food per say.

Anyhow OP, wouldn't you be a bit concerned that she may increase her weight dramatically once you are married to her? She may be thin now but with that lifestyle eventually her metabolism will break down and she will probably be packing on the pounds like a true future citizen of the western world.

I think the OP's dilemma is a good reminder for all of us to eat a bit of healthy food now and then, and also drink plenty of water!!

[jdog2050]

Uhh, sounds like you just need to give her an ultimatum dude. I mean, it's not a thing about attractiveness, right? I flat out harming her health at this point. If a person doesn't care that you're concerned about them to that extent they don't deserve you in their life.

Let her know that you'll do everything you can to help her on that journey, even joining her on it by dieting with her. But let her know you need to know she'll make changes FOR HER OWN GOOD, or you can't deal with the stress and concern.

[Zyzyfer]

[Zackback]

Whatever she does just lover her and stay with her anyway.

[crescent]

Any chance she is prone to depression?

[fermentation]

Yikes. Kidney stones. I hope she at least drinks plenty of water. Heard that can prevent it a bit. I'm no relationship expert but I would avoid emotional outbreaks. You may feel more strongly about this because of your family history but try to keep emotion out of it. Instead why not sit her down and talk to her?

Also, I would suggest suggesting things to her like, "Hey let's work out together" or make it a thing where you both try to drink more water (assuming she doesn't) and eat more fresh veggies. Try to substitute certain foods with healthier alternatives. Like baked chicken instead of fried. Tea or juice instead of soda (I have a soda addiction myself and lots of water helps). Lean cuts of meat instead of samgyupsal or bacon.

Getting emotional might only invoke emotional responses. Try to lead her into doing what you want her to do instead of coercing her. Even if ultimatums and nagging works, it might build into resentment later. That kind of stuff will only end up blowing up in a later argument.

[Swampfox10mm]

Run away. Run fast. Run far.

She will never change. She will drag you down with her, leaving you wondering why you wasted XX number of years out of our life on her.

Trust me. Get out now.

[Poker]

[Paddycakes]

[Poker]

[fermentation]

[Steelrails]

Emotional Support? Dieting Together?
Rubbish!

The best way to get someone to stop eating unhealthy is to be a living example of what its like to be someone who is unhealthy. Either you or a friend (obese, and if possible one man and one woman) should start eating just the unhealthiest crap food possible in the most porcine manner possible. We're talking Double Quarter Pounder with Cheeses dunked in butter and all of that grease spill over you as you eat it out of a trough. Preferably in front of her friends that make her feel insecure. Those friends will be embarrassed at you or your friend and comment on that to her. Then get some friend who is in great shape and has a good personality to eat healthy food while said friends compliment them. At this moment your fat friend should be sure to have some sort of G-I 'incident' or a shortness of breath attack (cough up a whole pork chop).

How did I become a vegetarian? Not because of all the health literature, but by working in a place that served highly caloric meat drenched in cheese to people who had their own orbiting satellites. Made me meat and greasy food just seem gross. Once you stick to it for more than a month the fact that vegetables taste so good and the fact that you will feel better and that your poop literally will not stink and you can crap faster and cleaner than most people pee will sink in.

If possible try and shrink down her stomach to the point where 1 piece of pizza or half a sandwich is filling (it really should be that way).

Basically think about it- Republicans don't become fuel-efficiency conscious because of what Al Gore says. They do it because W starts a war and causes gas prices to spike.