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Ladies, how should we approach you?
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Paddycakes

Joined: 05 May 2003
Location: Seoul

Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 11:39 pm Post subject: Re: My response

Quote:

seeing a human that is significantly different (exotic if you will) can generate the same type of sexual attraction.

then why aren't white women in general attracted to Asian guys?

again, these sweeping generalizations that try to explain away behavior in strictly biological or Darwinian terms are just way too broad to have any real meaning.

People are way more complex than peacocks or cows in a herd.

Quote:

confidence
assertiveness
effectuality in activities (not just making money)
knowing what one wants
use of social ques to demonstrate status (use of space, body language, physical contact, voice tone, etc)
and most importantly, a lack of neediness

In spite of the occasional tough guy bluster on Daves, your typical English teacher in Korea possesses few of these qualities... as mentioned Alpha Males don't work as Teachers... they're back home climbing the corporate ladder, and yet there are a lot of ESL teachers here that are are in relationships with other foreigners.

How can it be?

Captain Corea

Joined: 28 Feb 2005
Location: Seoul

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:05 am Post subject:

Zackback wrote:

Where's the discrepancy?
Some places it is legal. Now I know just because it is legal may not make it morally ok but one must remember in biblical times they could get married at a young age with parental permission. God never condemned this.

I certainly hope you are not teaching in Korea.

comm

Joined: 22 Jun 2010

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:48 am Post subject: Re: My response

Paddycakes wrote:

Supply and demand. I'm not saying that guys without those qualities will repel all women, but that those qualities increase attractiveness. And you bring up an excellent point, how many native Korean men are able to demonstrate the attributes I listed when interacting with foreign women? And aren't there many guys you know with those qualities who aren't focusing on pure monetary gain?

I feel like you hear "alpha male" and think "Mad Men". But any man in any situation can express those qualities, and in any context.

creeper1

Joined: 30 Jan 2007

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 8:26 am Post subject: yawn

A lot of it involves being fake. You gotta smile and look like you are loving life. You gotta get other women as friends. This is the concept of "preselection". If you look like you got a lot of female friends then other women will be interested. Us guys are like that too. We are dating a girl and we find faults in her. Hell she has zits. Hell she always wears the same clothes. As soon as another guy shows interest we realize how attractive that girl is. Women can't help who they are attracted to. But as Comm, who is obviously an expert on the subjects notes, they absolutely are not attracted to males without confidence. If you have no confidence you won't be getting any beep. Unfortunately many nice guys aren't that confident. A lot of the youtube pick up artist give them flack by telling them to stop being pussies. Alpha males have confidence so they get laid.

kabrams

Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Location: your Dad's house

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:00 am Post subject:

creeper1 you have the most appropriate username. Also interesting to note that a post asking women how they'd like to be approached has predictably turned into a clusterfk of men asking other men what women like.

bucheon bum

Joined: 16 Jan 2003

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:24 am Post subject: Re: Ladies, how should we approach you?

Zulethe wrote:

OK, so I'm not in Korea and I haven't had a date in a long, long time.

It's mostly been by choice because I've been concentrating on school but I decided that now that I'm so close to graduating, I want to get back into the dating scene again.

So my question to the ladies is, what's the best way to approach you?

Do you like to be complimented? Do I need to wait for you to smile at me first? Should I make small chit chat? Or should I just walk up to you and just ask you out for coffee?

I know this sounds lame but I've never been one to approach women out of the blue and I'm going to have to in the area that I'm in because it's slim pickings.

Guys feel free to chime in as well but I'm really interested in hearing how the ladies feel about this.

I'm assuming you're staying in the States. It really isn't that difficult. Just:

1. Do activities you're interested in. Co-ed sports, trivia night at the local bar, volunteer work, etc.
2. Dating websites such as okcupid, match.com.

Assuming you have some tact and social skills, those two alone should be sufficient where you have more than enough dates to keep you busy assuming you live in an area with a decent number of single people.

Quote:

If you look like you got a lot of female friends then other women will be interested.

As a dude who has an unusually high number of female friends, I can say this is very wrong. Women generally think it's odd when a dude has a lot of female friends.

northway

Joined: 05 Jul 2010

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:32 pm Post subject: Re: Ladies, how should we approach you?

bucheon bum wrote:

As a dude who has an unusually high number of female friends, I can say this is very wrong. Women generally think it's odd when a dude has a lot of female friends.

Context is everything here, I think. If you're routinely having movie night with your girlfriends, that's kind of odd. If you've got a crew of hotties to roll to the club with, that can definitely work to your advantage.

bucheon bum

Joined: 16 Jan 2003

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:49 pm Post subject: Re: Ladies, how should we approach you?

northway wrote:

bucheon bum wrote:

As a dude who has an unusually high number of female friends, I can say this is very wrong. Women generally think it's odd when a dude has a lot of female friends.

Fair enough, good point.

Zulethe

Joined: 04 Jul 2008

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:15 pm Post subject: Re: Ladies, how should we approach you?

bucheon bum wrote:

Zulethe wrote:

I'm assuming you're staying in the States. It really isn't that difficult. Just:

1. Do activities you're interested in. Co-ed sports, trivia night at the local bar, volunteer work, etc.
2. Dating websites such as okcupid, match.com.
Assuming you have some tact and social skills, those two alone should be sufficient where you have more than enough dates to keep you busy assuming you live in an area with a decent number of single people.

Quote:

If you look like you got a lot of female friends then other women will be interested.

As a dude who has an unusually high number of female friends, I can say this is very wrong. Women generally think it's odd when a dude has a lot of female friends.

These are great suggestions but.....the slim pickings I alluded to is my issue. I'm currently in a small town and there just isn't a lot to do.

One thing you'll also find is that is smaller towns a lot of people are reticent about using dating sites out of fear of being exposed. Hence, a lot of women are single here but not willing to post on such sites.

Please remember the original title of my post is not where or what situations to find women but how to approach them. I'm surprised at the few productive suggestions that I've received.

northway

Joined: 05 Jul 2010

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:15 pm Post subject: Re: Ladies, how should we approach you?

Zulethe wrote:

Please remember the original title of my post is not where or what situations to find women but how to approach them. I'm surprised at the few productive suggestions that I've received.

Why are you surprised?

1) This isn't a site for pickup artists, it's a site for English teachers. There's no reason to think anyone knows any better than you.

2) You're looking for a magic bullet that doesn't exist. Just put yourself out there.

comm

Joined: 22 Jun 2010

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:42 pm Post subject: Re: Ladies, how should we approach you?

northway wrote:

Zulethe wrote:

I'm surprised at the few productive suggestions that I've received.

2) You're looking for a magic bullet that doesn't exist. Just put yourself out there.

Are you looking for a script or something?
Just start talking in a way that gets her to respond. Don't get crazy about it, and try to be interested in what she has to say.
The reason you aren't getting specifics is because your mindset and body language are far more important than the words coming out of your mouth.

bucheon bum

Joined: 16 Jan 2003

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:06 pm Post subject: Re: Ladies, how should we approach you?

comm wrote:

northway wrote:

Zulethe wrote:

I'm surprised at the few productive suggestions that I've received.

2) You're looking for a magic bullet that doesn't exist. Just put yourself out there.

Exactly. Act normal, ask questions (shows interest), and take things in stride.

creeper1

Joined: 30 Jan 2007

Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 6:20 am Post subject: waste

kabrams wrote:

creeper1 you have the most appropriate username.

Also interesting to note that a post asking women how they'd like to be approached has predictably turned into a clusterfk of men asking other men what women like.

Rolling Eyes

Well this is a forum for TEFLers and most of us are male. Well long termers anyway.

If the OP really is interested in getting a female perspective on all of this (and that won't do him any good IMHO) then he might try somewhere like this.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1011

ricochet

Joined: 04 Sep 2011
Location: carpetbagging...

Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 11:58 am Post subject:

being yourself and believing in yourself might be a good idea! gee, how old are you, OP, and all of you giving shallow advice? 11, 12 years old? hey, mods, elementary school students have hacked our forum and are taking it over!

kabrams

Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Location: your Dad's house

Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 2:44 pm Post subject: Re: waste

creeper1 wrote:

kabrams wrote:

OR you could stop linking ridiculous Youtube videos made by men who obviously have a grudge against women.

Despite what you think, many of the long termers on Dave's ESL and in Korea are women.

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