Korean Job Discussion Forums

Derrek · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

For those married people....

How soon did you start hinting around with your spouse about marriage?

My gf has started throwing hints around about this. Things like, "I don't know how to cook well, but you make me want to learn. I think a woman should know how to cook for someone one day when they marry." and "Before my father died, I didn't think seriously about relationships and the future, but you make me think about that."

So I'm obviously getting the hints, and it's only been about 3 1/2 months. I'm a little freaked-out by this. We've already had one big fight and worked through that (3 weeks ago). She spent the weekend over here, and now she's all googly.

I'm 34, and she's 32, but I'm not ready for this yet! I told her I'd think about it in a year or two, but I'm not sure how she's going to take that.

How soon did you start talking about marriage?

white_shadow · Joined: 28 Mar 2005

You're too young to throw in the towel.

anae · Joined: 13 May 2003 Location: cowtown

We talked about marriage about 3 months into our relationship. I was 22 and he was 25. We discussed what each of us was looking for in a partner and in a marriage in order to decide whether or not to continue the relationship. We agreed on everything, so continued dating and married two years later.

From what I understand, it is common for Koreans to discuss marriage earlier than westerners.

BTW, 32 is not terribly young. Women's fertility takes a serious dive at 35, so women are more likely to not waste time with relationships that will go nowhere in their 30s.

tzechuk · Joined: 20 Dec 2004

mmm... a year before we got married? We were already living together... hubby thought getting married was unnecessary.

peppergirl · Joined: 07 Dec 2003

Derrek · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

Thanks for the info so far.

I'm nowhere near marriage thinking yet. I like her, and she's attractive, etc... but I definately don't feel "marriage" in this. At least not yet.

Almost feel guilty about not feeling that way, since she's 32. I feel like I'm wasting her time, and am now obligated to marry in a year or something. Shocked

itaewonguy · Joined: 25 Mar 2003

Captain Corea · Joined: 28 Feb 2005 Location: Seoul

camelina · Joined: 13 Mar 2005 Location: wishing i was there

For anyone who watched Oprah this morning.... Someone need's to tell Derrek's girl "he's just not that into you".

Ive been in alot of relationships...but when i got into my most recent one.. 'we' were always talking about what 'we' will do months ahead, where 'we' will go, what 'we' want, what 'we' like.

If you hate being apart from a person for a day, if you want to see that person everyday, then the future shouldn't scare you or 'freak' you out.

billybrobby · Joined: 09 Dec 2004

I'm starting to enjoy these "Hi my name is Derrek and I have a girlfriend" threads.

With Korean women, the pressure to marry once you've turned 30 is intense, right? Maybe she's just throwing the idea out there to make sure she's not wasting her time. Or maybe not. Be careful. You don't wanna wake up one morning with your leg chained to a big iron ball.

bucheon bum · Joined: 16 Jan 2003

Derrek · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

So should every guy be falling all over his girl... dying to see her every waking second? I don't think so.

I think if Oprah expects that, then we know why she is still single.

bucheon bum · Joined: 16 Jan 2003

no, the point is if you're not serious about it, end it. it's being unfair to her.

Derrek · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

camelina · Joined: 13 Mar 2005 Location: wishing i was there

I always have a timeline with a relationship. Im 26 years old. Marriage is on my mind. I give every new relationship 3 months. If i don't feel i 'could' marry the person, then i end it, not wanting to waste my time or his.

I think that is reasonable.