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rkc76sf
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
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 Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 5:31 am Post subject: |
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| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
| northway wrote: |
| Dodge7 wrote: |
| Jonephant wrote: |
| The first time i met my wife's parents was the first time i visited Korea on a tourist visa in 2004. I couldn't speak hardly any Korean, i could hardly use chopsticks and i was living in a goshiwan. Her parents are divorced so i met her mother and step father (with whom she has a surprisingly good relationship). We went to a big restaurant and had galbi. I thought it was going alright when suddenly my then girlfriend began crying. Apparently her step dad was ragging on me quite seriously. It was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life. We met them a few more times at family events. Fast forward a few years and we all had to attend a family wedding. I hate being left alone at these kinda things whilst my wife mingles, i saw her step dad (also standing alone) and started trying to talk to him. He seemed very pleased to see me. I guess as a non blood relation hes kinda on the outside too. Something changed in our relationship that day and its been pretty good ever since. Her mum has always been cool to me. |
Right then and there, that would have been it with me. I would have refused to see him again after that. Maybe after a couple years or so I'd see him again and try to reconcile, but if he apologized I would see him earlier. I would have said that he HAD to apologize or the relationship would never continue. That stuff wouldn't fly with me. I'm surprised you took it. He basically emasculated you and you just sat there and wanted to be his friend after that? I would have avoided all family gathering if he was present in protest until he said sorry. |
For an awful lot of Koreans, meeting the foreign boyfriend is the first real interaction they've ever had with foreigners. I think it makes sense to offer a second chance, even for the most righteous assholes. I definitely get where you're coming from, but I think demanding that an adjossi lose face is a battle that you will lose every time. |
Agreed and demanding that an adjoshi who is your gf's father lose face is not gonna happen nor is it a desirable outcome for your gf or for any hope of a positive relationship with her family. |
Making me and the GF lose face is not a desirable outcome either. I'd have told him that kind of behavior is not acceptable and I don't appreciate it.
There's not much hope of a positive relationship if someone is ragging on me regardless. There's a time and place to pick your battles and that is one. I'm a peace-loving guy but you make my GF/S.O./wife cry and I don't care if you are LMB or Obama...you and I are going to have words at a bare minimum. |
I think it speaks volumes about your wife that she took all he could dish and still chose to stick with you. Sometimes there's not much that can be said between you and the Korean relative in that situation when you don't understand the conversation and are still on the outside looking in. Just my opinion. |
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northway
Joined: 05 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 10:06 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah, for most guys, confronting the father's hostility means putting the girl in the middle. Again, I don't see what this will accomplish. |
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ThingsComeAround
Joined: 07 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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I met my wife's mother by chance when my wife was dropping something off at her house. At that time we were dating, and I don't think she told her mom she was dating a foreigner at that time. So here I was in my wife's car, and her mom comes outside and sees me inside. She looks, sighs, and moves on. This was in early Spring '09
When the meeting was official, it was shortly before my wife and I were taking a trip to the US. She was nervous about me, she only knew what life with foreigners was like from MBC, but she kept an open mind. After some translating from my wife, and her mom saw my appetite, we hit it off over a couple shots of soju.
A few weeks later her mom invited me to her home for dinner, and she has a great cooking ability. Unfortunately it was cold outside and they had their ondol on full blast. Sitting on the floor made me super tired, and actually got me sick (I have no idea why but I was sick for the next 2-3 days). I joked to my wife that her mom was trying to poison me. Wife didn't like it.
Met the mom's family on her birthday. Never saw harder @$$ adjosshis stare me down like one guy did. I guess my wife was his favorite niece, or he heard some really bad things about foreigners! Things were cool when they saw how well I devour a plate of spicy ojingoh and the soju found its way to me. Although this guy is suffering from liver problems, and I was slightly hung over from the night before, it didn't stop 5 shots from entering this un-Han soul. Later I got pics of this guy on a tandem bike with his brother-in-law and giggled uncontrollably.
It wasn't until after the second year that I met dad. My wife's parents are separated, so we had to make special arrangements to meet the father, and he was quite interesting. Didn't have much to say, not much facial expressions, reminded me of how Steven Segal is devoid of all emotion- that kind of guy. The meeting went well until we walked him to the train station and this enormous handicapped dude who had his nose dripping came up to me and started asking for money. The dad shooed him away and departed for his track.
Went to have my first real Seol-nal with the father's side of the family and that was a fantastic experience. They didn't push me to sleep in the communal room- my wife and I had our own space to sleep together (thank goodness- probably won't be that lucky next time) and the food was superb. Drinks kept flowing and even though I couldn't speak Korean well enough to talk about anything substantial, we had fun and I saw how close the ancestors were buried to the farm.
Leaving for America had my wife's mom really emotional. She started crying, then my wife, and I had to calm her down that everything would be okay in America. We have been here for awhile, and expecting. Hoping to return to Korea after the little one is born. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 4:01 am Post subject: |
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| With kids the distance becomes more of an issue. We make the effort to visit Korea every year or so (we save for it) and her folks come to visit every second year or so. This is great for my wife and the kids. |
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12ax7
Joined: 07 Nov 2009
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| Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 4:50 am Post subject: |
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| JustinC wrote: |
| Leon wrote: |
| Zackback wrote: |
My experience was a total freakin disaster.
I think the mom thought I was ok but the dad couldn't stand me right from the get-go. As others have pointed out to me it was because I was quite a bit older than their daughter (more than 20 years) and I was slightly older than the mom.
I never want to go through what I went through that day. |
I don't really think that's Korean culture though, it's hard to imagine any country where the average parent would be happy with that situation. |
It depends on how poor the girl's family are. |
Nonsense. My in-laws are wealthy and they are great. |
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