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oppa637
Joined: 05 Dec 2011
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 Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:08 pm Post subject: Homesick! How do you guys deal with this |
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| I came here in February. I even visited home in August. I don't know if its the weather now or what, but I want to go home. For you guys who lasted more than a year, I really wonder how you manage. |
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FDNY
Joined: 27 Sep 2010
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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Get yourself some waaay skinny and HAWT K-Girl to keep you company. Works every time.  |
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Otherside
Joined: 06 Sep 2007
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:21 pm Post subject: Re: Homesick! How do you guys deal with this |
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| oppa637 wrote: |
| I came here in February. I even visited home in August. I don't know if its the weather now or what, but I want to go home. For you guys who lasted more than a year, I really wonder how you manage. |
First year is the hardest, it gets easier. I find the cold weather really tough. Build on your interests, keep in touch with friends and family back home... I could go on and on... but FDNY already gave the best advice - works for me  |
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mnjetter
Joined: 21 Feb 2012
Location: Seoul, S. Korea
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| Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:31 pm Post subject: |
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Find people to hang out with who aren't always complaining about Korean culture. Find things that are good to do here, and not just the typical foreigner things like hanging out in bars in Hongdae. Realize that culture shock is natural and expected, and comes in waves. You will want to go home periodically, and if you give it enough time, you will also have so much fun that you will wonder why you ever wanted to go home.
It is important to remember and cherish the good things that happen to you, and do your best to keep perspective on the bad things. If a Korean yells at you for being a foreigner, it doesn't mean they're all racist. If someone drives from Busan to Seoul with you because you didn't know which bus to take, it doesn't mean they're all saints either. The extremes are your enemy---remember that this is a country with advantages and disadvantages, not unlike your own.
And also remember, if your primary reason for being homesick is because you miss your family and not because of Korea in particular, I can guarantee that you would experience the same amount of homesickness if you moved to a different part of your own country. I felt more homesick moving from Minnesota to New York than I have coming to Korea.
And above all, you're not alone, and it isn't a bad thing to feel homesick! |
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oppa637
Joined: 05 Dec 2011
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:30 am Post subject: |
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Thanks guys.
Its weird. One of the first things I missed and I still miss most is my dog.
I came here for an experience, to save some money, and learn about the culture but I just feel like I threw everything that mattered to me away. Family and friends.
I just don't feel like I can get the same connection here. It's easy to make drinking buddies. Why is it so hard for me to make "real" friends~
Anyone want to hang out this weekend? |
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laynamarya
Joined: 01 Jan 2010
Location: Gwangjin-gu
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:42 am Post subject: |
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Skyping with my family at least once a week got me through the first year. Also, making comfort food.
Have you been to a dog cafe? It's not your dog, but I bet that will help.
I agree with the others, try to find cool things to do that don't exist in your home country.
It is super hard to form solid friendships, because folks tend to leave the hemisphere every few months, and it's just so heartbreaking to watch all your awesome friends leave AGAIN. At this point, the majority of my friends are either Korean or married to Koreans. If you want to stick around more than a year, your group of friends will probably also start leaning in that direction. |
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dairyairy
Joined: 17 May 2012
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:43 am Post subject: |
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| mnjetter wrote: |
Find people to hang out with who aren't always complaining about Korean culture. Find things that are good to do here, and not just the typical foreigner things like hanging out in bars in Hongdae. Realize that culture shock is natural and expected, and comes in waves. You will want to go home periodically, and if you give it enough time, you will also have so much fun that you will wonder why you ever wanted to go home.
It is important to remember and cherish the good things that happen to you, and do your best to keep perspective on the bad things. If a Korean yells at you for being a foreigner, it doesn't mean they're all racist. If someone drives from Busan to Seoul with you because you didn't know which bus to take, it doesn't mean they're all saints either. The extremes are your enemy---remember that this is a country with advantages and disadvantages, not unlike your own.
And also remember, if your primary reason for being homesick is because you miss your family and not because of Korea in particular, I can guarantee that you would experience the same amount of homesickness if you moved to a different part of your own country. I felt more homesick moving from Minnesota to New York than I have coming to Korea.
And above all, you're not alone, and it isn't a bad thing to feel homesick! |
It's true, avoid other foreigners who complain about everything, especially around the holidays. Boy are they downers.
My advice? Get out of your apartment this weekend. See a movie. Eat at a decent restaurant. See a show, maybe NANTA or Miso. Go to a museum or palace. Walk through Myeong Dong or Insadong. Just do something positive. I know that the more I do "touristy" things the better I feel about being here. |
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T-J
Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Location: Seoul EunpyungGu Yeonsinnae
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 1:24 am Post subject: |
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Keep your chin up OP, we've all been there. If your're looking to get out and do something this weekend, I'm hiking Bukhansan. You're welcome to come along. We're meeting at Yeonshinnae St on the three / six line. If you're interested throw me a pm and we'll hammer out the specifics. Getting out of the city and getting a little exercise does wonders....
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nautilus
Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:49 am Post subject: |
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| oppa637 wrote: |
| I just feel like I threw everything that mattered to me away. Family and friends. |
Its because you're a mere economic refugee.
People used to come to Korea for real reasons-to escape serious life problems. ie debts, no family to speak of, no friends left nearby, and so on. This is what lifers consist of. |
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young_clinton
Joined: 09 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 6:40 am Post subject: |
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| I'll help you to see a little bit more clearly concerning the issue. I am back in the USA after 4 years abroad and I want to leave and go back overseas already after being here a month. Unless you have a good job prospect there is no need to come back unless you have to. I am only back home because I had to come back home. |
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toby99
Joined: 28 Aug 2009
Location: Dong-Incheon-by-the-sea, South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 8:41 am Post subject: |
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| Go to Geckos, get trashed, find a decent looking chick to hook up with. Rinse and repeat. Korea sparkling! |
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ThingsComeAround
Joined: 07 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Take some time and give yourself a pat on the back for staying so long- treat yourself to a movie, really nice dinner (of whatever food style you enjoy) or like T-J said, hike a mountain. I kept my head screwed on by calling home EVERYWEEK to talk to family and it really does help. A year is only once around the sun.
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Cartman
Joined: 30 Jun 2009
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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| oppa637 wrote: |
| I just don't feel like I can get the same connection here. It's easy to make drinking buddies. Why is it so hard for me to make "real" friends~ |
This is the tricky thing I found - I had no trouble finding hang out buddies to drink with, etc, then eventually became closer friends, only to discover: "what? your contract is finished next month? And you're going back home, possibly forever?!"
That was disheartening, so when I was meeting new people I started asking them how long they anticipated staying - I just couldn't handle having 3 or 4 more friends leave after such a short time of getting to know them, feeling comfortable, then they're gone. Of course, when it came time for me to leave, I realized I was invoking the same feeling on some others that I was still close with.
In the meantime, I did fill plenty of time dating k-girls, which helped - and the ones interested in dating foreigners generally have little expectation of anything longer term, since they 'know' the deal (of frequent arrivals and departures)
Now, back home in Canada, I'm married to a delightful gal that I hitched with in Seoul... and she is going through the same thing! Taking an English course at the college, she had about 8 people to hang with in her circle, and 7 of them have long left the country... but she has since discovered a chat forum, just like Dave's that's for Koreans in Canada who are married to a "foreigner" (I like how I'm called a foreigner in my own country, by other Koreans who are here on a 6 month visa)
While in Korea, sometimes I felt like the only thing that built a real guaranteed following was an increase in the amount of acquaintances on my Facebook
In Korea, ideally you would want to meet people who are there long term, not just fair-weather friends - but the foreigners who are married and really settled, are less likely to be the ones out at the bars. They've long past that novelty.
There's some good and simple advice given in this thread - the winters can be the toughest because it's just so much easier to not go outside, but you've gotta push. I've heard meetup.com has tons of groups Seoul of various interests... |
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Otherside
Joined: 06 Sep 2007
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Cartman wrote: |
In Korea, ideally you would want to meet people who are there long term, not just fair-weather friends - but the foreigners who are married and really settled, are less likely to be the ones out at the bars. They've long past that novelty.
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Overall great post Cartman. But, when you suggest to the OP (and anyone else on their first contract struggling with homesickness), to hang out with people who are long-term, you're missing one key point. Most long-termers don't particularly want to hang out with someone who has been here for 6 months, and very likely will be gone in another 6. |
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oppa637
Joined: 05 Dec 2011
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| Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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I think you guys have provided great advice but I think my situation is just slightly different.
I was born and raised in the states but I am American Korean. The problem is, well, I look Korean but don't think like one. I'm not a teacher so I'm not surrounded by foreigners to hang out with.
Not having to go into the army, everyone I work with is not only older but generally married with kids.
It's weird to be in a place where I feel like even if I cry out for help, I dont' even know who to cry out to.
But thanks guys, it has been uplifting just to hear your experiences. I have a new found respect for you guys and especially for immigrants. How you guys last more than a year, it baffles me. Hopefully this is just a phase and it passes. Thanks guys. |
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