|
Korean Job Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
forvalor
Joined: 20 Jul 2010
|
 Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 2:13 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
Mainstream: Absolutely, most people get married later these days, so you have plenty of time. Age is just a number, if a man can’t accept that, then he’s not worth your time anyway. Besides, who said you have to get married? You’re a strong, independent woman; you will be fine either way. Seize the day and stop worrying about what the future holds. It’s your life after all.
Alternate: You’re already 28, and by the time you return from Korea you’ll probably be close to 30. A cruel reality of life is that men are biologically programmed to value youth and beauty above all else in women, just as women value height and status in men. You may still be able to meet a man when you return, but he will be low status, divorced with kids, old or ugly. Of course, there are always those cats. Tick Tock... |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
cat12345
Joined: 28 Jun 2013
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 10:51 am Post subject: oh boy here we go |
|
|
| forvalor wrote: |
Mainstream: Absolutely, most people get married later these days, so you have plenty of time. Age is just a number, if a man can’t accept that, then he’s not worth your time anyway. Besides, who said you have to get married? You’re a strong, independent woman; you will be fine either way. Seize the day and stop worrying about what the future holds. It’s your life after all.
Alternate: You’re already 28, and by the time you return from Korea you’ll probably be close to 30. A cruel reality of life is that men are biologically programmed to value youth and beauty above all else in women, just as women value height and status in men. You may still be able to meet a man when you return, but he will be low status, divorced with kids, old or ugly. Of course, there are always those cats. Tick Tock... |
To be honest, I have been giving this a lot of thought, as well as watching what you have said in other posts, and what other forum members have said about you.
My conclusion is that you can often tell more about someone from what they say about other people than what they say about themselves. The fact that you seem to draw visceral reactions on here (to the point of where they remember what you say in arguments seemingly months later...) gives me pause. I do wonder if I'm simply talking to a troll.
What I have noticed about men that tend to be the most vocal about traditional gender roles are the ones that seem to be the best at not meeting them themselves. They groan and moan about not being able to meet any "good, traditional" women. This, despite the fact that they supposedly, according to their own words, have a life-long monopoly and can pick and choose whatever women at whatever age they want.
Something that came to mind was a roommate I used to have in graduate school. I shared the largest room with my boyfriend, which was adjacent his much smaller room. There was one other roommate and we all shared the kitchen, bathroom and living room.
We paid approximately 650 each a month, a steal for our city. But there was no getting around the fact that we were living in a not ideal situation- 4 people sharing a bathroom is a lot!
What floored me later on is that I found out this guy was 35 years old, 36 by the time he moved out. This guy had two masters degrees and still had a joint bank account with his mom from which he paid his rent every month. I in fact heard them arguing over this on the phone one day..."he couldn't see the problem with just leaving it alone...what's wrong with it??". D:
This guy "taught online classes from home" and would often make allusions to all the girls he was dating, but funnily enough I never saw a single one. The one girl he did bring home was on the night of his 36th birthday, and she was absolutely a prostitute: she moaned and groaned ALL NIGHT long. I'm absolutely sure, though, because I saw her get up to take a pee and she had a distinctive face. A few days later I flip open the city paper and lo and behold, who was that in the backpages?...
After the prostitute incident it was like there was a tension in the house that caused the 4th roommate to move out. So creepy-dude brings in a 21 year old guy that covers the house in Buffy posters (yes, even the living room). Creepy dude promptly becomes best friends with Buffy guy despite the 15 year age difference and EVERY SINGLE DAY thereafter I am subjected to this in the living room, unfortunately the only place I could get wifi at night:
*trawling through OKCupid*
Creepy dude, "Oh man, look at this chick! She must be that stripper down at the pier who has stretch marks, I swear this is the same girl...."
Buffy dude, "Yeah mean, it's a shame because otherwise she'd be hot...."
Creepy dude, "Oh yeah, I mean here it's slim pickings because I only like blondes and redheads and it's Asians for miles around, and funnily enough I seem to get a lot of messages from black chicks, but those are always over 30 too and they get that funny waddle thing beneath their chin, plus I don't like the fake hair thing...."
I mean this is almost verbatim some of what I had to listen to him prattle on about.
The truth of the matter is, this guy was pushing 40, sucking from his mom's bank account like a cow sucks at a teat, not regularly employed (adjunct classes not even taught in real life is not regularly employed) still skateboarding and hanging out with college juniors like a 21 year old 16 years too late, and just completely clueless as to his complete and utter LOSERVILLE image he was projecting to absolutely everyone. Someone who is almost 40 should not have 3 roommates. Someone who is almost 40 should not be on OKCupid at all, to be honest, because he just looks like that one creepy dude that all the girls avoid.
Listening to this guy complain about all of the OKCupid girls not good enough for him was like a crash course in misogyny, but also delusion: he honestly, truly believed he could have gotten these girls in the first place. The truth is, he was creepy guy pushing 40 who had 4 roommates, a joint bank account with his mom because he couldn't be trusted to pay his own rent, no real job, no car, and ideas that he was still hot despite the fact his face looked like beef jerky and it was obvious he was balding, and he was super short on top of that, probably 5'7" at the most. I mean...seriously?
I have to admit I picture this guy when I read what you write.
You acted as if you were bestowing upon me some much needed wisdom. Well, here's mine...things are not what they seem. Most women are still civilized enough to not say this stuff to your face in the West, but we're all still thinking it. Most 25 year old girls are not interested in anyone over 35 unless they're exceptionally good looking (which no offense, I doubt you are) or a celebrity. If they are still responding to the advances of someone much older, they are probably very immature with daddy issues and want to be taken care of. Maybe that means you are still technically involved with them, but it is not a relationship of equals, and everyone knows it. Maybe you don't care, but don't be naiive enough to think that everyone else isn't judging you, or that your girlfriend or wife wouldn't have picked a 20 year younger version of you, or someone else entirely.
You yourself are over in Korea, for at least 5 years based on things you've said in the past. What, exactly, caused you to fail over here? Most people don't reject their own culture unless they really just completely can't hack it. Who rejected you, and why? Is this the heart of your misogyny?
Secondly, you have mentioned in other posts you have a Korean girlfriend of 4 years....why aren't you married yet? From what I understand a 4 year engagement doesn't happen a lot over there. I realize English teaching isn't exactly considered an illustrious career over there by Korean women, and they are pragmatic enough to usually eliminate the white English men teaching as husband material, but this girl has stuck with you for four years, and that's long enough to figure it if she likes you. I'm assuming now that it's established you can't maintain a relationship of equals, you would have really locked that down. But instead, it seems even then you are floundering...is it because even your Korean girlfriend senses something amiss?
I really don't know what else to say to you besides I kind of have had to disregard what you say, with the above post as my response to what I took as an insult. Most people don't like to be reduced to a piece of meat rotting every year, with some random person as a judge. I guess I just wanted to remind you that you are rotting to, and are in no position to judge anyway. There are a lot of lurkers here that never post (I did for years, actually) and so I wanted there to be a real response to the "problems" you pose, which really aren't problems at all, just a venue for you to air our your own sexual frustrations and problems with women.
Good luck and hopefully you won't have any daughters with that poor woman. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
forvalor
Joined: 20 Jul 2010
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Not sure if you've confused me with someone else, but I have not caused any arguments here, nor am I vaguely close to the type of person you described. Also, I provided you with two points of view, I didn't say which of them you had to believe. I'm a happily married man and I don't work in ESL or Korea, not enough money in it to support a family.
All the best. Hope you make the decision which is best for you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
metalhead
Joined: 18 May 2010
Location: Toilet
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:19 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| One thing to bear i mind is that Korea is an incredibly sexist country, it's pretty likely that you will have some 'issues' with Korean men during your stay in Korea, as in sexual harassment issues and other issues of that nature. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
misher
Joined: 14 Oct 2008
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 5:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
My family never gave me a bad time about it. They thought it was actually cool that I was living in another country. It's certainly an opportunity that wasn't available for them when they were my age.
That being said they were concerned anout EFL as a career choice. They knew it has become a dead end in N America and although you can make it work abroad, they weren't exactly thrilled that I would have to be moving around from contract to contract until I was grey. The kind of lifestyle doesn't make it easy to have kids either. However they were supportive.
I liked living abroad. I just don't want to be at the whim of a company in that culture that tolerates shadiness. I'd just prefer to work for North Americans. In other words, I don't want to work for Koreans, Saudis, Emiratis etc.
If there was one thing that I heard so many times in Korea from efl teachers it was "I love living in Korea, I could live here long term. I just HATE teaching English here."
Another thing is that people I knew that had no qualms about living abroad teaching English until they were grey usually had a) horrible relationships with their families. The further away they were, the better. And b) came from dilapidated towns in the UK which offered nothing. I couldn't blame them for their exodus. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
schwa
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: Yap
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:17 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I did this upside down, having to break it to my grown-up kids that I was moving across the Pacific. They were supportive.
Stretching out the family has broadened us all. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Mikejelai
Joined: 01 Nov 2009
Location: Seoul
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| no drugs in Korea?? did you forget about the cigarettes and alcohol?? both are classified as drugs and are among the leading causes of death among Koreans..... |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
andrewchon
Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Location: Back in Oz. Living in ISIS Aust.
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Mikejelai wrote: |
| no drugs in Korea?? did you forget about the cigarettes and alcohol?? both are classified as drugs and are among the leading causes of death among Koreans..... |
Fake Outrage Score: 1/5 
Try again.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 11:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| forvalor wrote: |
| Not sure if you've confused me with someone else ... |
In her insecure rush to defend herself, she has pretty obviously confused and merged you (quoting your post, "Korean girlfriend of 4 years") and me, (other posters Internet stalking me, been in Korea over 5 years).
To answer her questions, I am in Korea because unlike many people here, I like it here (it still baffles me that so many people who hate it here come and stay). I make reasonable money. I like my job and my co-workers. I'm immersed in the language I'm learning. Far from having a Korean girlfriend I have not married, I have a Korean wife and children. Why do I prefer Korea to America? Why should I drag my family back to America? For the obesity, gun violence, drug epidemic, and ultra-divisive politics? For the inferior level of primary and secondary education? For the ultra-expensive healthcare? To interact in my workplace with neurotic people like those who freak out over my posts on this very forum? No, I am happy here, and more importantly, content enough in my choice to not be asking for advice on an Internet forum then trying to project my insecurities and doubts onto someone else when I get answers other than the one I'd like to hear.
I get the banal Internet stalkers fretting over what I say and bringing it up weeks or months later for the same reason I got this anxious response from the original poster: honesty can scar those who lie to themselves. I do not blame people for it, I know they cannot help themselves, but it's not admirable. If she wants to compare me and my family to some 40 year old and his prostitute to make herself feel better, that's fine: upset people are prone to such inane declarations. But regardless of what she tells herself, everything I have said to her was out of compassion, not "misogyny." I want her (and everyone here, even those who clearly wish me ill) to be reasonably happy and contented, and that means thinking carefully about the future. If she does not want my advice, that's fine, but asking for advice and them throwing a tantrum -- one so confused and emotional that she cannot even keep posters straight -- is not dignified. The details of my life are wholly irrelevant to her worries, and I offer them only because I've absolutely no reason to hide them (and besides, it's all pretty much posted in bits and pieces on this forum already). |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Ranman
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 9:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It means your family loves you and doesn't want to cope with you being on the other side of the world.
It's your life and your choices, but they're just gonna miss you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 1:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
| You seem really defensive and quick to judge. You'll fit right in. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
World Traveler
Joined: 29 May 2009
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 1:45 am Post subject: |
|
|
| misher wrote: |
| That being said they were concerned about EFL as a career choice. They knew it has become a dead end in N America |
What caused the decline? An over supply of TESOL MAs or new technology that could teach by machine what once required a person or what? Because on the surface it would appear it would be on the upswing because of all the immigrants coming to America (the land of opportunity). |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
recessiontime
Joined: 21 Jun 2010
Location: Got avatar privileges nyahahaha
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 3:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
I'd have failed as a parent and provider if my only child went to Korea for ESL. OP is also at or closing in on her expiration date. She probably cant cook or clean, isn't attractive, and her reproductive organs are of questionable fertility.
Best case scenario for her is getting pregnant with a wealthy man that can take of her instead of her trying to make it on her own. I'm sure her parents would be more than content with that. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Noella
Joined: 07 May 2010
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 6:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Take a job in the Middle East, OP. There are plenty to be had! I'm pretty sure your family will lay off of Korea then…
Ha ha… to whoever made the comment about their parents worrying that their organs would be stolen. I saw that movie too! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
OneWayTraffic
Joined: 14 Mar 2005
|
| Posted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 1:23 am Post subject: |
|
|
To the OP: My mother was convinced that it was going to be a huge mistake and everything was going to end poorly, based on a sample size of one person that had a bad experience here. My dad was just happy that I was getting a job and getting out of the rut I was in.
I spent eight years in Korea and used that time to earn good money, pay off my student loan, gather a fair bit of ambition, meet a woman and have children, and so on. I am now happily teaching Mathematics back in a NZ school.
I don't know why people judge ESL so harshly. It's not a bad life at all; there are many worse things you can do with your time than mold young minds. The world is a big place, and there's a need for all types of jobs. Some posters on here are very successful by any measuring stick, and others are just on an OE.
Also some normally quite reasonable people use Dave's as a forum to vent and let off steam, which makes their posts a bit more 'in your face' than you would otherwise expect. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
