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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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 Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 6:54 am Post subject: |
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| rapier wrote: |
Thing is, women are different. I was talking to a korean girl today on how she'd like to be wooed by a prospective boyfriend. She said First you have to become good friends, and even pretend to be good friends even if you want more. After you've gotten to understand her well, after maybe a month-2 months, you could say that you like her...If she reciprocates, you become boyfriend and girlfriend...and then after a bit more time you might think about putting your arm around her..
she said korean girls don't like things to happen too quickly. they need to be persuaded and convinced by your unrelenting yet gentle attention...over time. |
The thing is, there are Korean guys that do romance women that way. It reminded me of a friend who's married to a Korean guy. She told me that according to him they were dating for six months before she realized it.  |
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TommyPickles
Joined: 19 Apr 2004
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 7:21 am Post subject: |
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Ah yes, love by stealth. The only problem with that is during the time you spend showing that you're a good catch, any guy can just come in and sweep your lil' lady off your feet. By the time you're ready to declare your love, it's too late. You've become a Chandler (ie. 'just Friends') and that's all you'll ever be. I can point to several failed love attempts in Korea based off this method.
Notice how the guy said they had been dating longer than what she realised? ie. he was making a concious effort as a nice guy but she completely ignored it. No doubt if someone else just came up to her at the same time and been up front about their intentions, I'm sure she would have been swept off her feet and wouldn't have considered your male friends feelings (ie. he thought he had a sure thing going, but it was nothing). Don't try this at home kids.
Cheers
TommyPickles
Ps. I'm not bitter ^^;; |
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katydid
Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Location: Here kitty kitty kitty...
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| Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 1:32 pm Post subject: |
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| matthewwoodford wrote: |
| katydid wrote: |
| matthewwoodford wrote: |
| katydid wrote: |
If that is the case, then I hope in the near future, Korea will owe every foreign girl that arrives here TWO boyfriends for all the years of drought, frustration, and scorn past female waygooks have had to endure.  |
Be young, slim and blonde. Then you can date any man in Korea. |
I am.  |
And you mean you can't have any guy - or two guys - twined around your little finger? Guess I was wrong...Sorry. |
It's OK. Maybe it's because I really don't aspire to wrap any guy around my finger. Or maybe it's because I am short, and the guys I tend to go for are in the relatively ridiculously tall category. 
Last edited by katydid on Sun May 09, 2004 3:36 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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Are you implying that you're only nice to people that you want to date?
Romance by stealth is hardly the way I'd want to be romanced, but then I'm a very direct kind of person, and I find the Korean approach to dating distasteful at best. |
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katydid
Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Location: Here kitty kitty kitty...
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| Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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I always thought that here it was "If it doesn't happen fast, it just doesn't happen." Not that I agree with it.
I can't say the stalker approach is any good. I had a friend who was dating a guy, and actually I talked to them both, and she told me the guy was practically crazy in "showing" his love for her, by calling her at all hours of the night, and showing upo at her door when she decided the guy was acting too crazy for her.
As you call it "love by stealth" LOL that doesn't sound so good either, but I like the wording...what is that? You're invisible until you decide to drop the bomb?
This goes back to what I said first. I hate the whole idea of jumping into something so quickly, because there really should be room enough, a window for when you are able to take the time to get to know someone and take things as they come and see how it goes. |
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dogbert
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: Killbox 90210
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| Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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| There are enough women out there just waiting for the chance to explore their psycho-stalking-obsessive side, why are there men worrying about how to pursue them? |
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TommyPickles
Joined: 19 Apr 2004
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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Good call, dogbert.
Peppermint, I'll have you know I'm a kind, caring, considerate kind of bloke ^^. In fact, my problem was that I was always only being friends with Korean girls at the uni (as I just wanted to get a real local experience).
This led to the idea that I am some sort of playboy (see: gossip/rumours, CC phenomenon). So then the girls who I did want to go further with already assumed I was with another. In fact, when I finally did land myself a gf (who btw cheated on me), she constantly complained that I was too friendly to other girls!
So to conclude, it ain't easy being handsome and friendly to girls in Korea, people are always bound to assume somethin Just a warning to those hunky ESL teachers out there... *cough*
Cheers
TommyPickles |
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Universalis
Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Location: Seoul
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 10:01 pm Post subject: |
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In my experience the "sweep them off their feet" action only works with women who are very available for one reason or another: ie divorced or on the wrong side of 30.
The others are scared off by this. they have options, often 2/3 guys they're seeing simultaneously, etc.
After speaking to several Korean women on the subject, the general conscensus seems to be time, patience and persistence wins out, keep asking them for dinners and drinks, keep telling them your feelings and reassuring them...you have to prove your feelings and establish a good understanding before you declare yourself. You have to compete: its no different in nature- to a female bird selecting the male who can display or sing for the longest, demonstrating his strength and persistence.
All this is different of course to scoring with chicks in bars: no chance of a good relationship there, if thats what you're driving at.
I'm interested to hear from Guys married to korean women, and how their courtship happened exactly. |
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katydid
Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Location: Here kitty kitty kitty...
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| Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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Brian, that article was the most fucked up thing I have ever read in my life.
Scary! |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Mon May 10, 2004 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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yeah, that article scared me. IT does explain some of the interactions I've had with Korean men though. . 
( for those who will try to use this later, I'm thinking of two incidentsout of zillions) |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 4:52 am Post subject: |
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| TommyPickles wrote: |
Ah yes, love by stealth. The only problem with that is during the time you spend showing that you're a good catch, any guy can just come in and sweep your lil' lady off your feet. By the time you're ready to declare your love, it's too late. You've become a Chandler (ie. 'just Friends') and that's all you'll ever be. I can point to several failed love attempts in Korea based off this method.
Notice how the guy said they had been dating longer than what she realised? ie. he was making a concious effort as a nice guy but she completely ignored it. No doubt if someone else just came up to her at the same time and been up front about their intentions, I'm sure she would have been swept off her feet and wouldn't have considered your male friends feelings (ie. he thought he had a sure thing going, but it was nothing). Don't try this at home kids.
Cheers
TommyPickles
Ps. I'm not bitter ^^;; |
Your attempts failed, because you gave up: Koreans expect you to keep on making the effort. Westerners cut-off points are miles ahead of a korean woman's. Its a test of persistence. You can't simply assume she's not interested because she turns down your offer of a drink, its not like America.
About "sweeping them off their feet:) does anyone actually believe it when a stranger you've only known for two weeks abruptly declares his undying love? Maybe a 17 year old would: but older women need a longer term thing, over time.
these quickly happening relationships are the ones that fall apart equally fast- because its based on an illusion. |
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The Man known as The Man
Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Location: 3 cheers for Ted Haggard oh yeah!
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| Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2004 1:43 pm Post subject: |
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| katydid wrote: |
| If that is the case, then I hope in the near future, Korea will owe every foreign girl that arrives here TWO boyfriends for all the years of drought, frustration, and scorn past female waygooks have had to endure. |
My regret is that I wasn't born two minutes after my older, identical twin brother. |
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