Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Wangja]

post 'em here ... I'll start.

The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British governments 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ unemployable scousers.

The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed Liverpool youths were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech gear.

This was thought to be an excellent, yet bold move, by Ferrari Management. As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for at the crew's first practice session, not only were the Scousers Pit Crew able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, rebadged and sold the vehicle over to the MacLaren Team for four bottles of Stella, a gram of speed and a quick shufti at Coulthard's bird in the shower.

[Buff]

How do you get a clown out of a swing???

Hit him in the face with an axe.

[Wangja]

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.







One to change the bulb and the other to translate it into French.

[Wangja]

Son - . Why must we put on our pants one leg at a time?

Dad - . If we jumped into our pants, simultaneously placing both legs in at one time, we would land heavily on the ground. As a majority of us are getting dressed at the same time of the morning, the cumulative effect would Cause an earth tremor. Due to the use of time zones, the tremor established in Eastern Time would arrive in the central zone at precisely the moment all those people were jumping into their pants. The tremor would increase in size exponentially, and proceed west to combine with the mountain zone folks as they get dressed.

As this cycle encircles the globe, it would feed upon the next day's tremor and eventually cause the earth's crust to break apart and float into space.
This is why we put our pants on one leg at a time.

[The Cube]

..

[helly]

A family goes into a talent agent's office...................


.............."The Aristocrats."


Fill in the blanks.

[Wangja]

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Two, but how the fu*k they got in there is beyond me!

[Wangja]

and one for our French friends ...

Un homme en tres mauvais etat se presente chez St-Pierre, apres une mort apparemment violente. Celui-ci demande :- " Mais qu'est ce qui s'est passe? "

L'homme explique :

- " J'etais guide de safari en Afrique et j'accompagnais un groupe de femmes, 6 blondes et une brune. En traversant un pont de lianes au-dessus d'une rivière infestée de crocodiles, un coup de vent nous a fait basculer. On a tous reussi a se retenir aux cordages. Nous etions suspendus en l'air et comme le pont menacait de lacher a cause du poids, Il fallait que quelqu'un se sacrifie. Comme j'etais le seul homme... "

Et St-Pierre fier d'accueillir un homme si courageux l'envoie directement au Paradis ! Dix minutes plus tard, St-Pierre voit debarquer un troupeau de blondes dans le meme etat que l'homme qu'il vient de conduire au Paradis.

Il demande immediatement aux arrivantes :- " Mais ce brave homme qui s'est sacrifie, a-t-il donc fait ca pour rien? "

L'une des blondes explique :

- " Bah, c'est a cause de cette maudite brune qui nous accompagnait...
Quand le guide s'est laisse tomber, elle a dit : Un homme aussi
courageux, il mériterait qu'on l'applaudisse...

[SuperFly]

DR. PHIL WAS CONDUCTING A GROUP THERAPY SESSION WITH FOUR YOUNG MOTHERS
AND THEIR SMALL CHILDREN.

YOU ALL HAVE OBSESSIONS," HE OBSERVED.

TO THE FIRST MOTHER, HE SAID, "YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH EATING. YOU'VE
EVEN NAMED YOUR DAUGHTER CANDY."

HE TURNED TO THE SECOND MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS WITH MONEY. AGAIN, IT
MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, PENNY."

HE TURNS TO THE THIRD MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS ALCOHOL. THIS, TOO,
MANIFESTS

ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, BRANDY."

AT THIS POINT, THE FOURTH MOTHER GETS UP TAKES HER LITTLE BOY BY THE
HAND AND WHISPERS, "COME ON Dik, WE'RE LEAVING."

[Wangja]

and another for French lovers ...

U n vieux couple, Ray et Bessie, décide de passer l'hiver au Texas.

Ray avait toujours rêvé d'avoir une paire de vraies bottes de cowboy.

Un jour,il en voit une paire dans un magasin, décide de l'acheter et marche fièrement jusqu'à la maison avec ses bottes de cowboy.
Il entre dans la maison et demande à Bessie:

Remarques-tu quelque chose de différent sur moi?

Bessie le regarde et répond:

Non!

Frustré, Ray s'enferme dans la salle de bain, se déshabille et en ressort complètement nu mais portant toujours ses bottes. Il demande à sa femme:

Remarques-tu quelque chose de différent MAINTENANT?

Bessie le regarde et lui répond:

Ray, qu'y a-t-il de différent? Elle pend aujourd'hui, elle pendait hier et elle va encore pendre demain.

Furieux, Ray s'écrie:

Et tu sais pourquoi elle pend ? Elle pend parce qu'elle admire mes nouvelles bottes!

Bessie répond:

T'aurais dû t'acheter un chapeau !

[Pyongshin Sangja]

A man in a very bad state arrived at St. Peter's gate, after an apparently violent death. St. Peter asked him, "So, what happened?"

The man explained: "I was an African safari guide and I was accompanying a a group of women, 6 blondes and a brunette. While roped together, crossing a bridge over a large river infested with crocodiles a gust of wind knocked us down. I ordered everyone to hold on to their ropes. We were suspended in the air and as the bridge threatened to collapse due to our weight, someone had to sacrifice themselves. I was the only man..."

St. Peter, so proud to meet such a courageous man, sent him directly to Heaven! Ten mintues later, St. Peter saw a group of blonde women arriving in the same state as the man he had just sent to Heaven.

He immediately asked them on arrival, "But this brave man sacrificed himself, did he do this for nothing?"

One of the blondes explained, "Bah, it's because of this damned brunette that was accompanying us. When the guide fell, she said, 'Such a brave man! We really must applaud him...'"

[Pyongshin Sangja]

An old couple, Ray and Bessie, decided to spend the winter in Texas

Ray had always wanted to have a pair of real cowboy boots.

One day, he saw a pair of them in a store, decided to buy them and marched proudly home with his cowboy boots.

He came into the house and asked Bessie, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looked at him and answered, "No."

Frustrated, Ray locked himself in the bathroom took off all his clothes and went back out totally nude except for the boots. He asked his wife, "Do you notice anything different about me NOW?"

Bessie looked at him and answered, "Ray, what is different? It's hanging today, it hung yesterday and it will still be hanging again tomorrow."

Furious, Ray shouted, "And do you know why it's hanging? It's admiring my new boots!"

Bessie answered, "You should have bought a hat!"

Actuallly, that one was really good! Merci.

[Pyongshin Sangja]

Here is a joke I heard from a French guy, verbatim:

Zere was once a rich, successful man. He owned many businesses and had a large house and a beautiful wife. One day, though, he lost everything on a bad investment. He was alone and penniless. He decided to take the ultimate step, suicide.

He climbed to the top of a huge mountain, there he was alone on the top of the world. Standing on the edge of a huge cliff he prepared himself for the final leap. He thought of how far he had come and what he had lost.

As he was counting down, "10, 9, 8.." he suddenly saw someone on the mountaintop with him: Santa Claus!

"Santa, what are you doing here?" he asked.

Santa said, "I am here to help you. I can get everything back for you."

"But how, Santa?" the man asked.

"Well, it's very difficult. You have to give me a blowjob," said Santa.

"And you'll get everything back for me?" asked the man.

"Everything," Santa Claus assured him.

"Well, ok," said the man. He assumed the position.

A few minutes later, after Santa was satisfied, he asked the man, "By the way, how old are you?"

"Forty-one," answered the man.

"And you still believe in Santa Claus?"

[Wangja]

Excellent translations PS.

BTW, even though I have messed with "encoding" the accents e-acute and c-circumflex don't appear on my screen, do you see them?

[Pyongshin Sangja]