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le-paul
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre
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 Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 5:13 pm Post subject: Being ignored at work? |
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A study finds, its better to be bullied than ignored in the workplace.
''Being ignored at work is worse for physical and mental well-being than harassment or bullying, says a new study. Researchers found that while most consider ostracism less harmful than bullying, feeling excluded is significantly more likely to lead to job dissatisfaction, quitting and health problems. "We've been taught that ignoring someone is socially preferable -- if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all," says a co-author. "But ostracism actually leads people to feel more helpless, like they're not worthy of any attention at all."
(full article)
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/05/140529100715.htm |
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Stain
Joined: 08 Jan 2014
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 8:17 am Post subject: Re: Being ignored at work? |
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| le-paul wrote: |
A study finds, its better to be bullied than ignored in the workplace.
[i]''Being ignored at work is worse for physical and mental well-being than harassment or bullying, says a new study. Researchers found that while most consider ostracism less harmful than bullying, feeling excluded is significantly more likely to lead to job dissatisfaction, quitting and health problems. "We've been taught that ignoring someone is socially preferable -- if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all," says a co-author. "But ostracism actually leads people to feel more helpless, like they're not worthy of any attention
(full article)
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/05/140529100715.htm |
What I wouldn't give to be ignored at work. |
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le-paul
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 12:19 pm Post subject: |
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its not all its cracked up to be.
I worked in an academy in Daegu a few years back where the female ko teachers hated foreigners. They would hide away every day, and stuff their faces ordering food and never inviting me. Then they would sit in their little cubby hole, gossiping and sometimes bitching about me and how they hated foreigners etc.
I know they were doing this because I was secretly dating one of them and she had to sit silently listening to this every day.
I pretty much wanted all of their children to walk backwards at the time.
I realised since then after talking to other foreign teachers, its not all that uncommon to be ignored by your ko teachers - specifically females. |
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PigeonFart
Joined: 27 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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It probably depends on the extent of ignoring.
If i asked a coworker for help with a paper jammed photocopier and she ignored me then i'd be angry (rightly so) given that her ignoring me was an impediment to my job. That's ignorning someone on a professional level, and totally unacceptable.
If she ignores me by offering food to others and not to me, then i could live quite happily with that. That's ignoring somebody on a social level. Given my introverted personality i wouldn't be as sensitive as others in this particular case.
So as long as work related interactions are not ignored, then fine. Personal level interactions (being invited to parties, partaking in chit-chat, etc) would be less important to me. That's just a personality thing. |
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radcon
Joined: 23 May 2011
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 6:44 pm Post subject: |
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| If it's a McJob than I say ignore away and just pay me on time. If you are a junior associate at a law firm hoping to advance some day, then yes, being ignored will be problematic. |
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Chaparrastique
Joined: 01 Jan 2014
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Expats are effectively ignored due to the language barrier. Helps to explain all the angst and stress waegs tend to go through here. |
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joelove
Joined: 12 May 2011
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Being ignored is often OK, but when it comes to not being updated on important stuff, not so good. Having worked numerous jobs in Asia, it was sort of surprising how often us foreigners were left out of the loop because either it was considered unimportant or the locals were still uncomfortable with us despite years of experience working with foreigners and competency in English. |
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EZE
Joined: 05 May 2012
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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| joelove wrote: |
| Being ignored is often OK, but when it comes to not being updated on important stuff, not so good. Having worked numerous jobs in Asia, it was sort of surprising how often us foreigners were left out of the loop because either it was considered unimportant or the locals were still uncomfortable with us despite years of experience working with foreigners and competency in English. |
^This.
Being ignored is generally no big deal to me, but I'm starting to get a little apprehensive about an elevated level of it from my boss over the past two or three weeks. Since I have 38 days left on my current contract (my second year at the hagwon), I'm starting to get worried that it may have something to do with my severance pay or, more likely, pension. Last month, my boss said the pension office called. When I asked her about the details, everything seemed okay, but just based on how much she's ignoring me lately, I just know something is wrong about something. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the pension office yanks several million won out of my bank account in the near future. |
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le-paul
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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| EZE wrote: |
| joelove wrote: |
| Being ignored is often OK, but when it comes to not being updated on important stuff, not so good. Having worked numerous jobs in Asia, it was sort of surprising how often us foreigners were left out of the loop because either it was considered unimportant or the locals were still uncomfortable with us despite years of experience working with foreigners and competency in English. |
^This.
Being ignored is generally no big deal to me, but I'm starting to get a little apprehensive about an elevated level of it from my boss over the past two or three weeks. Since I have 38 days left on my current contract (my second year at the hagwon), I'm starting to get worried that it may have something to do with my severance pay or, more likely, pension. Last month, my boss said the pension office called. When I asked her about the details, everything seemed okay, but just based on how much she's ignoring me lately, I just know something is wrong about something. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the pension office yanks several million won out of my bank account in the near future. |
Thats an old jedi mind trick - sounds like shes distancing herself from you so that she can drop a bomb on you later.
Could I offer some advice? On Monday, take some doughnuts/a water melon in for her and the staff. When you do it, make happy, small talk with her and compliment something. That will set her back a few weeks. Then do it again in 2 weeks. |
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maitaidads
Joined: 08 Oct 2012
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 11:51 pm Post subject: |
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| le-paul wrote: |
its not all its cracked up to be.
Then they would sit in their little cubby hole, gossiping and sometimes bitching about me and how they hated foreigners etc.
I know they were doing this because I was secretly dating one of them and she had to sit silently listening to this every day. |
I imagine you were "dating" a manipulator, and none of those lunchroom conversations ever took place. |
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le-paul
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 6:31 am Post subject: |
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| maitaidads wrote: |
| le-paul wrote: |
its not all its cracked up to be.
Then they would sit in their little cubby hole, gossiping and sometimes bitching about me and how they hated foreigners etc.
I know they were doing this because I was secretly dating one of them and she had to sit silently listening to this every day. |
I imagine you were "dating" a manipulator, and none of those lunchroom conversations ever took place. |
I re-read your comment just now and edited my response.
i think credit where credit is due, it takes some skill and self awareness to be a manipulator - or at least ignorance on the other parties part.
i dont think korean girls have the 'tools' to manipulate people on a deep level. It is very direct and childish like stamping your feet, sulking, making cute face, crying etc. Usually, this is enough to throw korean men/other girls. I also find Korean girls to be very gossipy.
having worked in the field of psychiatry for some years, Im astounded to see people attempting such cheap tricks, but they do seem to work here. However, not on me - in fact I find it insulting that girls (and boys too) believe i would be taken in by that crap. |
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Chaparrastique
Joined: 01 Jan 2014
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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| le-paul wrote: |
| i dont think korean girls have the 'tools' to manipulate people on a deep level. . |
IMO K-women suffer from a lack of self-determination or self-realization due to the historic male-domination. They have had to rely for getting what they want by manipulating men.Even now they are are still deeply programmed into fawning and deferring to men the whole time, because the korean male ego has become so oversized and fragile. K-men have become programmed to crave attention and adulation to feed their egos, hence they're vulnerable to flattery and manipulation. It doesn't take much.
This has led to a certain dishonesty. K- women have become expert at presenting a certain front to satisfy the male world yet getting their own way behind the scenes. Are they master manipulators? i don't think so. but they have become decietful by default. its a bit like the s.n.i.p rule. It can be frustrating because they rarely express themselves directly, and it van be hard to know what they are truly thinking. The whole Korean nation has had to manipulate their larger neighbours for centuries in order to survive. Thus the huge emphasis on secrecy and politics in society here, the never-ending smoke and mirrors. It makes them difficult to work with, it makes them hard to trust. The hidden agendas, the subterfuge, the intrigue.
In a society where face is everything, being direct or confrontational is too risky. They communicate by not-communicating. If you speak your mind, the relationship may be destroyed forever. Hence misunderstandings persist, resentments fester, things do not get corrected. Very childish to an up-front westerner, but they seem determined to expend vast amounts of energy playing these sorts of games. |
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candy bar
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Chaparrastique wrote: |
| le-paul wrote: |
| i dont think korean girls have the 'tools' to manipulate people on a deep level. . |
IMO K-women suffer from a lack of self-determination or self-realization due to the historic male-domination. They have had to rely for getting what they want by manipulating men.Even now they are are still deeply programmed into fawning and deferring to men the whole time, because the korean male ego has become so oversized and fragile. K-men have become programmed to crave attention and adulation to feed their egos, hence they're vulnerable to flattery and manipulation. It doesn't take much.
This has led to a certain dishonesty. K- women have become expert at presenting a certain front to satisfy the male world yet getting their own way behind the scenes. Are they master manipulators? i don't think so. but they have become decietful by default. its a bit like the s.n.i.p rule. It can be frustrating because they rarely express themselves directly, and it van be hard to know what they are truly thinking. The whole Korean nation has had to manipulate their larger neighbours for centuries in order to survive. Thus the huge emphasis on secrecy and politics in society here, the never-ending smoke and mirrors. It makes them difficult to work with, it makes them hard to trust. The hidden agendas, the subterfuge, the intrigue.
In a society where face is everything, being direct or confrontational is too risky. They communicate by not-communicating. If you speak your mind, the relationship may be destroyed forever. Hence misunderstandings persist, resentments fester, things do not get corrected. Very childish to an up-front westerner, but they seem determined to expend vast amounts of energy playing these sorts of games. |
… in other words, a nation of liars. |
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le-paul
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:38 am Post subject: |
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| Chaparrastique wrote: |
| le-paul wrote: |
| i dont think korean girls have the 'tools' to manipulate people on a deep level. . |
IMO K-women suffer from a lack of self-determination or self-realization due to the historic male-domination. They have had to rely for getting what they want by manipulating men.Even now they are are still deeply programmed into fawning and deferring to men the whole time, because the korean male ego has become so oversized and fragile. K-men have become programmed to crave attention and adulation to feed their egos, hence they're vulnerable to flattery and manipulation. It doesn't take much.
This has led to a certain dishonesty. K- women have become expert at presenting a certain front to satisfy the male world yet getting their own way behind the scenes. Are they master manipulators? i don't think so. but they have become decietful by default. its a bit like the s.n.i.p rule. It can be frustrating because they rarely express themselves directly, and it van be hard to know what they are truly thinking. The whole Korean nation has had to manipulate their larger neighbours for centuries in order to survive. Thus the huge emphasis on secrecy and politics in society here, the never-ending smoke and mirrors. It makes them difficult to work with, it makes them hard to trust. The hidden agendas, the subterfuge, the intrigue.
In a society where face is everything, being direct or confrontational is too risky. They communicate by not-communicating. If you speak your mind, the relationship may be destroyed forever. Hence misunderstandings persist, resentments fester, things do not get corrected. Very childish to an up-front westerner, but they seem determined to expend vast amounts of energy playing these sorts of games. |
Well put. |
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