Korean Job Discussion Forums

rapier · Joined: 16 Feb 2003

Have any of you encountered this when dating women here? I've been on 3 first dates with 3 diff. women in the past couple months which involved the chaperone situation: the girl brings usually one or two of her best friends/sister on the first date, and sometimes the second...but never the third. I've had more dates where this doesn't happen, but it still seems to be a persistent feature of dating more "traditional" Koreans.
Strikes me as a somehow unadventurous and tamed-down version of what it should be. Its not intimidating, but it probably could be to most people. But it does hamper and reduce what should be an exciting time to a tame family day out... and certainly leaves me in no mood to indulge in anything more than easygoing civilised conversation..
I haven't come across this much in other countries, seems to be a standard thing here..like the woman is either nervous/afraid to be alone with you, or she values the opinion of her friends/family about you more than her own.. Just seems a bit like 13yr old behavior to me..I'm not angry, just kind of annoyed, because the whole safe wholesomeness of it kinda kills the buzz/attraction for me.
What do you think?

kiwiboy_nz_99 · Joined: 05 Jul 2003 Location: ...Enlightenment...

It's not really about the other girls protecting the girl from your evil advances. It's just about how it looks to outsiders. If she goes alone with you on the first date, it looks a bit loose to some people.

I'd cut and run. You're talking about the conservative end of the spectrum. Could be months before you get nooky, if ever ...

hellofaniceguy · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Location: On your computer screen!

It all depends on how her first reaction and or first impression is of you.
I have never experienced the "chaperone' date. Had I....I would have told the date..."sorry, but good bye. I asked you on a date...not your friends."
If she is taking a "chaperone," seems to me she is inmature little girl and not a woman.
As for nooky....women are the same in every country! korea is NO different! If the two of you click...and she is interested in you, finds you decent, etc...you turn her on, finds you attractive....could be tonight that you go for it!
Look at all the love hotels in korea! They are for a reason! Many one night stands in korea! Many!
But..ditch her if she brings a chaperone. In most cases she won't be worth the effort. Find a woman who can think for herself!

FUBAR · Joined: 21 Oct 2003 Location: The Y.C.

If she asks to bring her friend, tell her no. Tell her, that you once you get know her better, she can invite you to her friends. If she insists on brining her friends cut your losses quickly unless you really like her.

ryleeys · Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Location: Columbia, MD

kiwiboy_nz_99 · Joined: 05 Jul 2003 Location: ...Enlightenment...

FUBAR · Joined: 21 Oct 2003 Location: The Y.C.

Butterfly · Joined: 02 Mar 2003 Location: Kuwait

Gollum · Joined: 04 Sep 2003 Location: Japan

There can be a number of reasons for this, but the strange thing is that in 2 1/2 years, I've never had a date pull the Chaperone thing on me for the first date. Only on a "meeting" date. I know people do it sometimes, though.

Do you have piercings, freaky hair, tattoos, or anything else that might scare the girl?

kangnamdragon · Joined: 17 Jan 2003 Location: Kangnam, Seoul, Korea

sparkx · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: thekimchipot.com

Just bang the chaperone...that'll teach her never to bring her skanky little friend with her on dates.

crazylemongirl · Joined: 23 Mar 2003 Location: almost there...

sistersarah · Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Location: hiding out

my boyfriend has been the chaperone for some of his friends that he's set up on blind dates. maybe what i'm talking about differs from the OP....i think the purpose of him coming along isn't to "chaperone" but just to introduce, make the situation more comfortable....not sure really. he said that once he sees if they're getting along really well, he'll take off and leave them alone. maybe it's different for the girls involved.

Swiss James · Joined: 26 Nov 2003 Location: Shanghai

Seems to me that the classy thing to do for a girl who feels worried would be to have her friend hang around the same venue but not make herself known unless things were going badly.

Or just carry mace.

casey's moon · Joined: 14 Sep 2004 Location: Daejeon

I think Sistersarah is right. Actually, when my (now husband) and I first started flirting, he asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee with himelf and a female professor (both were students in my conversation class). Later, he told me it was mostly because he wasn't 100% positive that I wanted to go on a romantic date with him and he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable. If I was a Korean woman, that gesture would have totally put me at ease and taken the pressure off. Since I'm not Korean, it kind of confused me... but it didn't annoy me!

However, this thread kind of annoys me. If you're in Korea and you want to date Koreans, you should be willing to accept Korean dating culture, at least to some extent-- especially something as insignificant as a friend tagging along for a date or two. What's the big deal?

Also, in my opinion it is not appropriate to make moves on a Korean date until you've gone out at least three or four times, and even then take it slow. I know there are exceptions, but generally speaking Koreans move slower than westerners. Most haven't had a lot of experience dating -- this is partly due to the segregated school system.

You're in a foreign country! The culture is different here!!! I think we have to respect that if we want to live and love here. Let the friend come! If the friend keeps coming date after date, take the hint that your date isn't interested in being more than friends.