Korean Job Discussion Forums

Tiger Beer · Joined: 07 Feb 2003

If you are trying to 'get lucky'.. then usually its not even a date at all. You just meet for galbi, get drunk, and there you go. Or meet in the bar late at night and try your luck.

If you are going on a series of dates with a Korean.. then its pretty much impossible.. particularly after you've met her friends. Then you either have to keep going and try to 'woo' her and try to make a relationship happen (while she probably won't because she will be uncomfortable about her friends having met you and all the rest).

I think here you'd have to spend some good time and actually appear to be a 'stable' long-term guy to get in once you've been meeting the friends and all of that!

Sounds like the girl you have is seriously just thinking ONLY friends or English teacher friend..

Would this be different if the Korean girl lived significantly overseas? YES! They've met so many westerners and know most western men think what you are thinking.. and they'd probably been exposed to your thinking/ideas already.

Regarding Japanese.. I have no idea.

Derrek · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

Ok, I'm giving away secrets learned from hard knocks...

I'm not telling this information as "player information." I'm telling this in case you have a girl you TRULY like and want to have a serious long-term commitment to.

Rule #1: You like Korea, or can at least get admit you can get used to it.

Rule #2: Never say that you are going home at the end of your contract. She will ask you when you are leaving, and if not soon, how long you plan to stay. If you are planning to leave at the time, and tell her, she will likely close you out.

Rule #3: Have a good, intelligent reason why you want to stay in Korea.

Rule #4: Call or text her daily.

If a Korean girl likes you, you are expected to read her mind. Some of them are downright impossible to figure out. Others are obvious. It is culturally beaten into their brains to NOT make it obvious that they like you. It's all about saving face. If you like a girl, you have to keep on it. You have to call her or at least text her every day. Something I learned while riding in a car with Itaewonguy and Kiwiboy -- you have to PUSH them to meet you, sometimes. I almost think they try to make you push them, just to prove that you think of them as someone you REALLY want to see.

Rule #5: Try to kiss after 3 or 4 dates (good girl you truly like)

If she is a "respectable" girl, you should not try to kiss her for at least 3 dates, in my book. She might bolt if you try before then. On the third date, if you feel you have an opportune moment, then try to kiss her. But EXPECT to be denied. Just EXPECT that. She may want to kiss you, but many girls are taught that they should deny you. After the next date or two, IF you have an opportune moment, then try again. But she may DENY you once more and pull away.

Rule #6: Be a man

This is where it gets sort of uncomfortably weird for me. Here, you are sort of expected, as man, to "push" it. Nice boys don't finish first here -- they become long-term English-speaking pals, or don't get called back because they confused the girl. After she denies you this second or third time, try again that same date. I'm not saying attack the woman, I just mean try to give her a gentle "first kiss." My experience is that if a girl is going to be interested in you, she'll kiss you within 5 dates, or at least make it darned obvious in some way that she does like you. If she never intends to kiss you, she will likely freak out majorly and let you know it the first time you try. From my experience, that is the time to cut her loose, if you don't want to be strung along. But if she just politely pulls away, or says, "not yet," you're going to be kissing in the near future, so long as you keep up daily contact and meeting her.

Rule #7: Rules don't pertain to everyone in every situation

I might also metion that you shouldn't use this as a 100% guarenteed lithmus test to figure a Korean girl out. I dated a girl for 5 months before we even kissed, but it was obvious she liked me because she was in consistant daily contact with me, often gave me little gifts, and didn't mind holding my arm and later my hand on dates (that took 3 months). She is just VERY conservative, and I am 100% sure this girl is a virgin. We never had sex, either, and we dated 8 months. I also dated other people during that time, because she told me I should -- knowing we could never be. We broke it off because we had a big age difference (like 14 years) and she didn't even want to think about marriage for another 10 years. We always knew there was an expiration date on our romance, so it was expected.

Her parents know me sort of by accident, and like me, but didn't know we were dating. I'm sure they'd freak if they knew their 21 year-old daughter was dating an ajosshi foreigner! They thought we were just friends, and they are glad she has a foreign friend to learn English from (she is an English major). Her mom even chatted with me online a few times. Well, we still are good friends.

It was obvious to my ex-gf, however that her parents would NEVER allow her to marry a foreigner one day anyway. We split, but remain good friends to this day and text daily still -- mulitple times. She knows all about my new girlfriend, and is a little jealous (perhaps very jealous, but she'd never let me know that), and she says she's happy for me. I really think she's a wonderful lady, and I hope she meets a nice guy before she graduates college, or soon thereafter. I intend for this woman to be a life-long friend.

My current girlfriend took about 4 to 5 dates to kiss. I was denied the first two times I tried to kiss her (dates 3 and 4). But I didn't give up. I knew she liked me too, because she was often bringing me the gifts, etc.... chocolates, or a snack from a store, etc. That's a good indicator that a girl likes you, if she does that a few times or more.

She came to my house on our third date, but swears I shocked her when I asked her to come over. She thought I meant just come to this area near my home to go out. But I walked her to my apartment, and she sort of freaked a little over that -- could have been an act, though. She gave me this little sermon about how she would have gotten upset if I were a Korean guy and done that to her... but she also apologized because she misunderstood my letter to her that day, where I asked her to, "come over to my area."

Three months later, we're in love, and ordered the couple-rings last week. She doesn't hold anything back. If she were younger, maybe she would have been more conservative, but she's 32. She's on her way over tonight, which is good, because I miss her a lot.

Oh, Rule #8: It's your fault -- expect her to act like a child.

If there's a problem, it's your fault, and she'll react like a spoiled, bratty child and expect you to come crawling to her and keep after her even if she seems she won't forgive you. This goes for friendships with Korean girls as well (when you argue). Sure, I like to think I'm tough, but it's sort of the "man's responsibility" to kiss her butt when something wrong happens. I NEVER would do this before, and would NEVER keep a girl past the first fight. I have made adjustments, though, and this girl is still around after the first fight. Then again, I think Rule #8 is cross-cultural, or at least in part.

If I learn more rules in the future, I'll let you know.

Real Reality · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Location: Seoul

Women Take 11 Months After First Meeting to Have Sex
"How long after you meet a guy for the first time does it take you to have sex?" One Internet survey on this question has yielded an average answer of 11 months. The women's portal site XyinLove (www.xyinlove.co.kr) conducted a survey from May 18 to July 2 asking women, "How many days after you met your current boyfriend did you first have sex?" The average answer given by 1,200 female respondents was 330.13 days.

Meanwhile, regarding women's understanding of birth control, the survey turned up that 27 percent of women use no birth control at all when having sex, and 33 percent have experienced having an abortion. In a June survey asking women is they use birth control when having sex, 27 percent of the 940 respondents said "not at all," while 31 percent said, "sometimes." Asked if they had experienced having an abortion, 67 percent answered no, while 20 percent said they have had one abortion while 12 percent said they have had two or three abortions.
Chosun Ilbo (July 5, 2004)
http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200407/200407050030.html

peppermint · Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:00 am Post subject:

Why would anyone want to get involved with someone who plays that many games?

kermo · Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:27 am Post subject:

shakuhachi · Joined: 08 Feb 2003 Location: Sydney

Adventureman, this isnt your first such post, and if you are having to ask this question then you probably wont reach your goal (which is sex, whether you frame it as romance or love or whatever).

If you are not having sex by the third date, then I suggest you dump her. Dont be shy and tell her the reason why. This site can help you, but only if you are really willing to make a change.

You should also be looking at making about 10 street approaches a day, at least 4 days a week. Follow this advice and I dont think we will be hearing about this again (except for a post like 'How do you juggle girls?')

Good Hunting!

casey's moon · Joined: 14 Sep 2004 Location: Daejeon

Happy hunting? Mad

Methinks this thread is a bad idea, considering everything....

Derrek · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

After reading my post again, it sounds so crass. I just hope that someone who truly loves a Korean woman can use at least some of my advice to help work things out. I lost at least one good relationship because the culture differences confused me (and her) so much.

We live and learn.

The best relationships are ones that take time.

jinglejangle · Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Location: Far far far away.

adventureman · Joined: 18 Feb 2003

casey's moon · Joined: 14 Sep 2004 Location: Daejeon

Hmmm... interesting. Was it yesterday or the day before that you posted questions asking the women if there is any hope for someone like you to find a woman here.... I guess you were asking the Korean women who post on this board?

Anyway, I didn't say there was anything wrong with your question, but I do think some of the responses would be best left to personal messages, for obvious reasons. I'm not saying this because I'm a prude -- and if you don't know why I'm saying it, then you haven't been paying attention during the last month, to this board, to the Korean media, to the supposed vibe on the streets.

BTW, what happened to your previous thread? Did it get pulled?

Zyzyfer · Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:18 am Post subject:

peppermint · Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:36 am Post subject:

I was asking why you guys would date a chick that needs that much maintenance actually. Especially rule # 8. That's where I'd put the phrase " Be a man" Be honest with yourself, and if you did something wrong, admit it, appologize and make it up to her. If that's not the case and she expects you to grovel- walk. (the same advice would apply to women)

indiercj · Joined: 30 Jan 2003 Location: Seoul

Was there a rule to fall in love? I never knew that.

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