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motiontodismiss
Joined: 18 Dec 2011
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 Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:51 am Post subject: |
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| TL wrote: |
| I guess marrying a local with divorced parents who are financially unstable is a no no? |
Marrying a local or ANYONE with ANY parents (divorced or not) who are financially stable is a no no. |
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shostahoosier
Joined: 14 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:17 am Post subject: |
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This thread is quite humorous. 
I wonder what the checklist would be for a Korean marrying a foreigner. |
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Skippy
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: Daejeon
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:22 am Post subject: |
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Just off the top of my head I can think of 3 people married to Koreans where rule number 2 and 4 a little would have helped.
First guy - had lent money to wife's brother and father a few times. I think in the end he was out a couple thousand dollars. He knows he is not getting it back, all he gets is more requests from family for money. It has soured the relationship with the family a little. He is a little lucky that his wife sided with him
Second guy - Was saving up for key money for a nice apartment. He was making okay money and saving hard. But with troubles with father and brother and some thing to do with Korean taxes of the two - he basically had to lend about 10,000 dollars. There goes nice apartment - here comes smaller apartment. He had to lend it because it was the wifes family! He was a bit accepting of it. Still he has a high expectation of not seeing the money back.
Third Guy - Bit confused about he said something like 500 million won stolen or lent to brother-in-law. He never got it back. The figure seem to high to me - I down graded to 50 million won. But I do believe a good chunk of this guys money was gone.
I bet I could dig and find more stories of strife with marriage.
People back home always talk about being careful with lending money to family. With a Korean wife/spouse it will be worse - more pressure - use of Confucian cultural customs to arm twist. Plus throw in many of the wives expect to handle the finances.
As to the other original 5 rules. Well I can see what the OP is trying to say. I disagree with them a bit. Still overall what is he says to look for competence. People who are going to be earners or workers and not leeches. Money may not seem romantic but it can be one of the major straws in the future. |
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motiontodismiss
Joined: 18 Dec 2011
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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If you do lend money to family, be even stricter about it than the bank will ever be, or you might as well just give them your checking account number and password. Write up a contract stating the terms and conditions of the loan, the interest rates, how it'll be paid back, and place a lien on something worth the balance of the loan. And make sure to get it notarized.
That way, not only will they never ask you again, but if they default you have some way of recovering the principal if or when you sue. |
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chungbukdo
Joined: 22 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:03 pm Post subject: Re: Checklist for Marrying a Local |
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| FDNY wrote: |
2/ Parents who have achieved at least average net worth. |
Despite the pessimists, I think this is important. If your sweetheart accepts much of Korean culture, then she's going to want to support these people in their old age if they have no money. That's the way it goes here. Otherwise, you have to date someone who rejects this aspect of Korean culture, someone who says, "I'm not a bank. If you require a loan, go to the bank." I can see myself lending money to a good sibling that I love for medical care. I would *not* lend money to a sibling who didn't treat me well, even for medical care, especially if that medical cost was self-imposed. I wouldn't say "Oh the guy who has been racist against foreigners, refuses to talk to me because I am not his race, and forbid his sister from marrying me should get my money for his alcoholism induced disease treatment."
However, I'd like to pose the question, what exactly is the average net worth in Korea? Does anyone have statistics on this information? And does the OP mean average net worth at all ages, or in the parents specific age group? Also, does the OP have any idea on the average net worth here or is he just demanding something he has no idea about?
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| 4/ ALL siblings are gainfully employed. |
This is also important in Asia compared to the West. The looter siblings will be knocking at your door if they're deadbeats. She will think its her duty to provide them alcohol and consumable items if she has more wealth than them. |
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chungbukdo
Joined: 22 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Modernist wrote: |
| You sound like you'd be fine ending up rich and alone. What's the point of all your saved money, then? Traveling alone, living alone, buying expensive whatevers for yourself? |
That must mean that most people who are not married and have kids, such as the majority of people under age 30, are extremely lonely and are doing everything alone. Since I am under 30, I will testify that I actually went traveling with my girlfriend through Thailand for the past few months and we met lots of friends together, and we also live together now. So it appears to me that I do not have to travel or live alone even though I am not married and do not have kids, which is what the post specified in which you replied. He said that getting married and having kids was expensive. You treated this like he was advocating no human contact for the rest of his life. |
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chungbukdo
Joined: 22 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Otherside wrote: |
| 1. Same educational level. Far more Koreans have bachelors degrees than people from back home, and I'd say the same goes for post-grad qualifications too. |
I've been to grad school at a top 10 university here, and it was like grade 12 back home.
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| 2. Have your parents achieved a decent net worth? Most of the ESL teachers I know come from decidedly middle-class backgrounds. From what I read about the debt crisis in the first world, it wouldn't be crazy to assume more than a few of their families have their heads under water. |
That's not the point. Do Western parents move in with you and is it your moral obligation to give them spending money?
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| 4. What are your siblings doing? Again, Korea's unemployment rate is lower than the West's. |
That's not the point. If I had siblings in the West, I wouldn't be required to support them. In Korea if you have a sibling who wants to buy consumable items and hasn't got a job, it is your moral duty to support him. |
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chungbukdo
Joined: 22 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:36 pm Post subject: Re: Checklist for Marrying a Local |
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| Paddycakes wrote: |
99 percent of Korean women who have those things would never marry an ESL teacher. |
What age are you? It seems unlikely that you are dating women around the age of 25. His list describes a large percentage of young women in Seoul who have graduated one of the big 5-10 universities recently.
I've never dated a Korean with student debt, and I doubt I've met any (although random people do not broadcast to me whether they have student debt or not). What Koreans generally have are "familial obligations."
I find it extremely hard to meet a young woman who doesn't have a bachelors degree or more at this day and age in Seoul. If you are dating women who speak English, I would find that even more unlikely. Masters degrees are quite prevalent in Seoul for the under 30 people who speak English.
What those degrees mean in practice is different. I wouldn't put formal education on my own personal list of qualifications in a woman because much of formal education is useless. I'd prefer to meet an autodidact.
Whether her siblings are gainfully employed would depend on whether they have finished university yet. Usually, from middle class families with people my age, there are two children. Her sibling is most likely employed unless they are currently at university or studying a second or third language abroad. People don't usually have more siblings unless they are from outside the city or much older.
I disagree with the first posters idea that jobs in banking, chaebols, or government are good (they are slavery), but I also disagree with your idea that you would have to find a "chaebol president's daughter" to meet someone who works in one of these fields. Basically everyone I know works in a government branch or chaebol, if they come from Seoul. They have no lives, too.
So I have to question whether you live in Seoul or not, or if you're dating halmonis. It sounds to me that the original poster was describing the average, middle class Seoulite. |
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madoka
Joined: 27 Mar 2008
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:19 am Post subject: |
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| shostahoosier wrote: |
| I wonder what the checklist would be for a Korean marrying a foreigner. |
I imagine it goes something like:
1. Not insane.
Their strict standards seem to rule out a large number of Dave's posters. |
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slothrop
Joined: 03 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 11:10 am Post subject: |
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edit
Last edited by slothrop on Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:34 pm; edited 4 times in total |
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Privateer
Joined: 31 Aug 2005
Location: Easy Street.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 11:33 am Post subject: |
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Checklist:
#1. Is she hot? |
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edwardcatflap
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
Checklist:
#1. Is she hot?
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Maybe you didn't read the title but we're talking about marriage here. What are you going to do, trade her in for a younger model as soon as she gets that first perm? |
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motiontodismiss
Joined: 18 Dec 2011
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:30 pm Post subject: Re: Checklist for Marrying a Local |
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| chungbukdo wrote: |
| Quote: |
| 4/ ALL siblings are gainfully employed. |
This is also important in Asia compared to the West. The looter siblings will be knocking at your door if they're deadbeats. She will think its her duty to provide them alcohol and consumable items if she has more wealth than them. |
They will even if they aren't deadbeats i.e. they make less money than you. |
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