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Lazio
Joined: 15 Dec 2010
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 Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 10:58 pm Post subject: |
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My wife has been living on her own since she was 23 so she doesn�t have that typical �calling every day and visit 2-3 times a week� relationship with her parents.
They talk on the phone 2-3 times a month perhaps.
We visit them maybe 5-6 times a year, usually for the big holidays, birthdays and parents day. They also visit us a handful of times a year to bring some kimchi and whatnot. They don�t stay for longer than 1-2 hours, but we usually stay 1 night at their place. |
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cdninkorea
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 6:28 am Post subject: |
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| giraffe wrote: |
| Instead we always just go to my inlaws house , eat the same food and fruit and sit in front of the TV and talk about the same things. |
I was going to write pretty much exactly this. My parents in-law are great people, but they never do anything except hang around at home, TV on in the background all the time, talking about the same topics all the time. Anytime I suggest doing something or going somewhere, they look shocked and say, "Go where? We have everything we need here." *sigh*
My wife goes there about once a month with me going even less often. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 9:14 am Post subject: |
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I wonder how your avg Korean spouse married to a westerner feels about their inlaws.
The side of that coin rarely gets discussed here and I am sure it would be interesting and likely share some common elements. |
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jvalmer
Joined: 06 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 9:46 am Post subject: |
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| cdninkorea wrote: |
| Anytime I suggest doing something or going somewhere, they look shocked and say, "Go where? We have everything we need here." *sigh* |
Maybe they feel they don't have the financial resources to go anywhere. I know a lot of older Asians tend to be extremely financially conservative. I knew one guy's Korean parents in Canada who would sneak a ziplock bag into buffets to take extra food, would keep their car for 10+ years, finally replaced their crt tv a few years ago, and for 25 years (until he graduated university) never ever went somewhere for vacation. I don't think they even took a day off tending their store. My friend always thought it was because they had to live through the lean years of the war and the couple of decades after. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 11:05 am Post subject: |
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There is an old japanese couple who run and own a small grocery store close to where we live in Canada and they fit exactly what jvalmer has described.
They manage their store and seem to live a very simple and quiet life. They hardly take a day off.
My father in law retired a couple of years ago and the first thing he did was buy an expansion to the land he owned and started farming it. He is so happy doing that. |
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PRagic
Joined: 24 Feb 2006
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 2:17 pm Post subject: |
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| New Year, Chusok, MIL's b-day, FIL's b-day. That's it. We meet the SIL once a month or so, but that's only because she's still single. Low maitenance family IMHO, and I like that. |
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Who's Your Daddy?
Joined: 30 May 2010
Location: Victoria, Canada.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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| cdninkorea wrote: |
| giraffe wrote: |
| Instead we always just go to my inlaws house , eat the same food and fruit and sit in front of the TV and talk about the same things. |
I was going to write pretty much exactly this. My parents in-law are great people, but they never do anything except hang around at home, TV on in the background all the time, talking about the same topics all the time. Anytime I suggest doing something or going somewhere, they look shocked and say, "Go where? We have everything we need here." *sigh*
My wife goes there about once a month with me going even less often. |
What do they talk about?
My wife and her mother and sisters talk about food, where to buy things, how to cook things, how much they cost. (Basically the same as my co-workers.)
My father in law likes to talk about politics and house prices, new housing developments, land investments. That interests me, but I have trouble having a high level discussion going about politics. One funny time he spoke in English "Roh Myu Hyun, um, communist!" So that was easy to understand:) |
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tob55
Joined: 29 Apr 2007
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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Married for 8 years now, and we never saw my wife's family for the first 6 years. Long story, but it was by my wife's choosing, and I have always encouraged her to try and keep touch with her family.
Since our daughter was born 1 1/2 years ago, we have seen them I think three times. Two times at their home and once in our home. They don't really like the notion of my wife being married to a foreigner, and it will be interesting to see how they treat me once they find out I received my Korean citizenship a few months ago. With that said, I don't expect much to change in terms of visiting or being visited as my wife is okay with no family contact. She is quite different and really would prefer to live back in my home country or anywhere else in the world. She considers herself a "global citizen" and detests the notion that South Koreans see themselves as "welcoming to other cultures and ethnic populations." That is my take on it.  |
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giraffe
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Who's Your Daddy? wrote: |
What do they talk about?
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My MIL talks about food pretty much 24/7. It stresses the shit out of me and my wife. Always going on about how good her food is ( which is pretty good to give her credit) But she talks about it soo much we literally lose our appetite . always asking us to eat something every 10 minutes , She calls my wife everyday asking her what she ate and if she needs food . talking about how food is better and more nutritious in korea ( when shes never really travelled outside of korea) etc.. If we go out anywhere its always about food, we have to bring food.... Its really no fun at all . Its probably the #1 stress in our life hahah. Its not something we can get her to change either. shes been this way her whole life and weve talked to her about it. If on the rare occasion shes not talking about food shes talking about Brand items ( shopping) or money to buy stuff... Same stuff every single time we see her. Wouldnt be soo bad if we saw her once a month...
FIL hmm honestly, doesnt talk much. Hes pretty laid back. Mostly watches TV or listens to old people music... Or hes just not around the house. Goes out to meet friends and plays gostop.
brother in law when hes around is always complaining about how hard he works ( works less than me) or talking about buying expensive brand stuff which he cant afford or money.
Overall, its about food or brands or money.. Somthing i have no interest in. I love food but not when its talked about 24/7 or shoved in my face all the time..
not particularly fun to be around to be honest but I try hard to look interested and try to engage in the conversation ... Sitting in an corner with headphones is not an option and is pretty disrespectful I think but I wish i could do it sometimes =). Or stay home while my wife visits her family. However IF i did that the family wouldnt be too happy ,understandably so.
I try to be a good son in law but I do have my complaints! It is what it is... I can live with it but wish things were more interesting. |
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Captain Corea
Joined: 28 Feb 2005
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Funny you say that, giraffe - I often opt out of family get-togethers. No major reason, just like taking my "alone" time. I'm not sure what the inlaws think of it though. |
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giraffe
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Captain Corea wrote: |
| Funny you say that, giraffe - I often opt out of family get-togethers. No major reason, just like taking my "alone" time. I'm not sure what the inlaws think of it though. |
Good on you for having that setup. This doesn't bother your wife? And what if your wife decided to pull the same thing with your family ? I know you probably dont see your family in canada often so theres probably no reason for your wife to pull that card on you...
Honestly though, I dont think the "alone time " would work with my wife.
If my wife kept asking me not to see my family , that would probably bother me espcially if she tells me she wants "alone" time. Where I'm from I wouldnt consider that to be normal... SO i give her the same courtesy with her family...
I already have quite ALOt of alone time and my wife knows that I dont really have anything better to do since I dont really have friends to hang out with or Any other commitments. haha. HECK, if I go out of sight anytime during a family gathering Everyone starts wondering where I'm at. It becomes a Find the weigookin game. Then 5 minutes later I walk out of the washroom and everyone starts questioning where I went. I cant take a shit in peace haha.
Every now and then i do have an excuse not to go! Mostly due to WORK. BUt I wouldnt go as far as to lie to my wife just to get out of it.. Oddly when i AM really busy my wife ends up not going too. I think on some level deep down she doesnt want to see her parents either but doesnt want to admit it haha..
Anyways I dont fight it but i do question why we have to go see her family so often. THey are nice and always ready to help but I think seeing them once or twice a month would be more then enough. REally no reason to see them soo often and it does cut into our time of things wed like to do on weekends. |
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T-J
Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Location: Seoul EunpyungGu Yeonsinnae
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="giraffe"]
| Captain Corea wrote: |
| Funny you say that, giraffe - I often opt out of family get-togethers. No major reason, just like taking my "alone" time. I'm not sure what the inlaws think of it though. |
Good on you for having that setup. This doesn't bother your wife? And what if your wife decided to pull the same thing with your family ? I know you probably dont see your family in canada often so theres probably no reason for your wife to pull that card on you...
Honestly though, I dont think the "alone time " would work with my wife.
If my wife kept asking me not to see my family , that would probably bother me espcially if she tells me she wants "alone" time. Where I'm from I wouldnt consider that to be normal... SO i give her the same courtesy with her family...
I already have quite ALOt of alone time and my wife knows that I dont really have anything better to do since I dont really have friends to hang out with or Any other commitments. haha. HECK, if I go out of sight anytime during a family gathering Everyone starts wondering where I'm at. It becomes a Find the weigookin game. Then 5 minutes later I walk out of the washroom and everyone starts questioning where I went. I cant take a shit in peace haha.
Every now and then i do have an excuse not to go! Mostly due to WORK. BUt I wouldnt go as far as to lie to my wife just to get out of it.. Oddly when i AM really busy my wife ends up not going too. I think on some level deep down she doesnt want to see her parents either but doesnt want to admit it haha..
Anyways I dont fight it but i do question why we have to go see her family so often. THey are nice and always ready to help but I think seeing them once or twice a month would be more then enough. REally no reason to see them soo often and it does cut into our time of things wed like to do on weekends.[/quote
I'd be less concerned with what my spouse thought than what message it was sending to my kid(s).
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Captain Corea
Joined: 28 Feb 2005
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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| giraffe wrote: |
| Captain Corea wrote: |
| Funny you say that, giraffe - I often opt out of family get-togethers. No major reason, just like taking my "alone" time. I'm not sure what the inlaws think of it though. |
Good on you for having that setup. This doesn't bother your wife? And what if your wife decided to pull the same thing with your family ? I know you probably dont see your family in canada often so theres probably no reason for your wife to pull that card on you... |
Can't say that it's ever bothered her. It's not that I never go to the in-laws - we lived with them for years, but I just don't feel the obligation some here have mentioned.
As for my wife "pulling the same thing" with my family/friends - well, as you already pointed out, they're in Canada. But for the most part, I've encouraged her to "do her own thing" whenever possible.
| T-J wrote: |
I'd be less concerned with what my spouse thought than what message it was sending to my kid(s).
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And what message would that be? |
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fermentation
Joined: 22 Jun 2009
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| Posted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 12:29 am Post subject: |
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| Captain Corea wrote: |
And what message would that be? |
Family get togethers are not very enjoyable, and they'll eventually figure that out for themselves anyway. |
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Stan Rogers
Joined: 20 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 12:54 am Post subject: |
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I get along fine with my wife's family.
I get the impression that a lot of you guys are young and don't like hanging out with older people.
I'm sure if they shared your addiction to video games most of you would be the best of friends. |
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