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Living in Korea (but wanting little to do with Koreans).
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Scorpion



Joined: 15 Apr 2012

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:15 pm    Post subject: Living in Korea (but wanting little to do with Koreans). Reply with quote

When I first came to Korea some years ago I wanted the full immersion thing. For the first four months I avoided other foreigners. How things have changed. Now I go out of my way to avoid Koreans as much as possible. The differences in culture, manners, general etiquette and priorities are just too much. I am not ashamed to say that I do not like the culture, and try to avoid interaction with Koreans as much as possible. My question is this: those of you who have lived in other countries have you had similar attitudes towards the local population? If you did, why? If you did not, what is it about Korea that gets up so many Western peoples' noses? It's not that there aren't some good things about Korea, or even nice Koreans. There are...but it just seems that there is too much that is objectionable. I also find it's just not worth the effort to interact with Koreans. It's above my pay scale. I resolved long ago to do my job, pay my taxes, respect the laws of the country, but to have as little interaction with Koreans as possible. I think that, in the long term, this is the best survival technic for the long-term waygook.

Steelrails, would you agree?


Last edited by Scorpion on Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:39 pm; edited 2 times in total
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optik404



Joined: 24 Jun 2008

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

subtle troll bait post.
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Scorpion



Joined: 15 Apr 2012

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

optik404 wrote:
subtle troll bait post.


Wow. You showed up early there pal. How about expressing an opinion. Or should we just wait for SR to express your opinion for you?
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's interesting, the attitude you've expressed here in this post is more or less the primary complaint I hear individual Koreans articulating about foreigners. Not "They take our women," or, "They have AIDS," or, "They do drugs," or anything like that. Just this basic attitude you've outlined, the way in which foreigners come into the country, live here, work here, and do it while wanting more or less nothing to do with Korea's people or culture. I know it can be hard for westerners to deal with Korean culture, so I won't join in their condemnation of you; how you feel is understandable enough. I think how they feel is understandable enough as well though.
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optik404



Joined: 24 Jun 2008

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scorpion wrote:
optik404 wrote:
subtle troll bait post.


Wow. You showed up early there pal. How about expressing an opinion. Or should we just wait for SR to express your opinion for you?


It's pretty clear you're just trolling here.
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No_hite_pls



Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Location: Don't hate me because I'm right

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in Korea (but wanting nothing to do with Koreans) Reply with quote

Scorpion wrote:
When I first came to Korea some years ago I wanted the full immersion thing. For the first four months I avoided other foreigners. How things have changed. Now I go out of my way to avoid Koreans as much as possible. The differences in culture, manners, general etiquette and priorities are just too much. I am not ashamed to say that I do not like the culture, and try to avoid interaction with Koreans as much as possible. My question is this: those of you who have lived in other countries have you had similar attitudes towards the local population? If you did, why? If you did not, what is it about Korea that gets up so many Western peoples' noses? It's not that there aren't some good things about Korea, or even nice Koreans. There are...but it just seems that there is too much that is objectionable. I also find it's just not worth the effort to interact with Koreans. It's above my pay scale. I resolved long ago to do my job, pay my taxes, respect the laws of the country, but to have as little interaction with Koreans as possible. I think that, in the long term, this is the best survival technic for the long-term waygook.

Steelrails, would you agree?


It seems your attitude is a bit extreme.
I have always believed in moderation. Which means always having my own culture but trying to understand and experience the local culture.
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andrewchon



Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Location: Back in Oz. Living in ISIS Aust.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:39 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in Korea (but wanting nothing to do with Koreans) Reply with quote

Scorpion wrote:
... I think that, in the long term, this is the best survival technic for the long-term waygook.

Steelrails, would you agree?


Australian experience, particularly of immigrants that came after WW2 and were not of British culture, are similar. They all eventually figured out that they'll never be treated as 'one of us' or be considered a 'local'. They make their homes 'a little Italy', 'a little Greece' and so on. 2nd Gens have varyingly different experiences. So, you are not alone in your outcome or your opinion.
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Steelrails



Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:54 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in Korea (but wanting nothing to do with Koreans) Reply with quote

No_hite_pls wrote:


It seems your attitude is a bit extreme.
I have always believed in moderation. Which means always having my own culture but trying to understand and experience the local culture.


This man speaks wise. 3 drinking days with Koreans. 3 drinking days with NETs. 1 day of drinking alone. Moderation in all things.

Quote:
Steelrails, would you agree?


Not to bust out the old line, but dude, if its reached that point, its time to pack up and head home. Nothing good long-term can come of this. Either that or its time for therapy and a change in outlook.
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edwardcatflap



Joined: 22 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
It's interesting, the attitude you've expressed here in this post is more or less the primary complaint I hear individual Koreans articulating about foreigners. Not "They take our women," or, "They have AIDS," or, "They do drugs," or anything like that. Just this basic attitude you've outlined, the way in which foreigners come into the country, live here, work here, and do it while wanting more or less nothing to do with Korea's people or culture. .


Are you talking about learning the language? I can understand Koreans moaning about foreigners not doing that, it's an age old complaint in any country, but apart from that how would they know whether the foreigners they come across are integrating into society or not? If foreigners decide not to integrate, Koreans won't get to know them enough to find out whether they've integrated or not will they? Unless you're just talking about Koreans seeing a bunch of foreigners together on a night out and drawing conclusions that they only mix with their own kind. Or are you just talking about principals at schools complaining when teachers don't want to go on hweshiks or hiking weekends and that kind of thing?
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NohopeSeriously



Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Location: The Christian Right-Wing Educational Republic of Korea

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's like me, except that I only accept Koreans who go to my church or the affiliated churches. Pity the ROK (rest of Koreans).
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

edwardcatflap wrote:
Quote:
It's interesting, the attitude you've expressed here in this post is more or less the primary complaint I hear individual Koreans articulating about foreigners. Not "They take our women," or, "They have AIDS," or, "They do drugs," or anything like that. Just this basic attitude you've outlined, the way in which foreigners come into the country, live here, work here, and do it while wanting more or less nothing to do with Korea's people or culture. .


Are you talking about learning the language? I can understand Koreans moaning about foreigners not doing that, it's an age old complaint in any country, but apart from that how would they know whether the foreigners they come across are integrating into society or not?


These people were complaining about foreigners in their workplaces, not random foreigners on the street. Not learning the language was a part of it, though. A big part of it in fact.

edwardcatflap wrote:
Or are you just talking about principals at schools complaining when teachers don't want to go on hweshiks or hiking weekends and that kind of thing?


Less principals than other teachers. The Korean equivalent of the phrase "When in Rome" gets tossed around a lot. To be fair, I think such Koreans are often a little bit blind with regards to how they at times help bring about the very result they're lamenting.
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Who's Your Daddy?



Joined: 30 May 2010
Location: Victoria, Canada.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:07 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in Korea (but wanting nothing to do with Koreans) Reply with quote

Scorpion wrote:
I resolved long ago to...have as little interaction with Koreans as possible. I think that, in the long term, this is the best survival technic for the long-term waygook.


I have followed your strategy pretty much, and it may cause you to be quite lonely. And it is a difficult long-term strategy.

Do you have a good network of foreign friends that keeps replenishing? I've found that the longer I've been here the less I have in common with non-long term foreigners. As time goes by, the number of foreign friends declines as they move away. If you don't have Korean friends, you might end up with few friends.

[I teach four Korean adults individually, and actually they really improve the quality of my life here, because their level is high enough to chat.]

One of the reasons I want to leave Korea, is my life is too lonely (cue the violins). It sounds pathetic, but it's the truth. It's a conversation drought.


Last edited by Who's Your Daddy? on Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:15 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Scorpion



Joined: 15 Apr 2012

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in Korea (but wanting nothing to do with Koreans) Reply with quote

[quote="No_hite_pls"]
Scorpion wrote:
When I first came to Korea some years ago I wanted the full immersion thing. For the first four months I avoided other foreigners. How things have changed. Now I go out of my way to avoid Koreans as much as possible. The differences in culture, manners, general etiquette and priorities are just too much. I am not ashamed to say that I do not like the culture, and try to avoid interaction with Koreans as much as possible. My question is this: those of you who have lived in other countries have you had similar attitudes towards the local population? If you did, why? If you did not, what is it about Korea that gets up so many Western peoples' noses? It's not that there aren't some good things about Korea, or even nice Koreans. There are...but it just seems that there is too much that is objectionable. I also find it's just not worth the effort to interact with Koreans. It's above my pay scale. I resolved long ago to do my job, pay my taxes, respect the laws of the country, but to have as little interaction with Koreans as possible. I think that, in the long term, this is the best survival technic for the long-term waygook.


It seems your attitude is a bit extreme. quote]

The swing didn't happen overnight. It's not as if in February I wanted to hang only with Korerans, then in April it swung to only enjoying the company of foreigners. There was a significant transitional phase in between. Now I just can't handle the spitting, yelling, repetitive questions, hacking, table manners, confucianism and a host of other things. Christ, there was a thread last year about "things you will never get used to in Korea" and it was endless. It finally had to be locked by the mods. As a N. American, living in Korea is not akin to living in France or Austria. They are differerent countries, but Korea sometimes seems like a different planet. And unlike Spain or Switzerland, Korea drags behind in cultural development. It is a country with one foot in the 21st century and the other firmly set in the 14th century. Horking, snorting, hacking, spitting ajoshies with stone age attitudes. Who wants to be around that? When Korea makes a concerted effort to join the developed world, in more than a purely economic sense, then I might enjoy their company more. I have Gyopo friends and I like then a lot, but they are not culturally Korean and actually prefer hanging out with Westerners too. So it has nothing to do with race, and a whole lot to do with culture.

They need to take the skills they applied to modernizing their economy (which I give them great credit for) and apply them to modernizing their culture. Until then, I'm in no rush to have much to do with them. I'm polite with shop clerks, bus drivers, and I always tip taxi drivers well. I speak to my co-workers politely, and am polite with most everyone I encounter. I'm also quick to smile. But there's very few that I would like to spend an extended amount of time with.


Last edited by Scorpion on Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:13 pm; edited 2 times in total
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joelove



Joined: 12 May 2011

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seems reasonable to me if that's how you want to live. You're not doing anything wrong. It's pretty rich for Koreans to complain about foreigners doing this. I wonder what do most Koreans do in foreign countries. Isn't it hang out nearly exclusively with other Koreans? Eat food they're familiar with? Speak their own language as much as they can?

But it's not unusual for anyone to do this, seeing Chinese and Korean and Greek and Indian and Jewish and Arab areas and so on, exist in lots of big cities all over the world, don't they? Do what makes you comfortable. Most people do.
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Unposter



Joined: 04 Jun 2006

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think the OP's question is a good one; it is not trolling; it is called being honest.

IMHO, I think a lot of people have Scorpion's experiences and feelings. It is pretty normal.

A lot of people come to Korea or a place similar to it, full of dreams and positive intentions, only to find that it is a lot harder than they expected. Only to realize how much of their own culture they really are. They cannot get past their own cultural values, and/or their own worldview, and/or their own cultural expectations. There is a language barrier but often it is not the language, but the culture that really gets in the way of communication and understanding.

And, there is nothing wrong with that; it is normal.

All of us integrate to varying degrees. Some people are happy living in an English/Ex-pat bubble - nothing wrong with that either. Some people attempt deeper integration - nothing wrong with that as well. We all make out of our experiences what we can.

And, yes, Fox, is right that Koreans (probably) feel the same way. They want to be closer to us but they find some of our values, worldview and expectations, well, foreign. It is not easy to make friends with people who you don't share something in common with and the more you hold to your culture and not let go in the other culture, the less you have in common, thus it is easier to make friends with those who have traveled more widely or have actually lived in English speaking countries because they understand more of your culture.

Whether you decide to make the most of what you can here or decide it isn't worth the effort and pack up your bags is your choice. But, understanding and appreciating another culture and finding ways to communicate (as in deeply) with the people in it is not as easy as it sounds.

Personally, I have gone through feelings like you myself when I first arrived here. At first, I found Koreans much to socially conservative, and well, a little boring. Over time, I came to understand and appreciate more and more how Koreans socialize, and in some ways, it is different (though in some ways similar), I found that I could integrate a little more than before. Today, I don't think I integrate as much as some I know, and over time in the English/Ex-pat bubble not just fun but important, too. But, over time, I have found Korea a much easier place to live and interacting with the locals easier, and it is not just do to Korean Westernization, though it certainly doesn't hurt.
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