Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Speck7]

I have been here since Jan. 2010. I recently went back home a few months ago and for the first time it was kind of awkward to see some of my best buddies.

Since I've moved to Korea I have gotten married, of course matured, had a baby, have a place of my own paying bills etc.

I just don't know what it is. Maybe as we get older our ideas of friendship and who we chose to associate with change. They're still doing their thing, in an American way of thinking while being in Korea has sort of made me less of an "American" in terms of wanting to get wasted, do drugs (well at least that was what was going on where I was from)....

Again, I think the biggest factor here is maturity. But maybe the time away from my best of friends have in some way damaged our relationship. Thought it would never happen, but I just don't feel that close bond anymore. Maybe if I moved back home that would all change, or maybe it wouldn't.


It's sort of sad tbh.

[optik404]

Do you keep in touch with them somewhat regularly?

[Speck7]

Yeah I do through facebook.

[northway]

I'm not sure if you can cite getting wasted as a specifically American pastime when Korea is the counterpoint.

[Speck7]

[isitts]

[Sesame]

Im with the OP on this. I can personally testify that this has happened with 2 really good friends back home. It just feels forced when we meet up. They've made new close buddies, and have their things going on and I think they pretty much move on without you. Of course you move on without them, too.

Things like this happen, it's not the end of the world though. And I was really close to my one buddy, been friends for 17 years, but there's a HUGE maturity process that takes place from 25-32 (that we both went through apart away from each other on opposite sides of the world). You are teenager still at 25, think like one at least. At 32 you are more of an adult and being married with kids amplifies that.

[Chaucer]

Yep, it's the curse of the expat. Once you drift away from all (or almost all) of your friends back home (because FB and email aren't enough, and when you go back you can't go to LA, SF, NYC, DC, Miami, and Toronto to see everyone) though, the even worse thing sets in--the departure of friends here. Had one friend of ten years in the ROK leave--that was someone I hadn't know in hs or college, but someone with whom I shared a lot here. Now, I hear about life in the ME but we've drifted apart as well.

[neilio]

Well, depends on how close. Do you drift from family? Cause a lot of my good friends I consider as close as family, and I can't see time affecting that.


It's just a matter of emotional connections.

For me at least.

[PRagic]

Depends on how old you are. Even locally, friends can drift apart after university, or even older friends for that matter, once work and family set in. New circles of friends emerge as a natural consequence of changing situations.

Doesn't mean that you can't keep the old friends you have, though, especially if you have covered a lot of common ground. I have buddies from HS, buddies from university, and buddies from my time in the Army, all of whom I try to keep up with if even only a few times a year. Some I get to visit regularly when I'm back for a vacation. In the mean time, I'm fortunate enough to have a tight group of expat friends here in Seoul.

[Who's Your Daddy?]

[Speck7]

Nope, never drifted apart from family

[Weigookin74]

It depends on whether they were real friends or just drinking buddies. There are plenty I keep in regular contact with via facebook. A few guys I worked with for a couple of years and then re connected via facebook after I got over here. Facebook got big shortly after I got over here. I think in the west folsk joined facebook in droves in 2007 while koreans joined in droves in 2010. Anyways, lots of us keep in contact and crack jokes via each other pages all the time. Others you fall out of touch with because asides from boozing, you never had much in common anyhow. The guys I'm closest too we clicked with our humor or other things. I have one friend who has almost joined the ranks of the elite in my old hometown starting a small business and all of a suddetn rolling in the dough the last couple of years. We'd prob fall out of touch and be guilty of ending up in different circles if we hadn't of clicked when we were younger and shared a similiar warped sense of humor. But, that's one of the few cases of us being in different circles and still hanging out. Lots of others, we would deliberately fall out of touch and not have much in common anymore. Usually we were bound together by getting drunk and hitting on chicks. Nothing to really bind us.

Admittedly, some of my friends have gone on to great success (way more than I thought when I first met them). Some other friends haven't amounted to much and seem to be financial losers, though are great guys. (The economy does suck bad where I'm from so that's partly to blame.)

[Weigookin74]

Just as an example, me and a buddy that I worked with back in 2002 when we were both young turks were cracking jokes on some facebook goof site this past weekend. ha ha.

[Hokie21]

You've been in Korea for over 4 years and wonder why you and your friends have drifted apart?

You're no longer part of the group. You decided to move to the other side of the world. They have other friends they hang out with on a regular basis. Basically they've forgotten about you.

When we are over here in Korea a lot of us think about the life we left behind in Korea...the food, our cars, our family, our friends.

Our friends still have 99% of their friends.....most of them aren't thinking about the 1% who left.