Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Sadebugo1]

This is a serious subject so I hope no one tries to make light of it. I used to teach in a university in Korea. As many of you know, Korean students like to take their instructors out for dinner, etc. Of course, I experienced this many times while there although I tried to limit it as much as possible for professional reasons. Since I had to grade these students, I wanted to keep a bit of a distance between myself and them.

Anyway, one group of female students in particular began to come to my office almost daily and invite me out habitually. Sometimes, I would accept and other times I would claim to be busy. They were exceptional students so improving their grades was never a motive. Eventually, I realized that they genuinely liked me and that was the reason for their visits. Ultimately, I became very close to them and kept in touch with them after I left Korea.

Well, yesterday, one of the students asked me a very delicate question through e-mail. She wanted to borrow money from me. Apparently, her family has come upon tough times and the creditors are threatening them. They are on the verge of being evicted from their home. I want to help, but I'm not sure if I should/can. I just bought some property in the US and began a new job so I'm pretty much tapped out for a few more months anyway. Also, she didn't specify how much she needed, but I assume it would be as much as I could spare.

The dilemma is this . . . I like this student a lot and consider her a close friend. I'm just not sure how to handle the situation. I want to maintain the friendship, but not helping in a dire time of need may affect it. I need to write her back and explain things to her. I guess honesty is the best policy. Have any of you dealt with a similar situation? Can you give me some good advice?

Thanks for any help.

[Crois]

I'd say no.

How long ago was the last time you spoke to her or saw her?
Just say sorry.

[kangnamdragon]

I never lend money to friends. I give it to them. If I get it back then it is a bonus. I'd say, if you cannot afford to lose the money, don't lend it. It does not sound like you can afford it, so you'll have to tell her that you cannot help her. Offer emotional support and help her think of ideas on how to get money in Korea.

[just because]

Sadebugo,

I think you have already decided basically that the risk is too great to lend the money.

I don't mean to sound like a smart alek and I advise you to go with your gut but should she really be asking you for a sizeable amount of money in the first place????

I'm sure there are plenty of other people closer to home that could help her out, this is what rang some alarm bells for me.

[the saint]

[Harin]

[canuckistan]

[hellofaniceguy]

The NUMBER ONE RULE for lending money...
only lend what you can afford to lose.
9 times out of 10, you WON'T get it back and you'll '' have to hound the person to return your money."
If you're friend's family has no family to help them out in korea....
well...
you won't get it back.
If your student is a friend, they would NOT be asking such a thing from you.
But hey, it's your money.
If you say no, you'll see how good of a friend this student is. And if you say no and this student is still friends, then they are a true friend.

[waterbaby]

[Sadebugo1]

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful comments. I've already e-mailed my friend and explained that I'm not in a financial position at this time to make that amount of loan. I also offered emotional support as some of you suggested. Whatever happens, I feel I've done the right thing.

This episode really highlights for me the despair that money problems in Korea can cause. None of you read the request I received, but it was frantic in tone! Apparently, Korean creditors show no mercy and there is no other recourse except to pay. At least in the West, you can file bankruptcy and protect your home and mode of transportation. In Korea, you may be on the streets starving after a few days.

Again, thanks for your genuine concern.

[itaewonguy]

If its a friend lend the money!!
what you guys telling me if you friend ask you for 10bucks you would say NO sorry I dont lead money!.. what if you needed 10bucks cuz you lost your wallet or you just taped out at the mo! and your friend sad sorry I dont lend money to friends!
COME ON! its your friend you lend money! thats what friends are for..
people you can count on.. we not talking about aquaintances...
ITS YOUR FRIENDS!! and its there responsibity to remember to pay you back.. if that person doesnt pay you back then you dont lend money anymore..

now in this case...
she will probably be asking you 1 million.. in this case its its up to you..
like the other guy said.. lend what you a prepared to part with..
also whats her loyalty to you...
you know her best..
found out how much she wants..

[Sadebugo1]

Itaewonguy,

Although I don't know the exact amount, it would have been enough to totally pay off a loan that had been secured by a house in Seoul. I'm certain that that is more than I currently have.

I agree that you try to help friends, but this is more than helping someone who forgot their wallet or needs to make it to the next paycheck. The amount would have been in the tens of thousands of dollars.

Still, I understand where you're coming from.

[kangnamdragon]

[jajdude]

I agree with the above. Give or don't give. Don't lend. Expectation of repayment, undone, breaks the heart.

[Blind Willie]

The quickest way to lose a friendship is to hand large sums of money around.