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SeoulMan6
Joined: 27 Jul 2005
Location: Gangwon-do
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 Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2014 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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It's natural for young folks to seek advice from older, more experienced people. Heck, isn't that what this forum is about?
I often have students seeking advice from me, and I do my best to help, though without getting involved or being too one-sided. I like to show them options and make them think about consequences. Even by just talking things out they often see the right path to take.
This situation blew up in the OP's face, but I see nothing wrong with providing students with advice.
Good luck. |
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andrewchon
Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Location: Back in Oz. Living in ISIS Aust.
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| Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2014 7:04 pm Post subject: Re: Got involved in a student relationship |
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| Zackback wrote: |
Hear me out.
I hang outwith this guy in my university class. Real cool guy. The thing is though he was seeing a girl in the class I have with him and he complained to me about how awful she treats him. At first I just took it as just a chick being ornery once in awhile but his stories got more bizarre concerning her unstable and hostile behavior. So I got to the point of just telling him to get rid of her.
Finally, he made the right move and did.
So happens that she found out about what I told him. Now she is steamed at me. Got called in to the department head about this situation and man I'm like how did it ever come to this.
So where do you draw the line about something like this. I thought at first to just stay out of it but now that I see the guy he seems so relieved like a 100 pound weight is off his back. |
It seems the girlfriend is an NPD. In that case it is best to cut her off at once, damn the consequences. Sooner the better.  |
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I'm With You
Joined: 01 Sep 2011
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:50 am Post subject: Re: Got involved in a student relationship |
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| Zackback wrote: |
| Anyway yuo guys are missing out on establishing some real good friendships by refusing to hang out with your students. |
The last people I want to see off campus are my students - or staff, and many fellow teachers.
You're a disaster, man. I'm happy to hear, though, that it's finally catching up with you.
Remember: Students are not your friends. You are not their friend. |
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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 3:38 am Post subject: Re: Got involved in a student relationship |
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| I'm With You wrote: |
| You're a disaster, man. I'm happy to hear, though, that it's finally catching up with you. |
Catching up to me? Boss just slapped me on the wrist.
No biggie.
Could have been worse I guess.
Dodged another one though. |
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I'm With You
Joined: 01 Sep 2011
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 11:01 pm Post subject: Re: Got involved in a student relationship |
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| Zackback wrote: |
| I'm With You wrote: |
| You're a disaster, man. I'm happy to hear, though, that it's finally catching up with you. |
Catching up to me? Boss just slapped me on the wrist.
No biggie.
Could have been worse I guess.
Dodged another one though. |
Okay, so what was your slap on the wrist? |
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radcon
Joined: 23 May 2011
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 11:09 pm Post subject: |
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| The most bizarre part of this story is that the girlfriend felt that she could run to the college administration. Also that the administration listened to her at all. Even stranger is that the administration took the professor to task. " Why did you tell your student to break up with his girlfriend?" Just unfathomable. |
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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:42 am Post subject: Re: Got involved in a student relationship |
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| I'm With You wrote: |
| Zackback wrote: |
| I'm With You wrote: |
| You're a disaster, man. I'm happy to hear, though, that it's finally catching up with you. |
Catching up to me? Boss just slapped me on the wrist.
No biggie.
Could have been worse I guess.
Dodged another one though. |
Okay, so what was your slap on the wrist? |
First off I always try to get a female boss in her 30's or 40's. They know they are "old" compared to ya know the ones in their 20's so I just tell them how nice they look etc etc. etc - and quite often. For such chivalry punishment wasn't really anything..."umm don't do that ok"? stuff like that.
Last edited by Zackback on Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:46 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:44 am Post subject: |
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| radcon wrote: |
| The most bizarre part of this story is that the girlfriend felt that she could run to the college administration. Also that the administration listened to her at all. Even stranger is that the administration took the professor to task. " Why did you tell your student to break up with his girlfriend?" Just unfathomable. |
She thought i was gonna lower her grade or some nonsense like that - i actually gave her a slightly higher grade than i should have just to avoid this charge.
no matter what ya do sometimes women just ain't always gonna be happy. |
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Milwaukiedave
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Location: Goseong
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 6:02 am Post subject: |
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| I'm not going to troll into the OP's situation, but I will say one thing about being friends with students. I have maintained friendships with students, but mostly after they are done in my class. All of the students I've been friends with were male as there is less scrutiny involved than if I were friends with a female student. My point is I think it is ok to be friends with former students (even if they are still at the university you teaching at) as long as there are boundaries. |
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Stain
Joined: 08 Jan 2014
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 6:16 am Post subject: |
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| Zackback wrote: |
| radcon wrote: |
| The most bizarre part of this story is that the girlfriend felt that she could run to the college administration. Also that the administration listened to her at all. Even stranger is that the administration took the professor to task. " Why did you tell your student to break up with his girlfriend?" Just unfathomable. |
She thought i was gonna lower her grade or some nonsense like that - i actually gave her a slightly higher grade than i should have just to avoid this charge.
no matter what ya do sometimes women just ain't always gonna be happy. |
Good job. Although a higher grade than slightly higher would be better. Nice touch on the compliments of older co-workers. I believe you are home free, my friend. |
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Smithington
Joined: 14 Dec 2011
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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| radcon wrote: |
| The most bizarre part of this story is that the girlfriend felt that she could run to the college administration. Also that the administration listened to her at all. Even stranger is that the administration took the professor to task. " Why did you tell your student to break up with his girlfriend?" Just unfathomable. |
What's unfathomable is that you just referred to an ESL teacher as a "professor". Get a grip. |
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Smithington
Joined: 14 Dec 2011
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 4:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Stain wrote: |
| Zackback wrote: |
| radcon wrote: |
| The most bizarre part of this story is that the girlfriend felt that she could run to the college administration. Also that the administration listened to her at all. Even stranger is that the administration took the professor to task. " Why did you tell your student to break up with his girlfriend?" Just unfathomable. |
She thought i was gonna lower her grade or some nonsense like that - i actually gave her a slightly higher grade than i should have just to avoid this charge.
no matter what ya do sometimes women just ain't always gonna be happy. |
Good job. Although a higher grade than slightly higher would be better. Nice touch on the compliments of older co-workers. I believe you are home free, my friend. |
And this is (yet another reason) why I laugh at you characters calling yourselves 'professors." Professors are supposed to be professionals (hence those oddly similar- sounding words), not behave like shady used car salesmen. Not only do you not have the qualifications to be professors, but the cynical, under-handed behavior exhibited by Zackback just takes the proverbial cake. |
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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Smithington wrote: |
| Stain wrote: |
| Zackback wrote: |
| radcon wrote: |
| The most bizarre part of this story is that the girlfriend felt that she could run to the college administration. Also that the administration listened to her at all. Even stranger is that the administration took the professor to task. " Why did you tell your student to break up with his girlfriend?" Just unfathomable. |
She thought i was gonna lower her grade or some nonsense like that - i actually gave her a slightly higher grade than i should have just to avoid this charge.
no matter what ya do sometimes women just ain't always gonna be happy. |
Good job. Although a higher grade than slightly higher would be better. Nice touch on the compliments of older co-workers. I believe you are home free, my friend. |
And this is (yet another reason) why I laugh at you characters calling yourselves 'professors." Professors are supposed to be professionals (hence those oddly similar- sounding words), not behave like shady used car salesmen. Not only do you not have the qualifications to be professors, but the cynical, under-handed behavior exhibited by Zackback just takes the proverbial cake. |
Come see the filth of the apartment building they tried putting me in along with the stench right outside and then we can discuss about professionalism. |
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radcon
Joined: 23 May 2011
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| Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 12:14 am Post subject: |
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| Smithington wrote: |
| radcon wrote: |
| The most bizarre part of this story is that the girlfriend felt that she could run to the college administration. Also that the administration listened to her at all. Even stranger is that the administration took the professor to task. " Why did you tell your student to break up with his girlfriend?" Just unfathomable. |
What's unfathomable is that you just referred to an ESL teacher as a "professor". Get a grip. |
Oh I'm with you on that one. I work at a university and in no way, shape or form do I consider myself as professor. However I don't know the OP's credentials and he does work at a university so for the sake of brevity I used that term. |
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I'm With You
Joined: 01 Sep 2011
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| Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 11:29 am Post subject: |
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| Smithington wrote: |
| And this is (yet another reason) why I laugh at you characters calling yourselves 'professors." |
Smithington,
I applaud your good intentions here, but you're wrong.
Many outstanding professors, in all fields, have had affairs with their female students. This is the norm. It happens at every university, in every country.
In the pub one evening, and talking to a colleague whom I don't go out with very often, he mentioned that he has had relationships with students. I asked him how many and he told me several. However, a few of these sexual encounters were after the students had graduated. I was surprised, until I realized that other guys were doing this, also.
The preeminent philosopher A.J. Ayer slept with many of his students. So, whether you're a hack TEFL teacher at a Korean university or a world class scholar, men sleep with their students. Female students want to sleep with their male teachers.
And I know of one Canadian female university teacher who has / does sleeps with her male students when she can. |
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