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Poker-Guy
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: Seoul
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 Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 7:45 am Post subject: Guilt Trips From Home |
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My family is driving me batty!
The whole clan is trying to get me to move back home and they have pulled out all of the stops to get me to do it.
My grandparents keep telling me they will die soon, my mother hums and has about how far away I am, and my sisters think I am completely loopy for not settling down to a 'normal' life in Canada.
It's nice to feel wanted, but this is really getting on my nerves.
Do any of you have this problem? 
Could you let me in on the most outrageous things your family and friends have done to try and get you to move back home? |
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Harin
Joined: 03 May 2004
Location: Garden of Eden
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| Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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yes, I do have the same problem, but my family is one of the major reasons as to why I left Korea. So, their tearful bs stories don't work for me.  |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 1:46 pm Post subject: |
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| All of the people of a similar age in my family are starting to settle down, do the marry, kids, white picket fence thing. My mother is starting to ask when she'll be a grandmother. |
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frogrocket
Joined: 29 May 2004
Location: Tiny Monkey Ville S. Korea
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| Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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I'm the opposite!
My family is telling me to enjoy this...I'm ready to jump on the next plane home!
I have a countdown until I get to go back home!
67 days!  |
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ThePoet
Joined: 15 May 2004
Location: No longer in Korea - just lurking here
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| Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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I have a sort of self-imposed guilt trip.
My mom is 75 and before I left I was really the only one of three brothers who really looked after her. Now I talk to her every week and catch up on the latest news from home but its apparent to me that she is starting to have problems getting around and shopping and moving about.
I love it here in Korea and want to stay a few years, but part of my mind keep saying I should go back and make sure mom is ok. One brother lives 900 miles away which is why it would be difficult for him to look after her and the other one had a stroke about 5 years ago and he cannot get around much either, so it was just the luck of the draw that I started driving her places and getting things done for her.
Every time I talk to her she is so happy that I am getting the experiences and travelling that I always wanted to do when younger. She never once says I should come back home, so its not like anyone there is giving me these guilty feelings.
well...its nice to know I am not the only one who is getting the guilty feelings.
Have a good day. |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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Be grateful for the pressure, the guiding and secure influence of your parents and family.
My parents passed away when I was young and I've generally had not much contact with my family since. Which is probably one reason why I've been free to make multiple mistakes, big mistakes, and had no help or guidance along the way- nor much direction.... If I had a close and "influential " family, i probably wouldn't be out here at the age of 31, I'd probably be in some secure career job with a family of my own in the west.
No regrets, but parental pressure certainly keeps you on the straight and narrow. |
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Poker-Guy
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 9:41 pm Post subject: GUILT |
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| No regrets, but parental pressure certainly keeps you on the straight and narrow. |
Amen!
It is good to hear that other people are in the same situation that I am.
However, I think I have a double problem. My family rides me about my choice to be here, and, similar to The Poet, I have a bit of a self-imposed guilt trip going as well.
Hell, I go home twice a year and spend 3 months there annually.
But I still feel guilty. |
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PatrickSiheung
Joined: 21 May 2003
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| Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 2:19 am Post subject: |
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| rapier wrote: |
No regrets, but parental pressure certainly keeps you on the straight and narrow. |
OMG! I always thought this expression was "straightened Arrow."
Wow... I think it makes much more sense now
Anyway, I feel a bit guilty sometimes too. But not because of anything my folks do. I'm from Ottawa Ontario and even when I leave Korea, my wife and I want to move to Vancouver. We've had enough of the crazy winters and blazing summers for a while.
They don't say anything, but we're close with my family and it's difficult for us to move across the country.
It's hard because life is short. You want to enjoy yourself and see the world but you also want to stay close with family. No matter where you are, you're missing something  |
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chinook
Joined: 17 Mar 2004
Location: canada
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| Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 7:38 am Post subject: |
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| my parents are generally cool about the fact that I don't ever intend to live near them again. however, every once and awhile I get a bit of a guilt trip. last fall my mum and I were in a car together, during a two month stint of living in the same city for once and she said to me "do you really intend to have grandchildren of mine that live so far away I will never get to see them?" yep, i do. and i feel bad, as my decision does affect my family. however, i have no regrets about what i intend to do and i have always been really upfront with them. it is unfortunate that there are negative side effects to my life choices, but that doesn't mean i'm going to change them. |
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matthewwoodford
Joined: 01 Oct 2003
Location: Location, location, location.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 7:57 am Post subject: |
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| rapier wrote: |
Be grateful for the pressure, the guiding and secure influence of your parents and family.
My parents passed away when I was young and I've generally had not much contact with my family since. Which is probably one reason why I've been free to make multiple mistakes, big mistakes, and had no help or guidance along the way- nor much direction.... If I had a close and "influential " family, i probably wouldn't be out here at the age of 31, I'd probably be in some secure career job with a family of my own in the west.
No regrets, but parental pressure certainly keeps you on the straight and narrow. |
If it makes you feel any better rapier, I have an extremely close family and had parental pressure at least from my Mum to go get a career type job yet here I am anyway and no regrets (despite also making multiple mistakes along the way).
Nevertheless, my sister, bless her, pulled a few emotional strings to get me to move back home last year and if there's one thing I do regret it's not being within easier visiting distance of family out here. |
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captain kirk
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2004 6:28 am Post subject: |
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I remarked that not many foreigners on the street seem to want to meet and the guy I was talking to said, 'a lot of people teach in Korea to be left alone'. Solitude. Privacy. OMG, 'obscurity'.
My mom has my younger sister's children as grandchildren and my younger brother now has a youngun. One communication she remarked how her 'news of family goings on is probably of minimal interest to me' which is rather passive aggressive now, isn't it  .
So you've got your privacy here to change your world, 'remake it', progress, regress, whatever you have the whimsy/guts/stomach for. |
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