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"Yes, I can use chopsticks:the everyday microaggression
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slothrop



Joined: 03 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 1:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Last edited by slothrop on Tue May 08, 2012 5:59 am; edited 1 time in total
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myenglishisno



Joined: 08 Mar 2011
Location: Geumchon

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What I don't understand in the case of Korea and Japan is that it's always the same questions, the same insinuations and the same misunderstandings. It rarely varies. Why does everyone ask if we can eat spicy food? Why don't they ask questions relevant to their lives/our lives/the situation at hand?

It just seems odd to me, like everyone agreed to ask these specific sets of questions to foreigners...
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 2:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slothrop wrote:
so konglishman... did you get the priceless hatori hanseo sword, or what?


No, I left early as I wanted to actually enjoy the rest of my vacation instead of listening to an obnoxious girl (one of the two Korean girls). It seems that I made a good call on that as my friend despite getting drunk with them, got nothing in the end.
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slothrop



Joined: 03 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 2:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 2:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Sultan of Seoul wrote:
Good for you patrickghb that these things never bothered you, but the evidence here and in the original article, prove just the opposite; for most expats, these little things wear one down from day to day. I'm in China at the moment and there is a lot less of it and I more relaxed. Still get a few of the old 'ooh a foriegner is around, say some random English words as he passes by' and it does bother me. It takes me out of my sense of privacy and makes me a centre of attention, a minor public spectacle and is unwelcome by me mostly. There is nothing wrong with just wanting to be left alone and blend in and go about your day to day life without being a spectacle or special event, especialy after a tiring day at work or in the midst of a private conversation.



As I said, I realize it bothers some people. In fact, like all of you I know some people that were really irritated by these questions. It all depends on how each of us reacts and views these things I suppose.
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 2:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slothrop wrote:
Konglishman wrote:
Mix1 wrote:
Konglishman wrote:

Now, back to the conversation at hand, going along with this concept of micro-agression, I find that there are certain conversations that I have to keep off-limits when chatting with the majority of Koreans.

Uh...ya think?

(Almost anything related to Korea...just nod head and keep quiet. Never interrupt the sales pitch...)


Of course, I bring this up because I find it to be the most frustrating part about having conversations with Koreans whom I do not know well. There are certain questions or topics which inevitably come up that cannot be answered honestly.

For example, I was on vacation in Thailand recently, and a little to my annoyance, a friend who was traveling with me invited over two Korean girls to hang out with us on the last day of vacation. During dinner, one of the Korean girls said that Koreans think that foreigners are dirty. While my friend was giving a heavily sugar-coated response, I found myself doing my best to stay silent and not say what I really think.


so you have a friend who manages to convince some ladies to spend their time with you in tropical paradise. this annoys you... and when one of these fine ladies says that she thinks foreigners are dirty, you inwardly sulk with anger... the correct response would have been after consuming several mai thais to suggest you take a shower together to "get cleaned up" and in doing so allowing her to see she was right, but not about foreigner's bodies... but their MINDS. hahaha


No, I went on vacation specifically to get out of Korea and forget about certain things that have been pissing me off. So, from that perspective, would you not agree that hanging out with other Koreans while on vacation is counterproductive?
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Seoulman69



Joined: 14 Dec 2009

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 3:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today on the train:

"Welcome to Korea!"
"Thanks."
"Do you know Jesus?"
"Yes."
"Have a good time everyday in Korea."
"Thanks."

Strange? Yes. Irritating? Mildly. Aggressive? No.

Last week in a restaurant when I was mixing my 알밥 the ajumma tried to take my spoon and do it for me. A quick "하지마세요" and she backed off.

I don't think they are deliberately being nasty, I just think there are a lot of strange idiots in the world.
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Son Deureo!



Joined: 30 Apr 2003

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PatrickGHBusan wrote:
Heck life will throw far worse things at a person I think.


Other people have already said that these are not the worse things that could or ever will happen to us. The "micro-" prefix seems to already imply that. Absolutely no one is arguing otherwise.

PatrickGHBusan wrote:
I really never got frustrated or irritated by the chopstick comment nor by kids saying hello. Other things did bug me however.


For example? How did you handle it?
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 3:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
For example? How did you handle it?


Driving style.

Handled it depending on the situation but mostly I adapted to the local ways. In fact that to me is the key: adapt to where you live and try to understand WHY things happen in a certain way instead of surface reacting.

Certain in the home customs at my in-laws

Again, learnt to put it in perspective and adapted or discussed it.

I find that in life when you understand WHY something happens, a lot of the frustration ebbs away. Again, that is just my approach and it aint universal.

Most of what is described here is not aggressive nor meant to be insulting or demeaning, hence my comment on not getting worked up over it.

Anyway, some people will always get worked up over such things. This to me is highly dependant on each person and how they react to their environment and to the things that happen. Some people truly are hyper-sensitive while others are not as sensitive. Different people, different outlook and my way is just what worked and works for me.
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SojuQueen



Joined: 29 Dec 2010
Location: Land of the cold winters

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also wondered at this for a long time. I don't think that the questions themselves are irritating, but how predictable they become if you have been here for a long time.

I truly believe that the questions are just how high, generally speaking, people's English level is. Most people, any country you go to, will be able to belt out a couple of questions in English to make conversation and then it will stop before the 'ah, how do you say this in English?', 'let me check my dictionary' begins.

And the, regardless of whatever country you are in, people will gear their questions towards whatever questions it's normal to ask. In Kore and Japan, as in any other hierarchical society, people will ask questions in order to find out what class you are in etc. This is very common.

Yet, it can gear towards 'microaggression', depending on the context. One time I met a Korean man that asked me how old I was and then he asked me to guess his age. I was off by about a year of his age, judging by his expression, it wasn't the number he was hoping it would be, but y he was happy that I guessed that he was younger because according to him 'foreigners always look their age or they look older, while it is very hard to guess a Korean person's real age because they look so young for their age.'

I agree with this man's opinion, however, back in U.S. and most Western culture, a man would usually not make that statement, especially to a woman as it could be misinterpreted. I wasn't offended by his comment. But then again, I still remember it.

Another comment that I did take offense to was said to me by my director when we were discussing her daughter's university choices. I told her that I chose to go to a good in-school public university instead of going to a private out-of-state school for undergrad because I did not want to pay off lost of school loans. Even though my school was not Harvard or Yale, it is one of the best public schools in the country. Ever sine then my director has pointed out that I went to a 'B' university and that my experience was different because I went to a 'B' school. After she said this to me a couple of times, I asked her what 'A' type school she went to, she ignored my question and has never made a mention of it before. Yes, it was a below-the-belt comment, but she got my point and has never mentioned it again.
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Son Deureo!



Joined: 30 Apr 2003

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for your thoughtful and constructive response. I'll definitely agree that understanding the reasons for others' behavior makes it much easier to handle or tolerate.

I think that a lot of the discussion here on the idea of "micro-aggressions" is an attempt to do just that. I'm not convinced that "aggression" is the right way to describe it either, but I can definitely understand how one might feel that it is.
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slothrop



Joined: 03 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 10:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

edit

Last edited by slothrop on Tue May 08, 2012 7:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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joelove



Joined: 12 May 2011

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 3:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What is wrong with you?
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Slothrop,

If If I do not like a given girl or her attitude, I am certainly not going to be inclined to take a shower with her or anything else for that matter... as if that were even an option.

Now, with regards to extra dimensions, I think you misunderstood my metaphorical use of the term (although I have no problem with extra spatial dimensions and have in fact done research on that subject before taking a break from graduate school). In terms of consciousness, things such as color, sound, touch, smell, and taste can be considered dimensions in a more abstract sense. This is because these senses can be considered varying parameters which define the world as we know it.

For example, it is easy to imagine that there are colors which one's individual consciousness cannot produce. If suddenly, one had access to some of these individual colors, this would be an example of increasing the depth of one's access to the color dimension. What I am suggesting is that our perception of logic may in fact be limited by the incomplete tool set available to human consciousness. There might be additional aspects to logic that we cannot perceive and therefore cannot think about.
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