Korean Job Discussion Forums

[jaytee8432]

I came to Korea over 5 years ago and was a pretty chilled out guy. People cutting in line, people not getting out of your way on the street never bothered me for more than a second. I stayed for almost 2 years and while I noticed I would get a bit irritated by those things a little it was never that bad and didn't change my lifestyle.

After, I moved to another Asian country and was there for three years. I had a lot of problems there with money and was fairly lonely in terms of meeting friends (why I stayed there so long is another story). I started to become a bit of a hermit but then did a lot of thai kickboxing and boxing and made a few friends there. They may have not been a good influence on me since they were bitter guys who have probably been in the country too long. They weren't too violent but would get annoyed over small things.

To get to the point I started becoming a lot like them too. Someone bumps into me or cuts across my path and i would get annoyed. It wouldn't instantly happen it would boil up and i would think about it all day especially when I would get home and be alone. Something so small like this would bother me a lot. I believe the reasons I've become like could be:
1. boxing/muay thai: I picked it up very quickly and found out I have a ridiculous amount of power. When some preppy looking Korean bumps into me it annoys me that he doesn't realize that I could destroy him in 5 seconds and I felt like he should have shown more respect. Although I still get annoyed if it's a woman
2. spent too much time alone
3. had too many financial problems in the last few years
4. made friends who weren't a good influence
5. been in Asia too long

I know this comes across as sounding physchotic and I know some foreigners have trouble getting used to rudeness here but I don't know of anyone that has the same feelings as me and that it effects they're lifestyle. Eg. Avoid busier places on weekend, spending a bit more time at home than usual.

I do make sure I get out there and I feel like I have become better at dealing with it than before. I've never done anything violent because of the nature of it building up after the situation passes but wish so badly I could have the situation over again. But I really wish I could return to being like the old me who never really got bothered over these things. Is it possibly an age thing? We just become like that as we get older and more bitter. Is there anyone that feels this way? Or is there any way to solve this? Meditation,....? I worried that I'm bottling up too much negative energy and it could have a bad consequence.

[farfromhome]

its not you, its them. =P

it comes and goes. sometimes, it REALLY bothers me. then, i go through a phase where i just laugh it off, followed by a period when i am completely oblivious. repeat.

i agree that the negative energy buildup is not healthy, but i dont have any suggestions for you. ive noticed that this place has made me very passive-aggressive in general.

and as you already know, NEVER get in a fight here! its always our fault, and blood money is a b.

[Died By Bear]

Unfortunately, this is something that even a vacation won't fix.

[jaytee8432]

I have a lot of friends that have been here a long time. Some of them have always had a good ability to laugh things off and noticed others would point something out or would be in incidents that shows their annoyance. I never wanted to become like those that get annoyed too easily but I'm afraid I've joined them. I never really discussed with them their exact feelings and if they are like mine but yeah sometimes I'm shocked at the way people behave compared to back home.

[jaytee8432]

[Who's Your Daddy?]

Yes, I think it does happen to a lot of people. I think it is being alone alot, not enough conversations, also always being a foreigner, not part of society.

I think the only remedy is to return to your home country, or another English speaking country.

Further, I'd add my decision to return home is related to this. And it isn't Korea, that's the problem. Moving to Japan say, wouldn't fix it. Basically it is being away from home for too long. It isn't so much I have to leave Korea, as I have to go home.

[jaytee8432]

[Julius]

The only way to survive in this country long-term without going berserk and ending up in jail (or paying your life savings out in blood money) is to find your own comfort zone.

This usually means a daily routine that minimises stress. Avoiding public transport where possible. Living close to your school to cut travel time. Shopping online. An established circle of LT friends (meeting new people all the time increases stress levels). Having an absorbing interest or hobby, especially one that has a calming influence (fishing?). Avoiding walking in areas and at times where lots of drunk koreans congregate. etc. Having Korean friends will shield you from a lot of hostility too.

But if you have nothing to bind you to this country, I'd suggest moving somewhere that has less angering public behavior. Koreans are not going to change and most of them are completely oblivious or uncaring to the fact that their behaviour is irritating. If you initiate physical confrontation with a korean you are triggering a chain of events over which you have little control and one which could either see you deported or extorted for huge amounts of money. Nop matter what, Korean police are never going to be on your side and that won't change either.

[Squire]

This semester I'm definitely more easily annoyed about what I consider rude behaviour (and straight up racism), and believe it completely coincides with my job getting worse. I started the semester in a great mood looking forward to getting back, seeing everyone and teaching some serious English, but I got a new CT for six of my classes and went from almost complete control over how the classes were taught and leading 100% of the time (while the CT sat at the back or made sure the kids were listening) to being a human tape recorder who drifts about at the back of the room with nothing to do 90% of the time. I can't stand it, and even though my job is easier now and those classes are only 6 classes a week, my entire outlook is bleaker because I suppose I like teaching, like being in control and feel a lot less important now. It's pathetic really since she'll be gone at the end of the semester, but I'm petty sure that's why my general mood took a turn for the worse

[Died By Bear]

What the OP is describing is not just a hindrance of living in the ROK, it's indicative of a deeper psychological torture that westerners have to go through. Koreans can be very cruel and cynical to each other. I think sometimes westerners don't understand that about them. What Koreans have learned to adjust to over a lifetime is thrust upon every foreign worker and force fed until we either get sick of it and leave, or learn to deal with it.


In this case, I would encourage the OP to get his own transportation. That cuts out 40-45% of the 'noise' that we deal with on public transport, taxis, sidewalk behaviors, etc.

[dairyairy]

It can get very annoying, especially when children are rude to you, in public, and the parents do nothing or actually egg them on. There's no excuse for that kind of rudeness.

[Died By Bear]

[cabeza]

[PatrickGHBusan]

Sounds like this is basically the OP running out of steam when it comes to living abroad. This happens to a lot of people. I would agree that in this case OP its just time to go home, the other options are not going to fix what ails you and frankly you have just one life to live so live it for yourself and try to be happy.

As for the broader discussion on Korea and living there, I agree with Julius on one point (good lord how did this happen???): everyone needs to find their own comfort zone to be happy in Korea (or anywhere abroad actually).

Some go in full egg mode (pretty much what Julius described) and it works well for them. Others do not need to go that far but will avoid certain things while others yet are pretty happy dealing with the daily occurrences of life in Korea. Everyone has to find a spot on that scale somewhere where they are happy and comfortable.

Sometimes just picking up and leaving may be the best option for someone.

The common element I could point to in people who stay long term in the ROK is that they tend to put things in perspective pretty well and do not overly focus on things they cannot change or control. That does not mean ignoring these things, it means putting them in perspective and/or trying to get where these things come from and why they happen. Typically when this happens, the frustration fades away or you get to address the issue more effectively. This can include learning the local language and trying to learn and understand the local culture and its customs.

Also, living abroad is not for everyone and many westerners simply cannot handle the reality of abroad when it does not conform to the idea / concept of abroad they had. Furthermore, some westerners do not anticipate what being away from family and friends for a year or more can mean and this can weigh on them and really drag them down psychologically.

So by all means, figure out what your comfort zone is and if you cannot honestly find one then its probably time to move on.

[Allthechildrenareinsane]