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blackinque
Joined: 07 Apr 2010
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 Posted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:47 pm Post subject: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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I think I am at a crossroad. Korea has presented me with two choices: give up part of myself to fit into the group, or keep being myself and live as a social outcast. Both are terrible ...
I am a full time university student in Korea, studying amongst Koreans, taking classes in Korean, with Korean teachers. I have immersed myself in all that is Korea without really thinking that it would lead to this.
I really can't give up half of who I am, I don't think I am able to. I am afraid of even trying because I don't want to lose my individuality. I am not going to give up my sense of self.
I believe this is the core reason as to why I am depressed right now. I have opted to become a recluse. I have not had a conversation with another human being in months. Going to classes at university at this point has become unbearable. I literally cannot stop myself from crying in class anymore, when I see everyone chatting and laughing happily, knowing I am not welcome in this type of society until I decide to adhere to its strict rules.
I have one year left in this country. It is going to be a nightmare year. I don't want to live in solitude anymore. I don't want to stay amongst these cruel and horrible people anymore. But if I do leave, right now, I will have wasted 4 years of my life. |
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KimchiNinja
Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:04 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| blackinque wrote: |
| I have opted to become a recluse. I have not had a conversation with another human being in months. |
That's my favorite part of Korea! ^^
But I'm a guy, certain dudes like "lone wolf" style. Can't you hang with the lovely foreigners on Daves?  |
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blackinque
Joined: 07 Apr 2010
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:12 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| KimchiNinja wrote: |
| But I'm a guy, certain dudes like "lone wolf" style. Can't you hang with the lovely foreigners on Daves? |
I'm a lone wolf too, I've never really liked meeting people. I was socially withdrawn back home as well. If you mean going to a meet up with the people on Dave's, no I've never considered it, when I go to meet ups with strangers it usually gets really awkward for me because I just force myself to be nice and struggle to find subjects for conversations. |
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Paddycakes
Joined: 05 May 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:14 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| blackinque wrote: |
I think I am at a crossroad. Korea has presented me with two choices: give up part of myself to fit into the group, or keep being myself and live as a social outcast. Both are terrible ...
I am a full time university student in Korea, studying amongst Koreans, taking classes in Korean, with Korean teachers. I have immersed myself in all that is Korea without really thinking that it would lead to this.
I really can't give up half of who I am, I don't think I am able to. I am afraid of even trying because I don't want to lose my individuality. I am not going to give up my sense of self.
I believe this is the core reason as to why I am depressed right now. I have opted to become a recluse. I have not had a conversation with another human being in months. Going to classes at university at this point has become unbearable. I literally cannot stop myself from crying in class anymore, when I see everyone chatting and laughing happily, knowing I am not welcome in this type of society until I decide to adhere to its strict rules.
I have one year left in this country. It is going to be a nightmare year. I don't want to live in solitude anymore. I don't want to stay amongst these cruel and horrible people anymore. But if I do leave, right now, I will have wasted 4 years of my life. |
If you're looking to restore your faith in humanity, Dave's may not be the best place to hang out... |
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KimchiNinja
Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:24 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| Paddycakes wrote: |
| If you're looking to restore your faith in humanity, Dave's may not be the best place to hang out... |
Kkk... |
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blackinque
Joined: 07 Apr 2010
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:25 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| Paddycakes wrote: |
| If you're looking to restore your faith in humanity, Dave's may not be the best place to hang out... |
Nah, that's not something I'm aiming for. I guess, I'm just curious how people manage to live in this country without getting depressed like me. How is it even possible to be content with living years, decades, outside of society? |
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Kepler
Joined: 24 Sep 2007
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:28 am Post subject: |
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| I think a lot of us have probably had similar feelings at one time or another during our stay in Korea. If you could form one relationship in which you can be yourself and feel accepted, you would probably feel better. An understanding friend or therapist might be the answer. |
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IPayInCash
Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Location: Away from all my board stalkers :)
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:40 am Post subject: |
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No surprise, Ive said it time and time again this is the LEAST welcoming country in the world filled with the most miserable peoplein existence. I cant even go outside with my smoking hot girlfriend without getting cold death stares from everyone.
Korea is a dump compared to Japan and the West. Get out while you can and save your sanity. |
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blackinque
Joined: 07 Apr 2010
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:50 am Post subject: |
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| Kepler wrote: |
| An understanding friend or therapist might be the answer. |
I see. Well, I feel these would not solve your problem entirely. You will never escape social isolation, you just learn to cope with it better if people are supporting you. You learn to tolerate not belonging to a group.
Anyway, I have one year left in Korea, but friends are hard to come across here, not in this university environment. Understanding friends would be even fewer and far between. I'm not a very friendly person, you see. It's a nasty vicious circle I'm in right now. I went to see a therapist about it but the price was really high (80.000w per hour) and I don't think the therapist lady liked me very much.
During therapy I cast any self-restraint aside and let all the bottled up hatred towards Korea out and I don't think she liked it.  |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:54 am Post subject: |
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| blackinque wrote: |
I'm a lone wolf too... |
No, you are not, which is why Korea is so hard on you; being unfriendly is not the same as being a loner. No "lone wolf" would say, "Korea has presented me with two choices: give up part of myself to fit into the group, or keep being myself and live as a social outcast. Both are terrible," both because being an outsider is not terrible to a loner, and because paying lip service to local customs would never threaten such an individual's sense of identity.
Exactly which strict rules pose such a threat to your sense of individuality anyway? |
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crescent
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: yes.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:56 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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I don't quite understand this part:
| blackinque wrote: |
knowing I am not welcome in this type of society until I decide to adhere to its strict rules.
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I'm of the opinion that no foreigner will ever be truly welcome in this society unless he or she:
a) becomes a TV clown
b) champions a Korean national cause
So, what rules do you think you need to be compliant to in order to help your cause?
I've been here 10 years, and it's the very fact that I spit in the face of their rules that gives me power. Someone throws BS at me and I'll throw it right back. Yeah....That.... and the fact that I can leave at any time. |
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blackinque
Joined: 07 Apr 2010
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 1:11 am Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| Exactly which strict rules pose such a threat to your sense of individuality anyway? |
The biggest thing that comes to mind is Korea's view towards criticism. I criticize a lot, but whenever I do it around Koreans it makes them really uncomfortable. I am not allowed to say anything negative really, but this is a big part of me.
I do think that I am a loner. I don't enjoy it at all, but I'm stuck like this in Korea. I was okay with this sort of lifestyle 2 years ago but I just got sick of it now. |
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blackinque
Joined: 07 Apr 2010
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 1:21 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| crescent wrote: |
So, what rules do you think you need to be compliant to in order to help your cause?
I've been here 10 years, and it's the very fact that I spit in the face of their rules that gives me power. Someone throws BS at me and I'll throw it right back. Yeah....That.... and the fact that I can leave at any time. |
It's a really rigid society. There is a strict hierarchy. You are expected to adapt to the situation you're in and behave accordingly. If you are a university teacher you keep your distance from students and try to look as formal and professional as possible, if you are an elementary school teacher you have to be 'mommy', if you're with your superiors you're humble and its okay to act childish. You're expected to bow to your sonbe's and respect the authority of those who are older. I don't do this, I believe a person should be who he is, not what a social situation molds him to be. |
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andrewchon
Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Location: Back in Oz. Living in ISIS Aust.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 1:22 am Post subject: |
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Geez, if you like to critique, you won't be welcome anywhere, never mind Korea. So, you already know the solution: learn to accentuate the positive.  |
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KimchiNinja
Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam
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| Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 1:23 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| blackinque wrote: |
| I'm just curious how people manage to live in this country without getting depressed like me. How is it even possible to be content with living years, decades, outside of society? |
Angry Dave's people are going to go wild, but what the hell... 
In order to make it in NE Asia you need a network, that's what it's about here.
Example: I'm from our US office, I get myself transferred to our KR office because I'm interested in Asian culture and international markets. So bam right there I've got a network. The people of the same age and salary range in the KR office are now peers...and they are assessing this new person (if you blow it at this stage, or don't realize there is a stage, then it stops here, just go home).
Next you go out drinking with these people, they think hmm this guy is okay, so they introduce you to their outer circle, and next their middle circle, and finally the guarded inner circle. It's a long currious journey. But once you're in, these people will do anything for you. My K-friends are like brothers. But it's either in or out. And as an outsider KR is *not* going to be fun, and it's going to make you angry.
Koreans build these networks up over a lifetime from college, work, family. They don't talk to strangers, so you need a proper introduction, somone of status who vouches for you. That's how it works.
Which is why I don't really understand people who come here with no connections, or blow their only connections right off the boat with their negative attitudes. Then you're done in NE Asia, just like that. |
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