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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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 Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 2:40 am Post subject: |
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Hey, Derrek. Let her catch you masturbating. If she runs, let her go. If she stays, it was meant to be.
Let Oprah top that one. |
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Real Reality
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 2:51 am Post subject: |
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| ersatzprofessor wrote: |
| Tiger Beer wrote: |
| anae wrote: |
Tiger Beer:
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Something I've always wondered.. how does one know when they are 'ready'?
How did you know? |
I felt at peace in my heart. I felt joy at the thought of setting up a home, bringing children into the world, and growing old with him. |
I always feel that women are more apt to feel this way.
For men, the first two means financial stress and enormous responsibility for the rest of your living days? Or is that just my own hang-up? |
No, that pretty much sums it up.
But kids are fun though. |
The Cost of Raising a Child (Manitoba Agriculture and Food)
Cost of raising a boy to age 18 (Total cost in Canadian dollars)
== $166,971 (or 139,209,969 Korean won) ==
Cost of raising a girl to age 18 (Total cost in Canadian dollars)
== $166,549 (or 138,858,131 Korean won) ==
http://www.gov.mb.ca/agriculture/homeec/coc2004/cba28s02.html
Estimated Financial Costs (Total cost in U.S. dollars)
With College: 335,420 - 448,294
Without College: 202,122 - 297,036 (until 18 years old)
NOTE: These figures are averages drawn from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's 2000 Annual Report "Expenditures on Children by Families." College costs are averages drawn from the report "Trends in College Pricing: 2001."
http://www.babycenter.com/costofchild/
Parasite Singles
Professor "B" gave up tenure to cash in his retirement pay in a lump sum to fund his son in the US. He now works as a lecturer on a time basis. Professor Lee Soon-yong of Seoul National University said that this was created by two things; firstly parents in their 40s and 50s thinking that supporting their children is the most valuable thing in their lives; and secondly children who think they can get anything they want.
A man identified as "J" and living in Taegu married when he was a student, but this broke up in less than a year. He receives W1 million per month from his parents and whenever he needs more he asks. "J" is a typical mother's boy who can do nothing without his parents. They even paid his divorce payment settlement of W10 million.
Kim Ki-hong, Chosun Ilbo (May 14, 2001)
http://www.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200105/200105140181.html
Wives Found Far Richer than their Spouses
A survey indicated married Korean women manage an average of W14.4 million (about US$12,000) of "secret funds" without the knowledge of their spouses, who in turn had only W3.4 million (about US$3,000) kept aside--or a mere quarter of how much their wives have tucked aside.
Chosun Ilbo March 21, 2001
http://www.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200102/200102150006.html
Women aspire to be housewives without any of the housework
By Sarah Womack, November 5, 2004
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2004/05/11/nwife11.xml&sSheet=/news/2004/05/11/ixhome.html
Korean Children Have Won Signs in their Eyes: Poll
What elementary school students like most about the lunar New Year is money, a survey by Edumoa showed. The education website for children said 46.8 percent of the ominously numbered 14,666 members who responded to the survey cited cash gifts as the chief reason why it was their favorite holiday.
by Park Won-su, Chosun Ilbo (February 2, 2005)
http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200502/200502010025.html |
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PolyChronic Time Girl
Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Location: Korea Exited
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 6:18 am Post subject: |
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| Derrek wrote: |
Hey, I like her.. I really do. I'm just not at the "I WANT TO MARRY YOU AND BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND YOU TO BE MY WIFE AND HAVE MILLIONS OF BABIES" stage. Is it wrong to want to wait a while and see what I really feel? Or to see if we are truly compatible?
We happened to sit and watch Oprah's latest "He's just not into you" story the other night. That show made me angry. It's as if Oprah is telling people (with the help of that guy) to give up on their boyfriend/husband if they aren't kissing your ass 24/7 because they, "just aren't into you."
That guy who wrote the book is easily laughing his way to the bank -- playing off of female fears to sell books. Some cases he was right, but I can see too many girls getting emotionally insecure VERY quickly after that episode. I think a lot of healthy, non-movie fantasy-type relationships are going to be damaged after that trash of a show.
I wished so much that I could say, "HEY, STUPID!!! Sometimes men don't call every day, even if they want to, because the WOMAN often does nothing to reciprocate. Personally, if the woman isn't calling me at least half as much as I call her, I back off. I don't want her to think I'm a stalker or something." |
You're doing the right thing by waiting and there isn't anything wrong with it. It just all boils down to the dating differences between western/korean standards. I know that even many western women feel suffocated by Korean men's courting behavior...so Korean girls have got to double that pressure. Korea just goes gun-ho on relationships and it's a very "couple" country...hell, we did it all...couple outfits, cute little photo booth pics on our cellphones, both of crying during fights (him mostly). I think they just throw that marriage thing out there even if they don't know if they want it themselves....it's fun to be dramatic for Koreans and that can really scare the hell out of us westerners, where we use more rationality. It's all a matter of you two bridging that Korean dramatic "we've got to get married and be with each other FOREVER" and your "let's wait and see how it goes"...that's how it was in my relationship...balancing out the dramatic with logic. You should definitly stick with her and go at a pace that is comfortable with you and adjust the seriousness of the relationship with time.
And for the record, I think all the Oprah crap about a man having to please his girl 24/7 is wrong....that audience must have been full of somre real princess complexes. I wonder who this clown was that was promoting his book. |
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SuperFly
Joined: 09 Jul 2003
Location: In the doghouse
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 7:02 am Post subject: |
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| Get out, NOW. |
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itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 7:42 am Post subject: |
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JUST RIDE THE WAVE...
dont sweat it.. she will make all the arrangements.. if she thinks you are not ready or she is not willing to wait.. she will find someone else..
what do you care... if she cant wait.. then you know she is not the one..
just have fun man..until it comes to an end..
if it does.. |
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tardisrider
Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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I don't understand the desire to marry or have children. If I happen to meet someone and love her and want to get married, then I'll consider getting married. If I don't meet anyone, I won't get married. I'm not fussed either way. I'd never, ever, ever think "I hope to be married some day." Likewise, I have no absolutely no interest in having children. I think that children are people: I like some of them. I don't like most of them. They don't interest me at all just because they happen to be humans who are very young.
I do realize that most people who have children are fond of them. I'm fond of grapefruit juice, but I understand that other people couldn't care less about my grapefruit juice--whether it did somethng cute or got run over by a truck.
I recognize the biological need for children to perpetuate the species, but actually if the species were to die out, it wouldn't matter. It's not as if we would be sitting around saying "Oh poor us, we're extinct." |
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Daechidong Waygookin
Joined: 22 Nov 2004
Location: No Longer on Dave's. Ive quit.
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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man, you really enjoy taking girls for a ride dont you.
Here is the situation. She is 32. Yes? That means she is pretty much at the age where she HAS to get married or in a few years its gonna be impossible. She has a real deadline here. Getting married will secure her future, not getting married will condemn her to a life of loneliness.
YOU, a 34 year old man (boy?) have no clue what you want from this relationship. You have nothing to offer her in the long run as it stand now, other than meaningless sex and some fun. Do you NOT see the problem in this situation?
Staying with her now without a definite commitment to marriage in the future is pretty much playing russian roulette with her life. You can leave, find other girls, go to other countries. You have all these options that she doesnt have. What you are doing is extremely selfish and you seem to find pleasure in joking about it on the internet. I wonder what she would do if she read your crass jokes in this thread. TOTAL lack of respect for a woman who seems to love you a lot.
Why dont you find a 23 year old to have some fun with? You can dump her a year later (like you probably will this one) and you wont damage her chances at marriage. |
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bucheon bum
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 1:30 am Post subject: |
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| for once I have to say DW is right on the money. |
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peemil
Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Location: Koowoompa
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 2:57 am Post subject: |
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| For men, the first two means financial stress and enormous responsibility for the rest of your living days? Or is that just my own hang-up? |
Agreed. Despite whatever has happened it's important that a man be able to support himself and his family. That's just a part of being a good bloke. |
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The Bobster
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 6:05 am Post subject: |
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| Daechidong Waygookin wrote: |
| Staying with her now without a definite commitment to marriage in the future is pretty much playing russian roulette with her life. You can leave, find other girls, go to other countries. You have all these options that she doesnt have. What you are doing is extremely selfish (... )TOTAL lack of respect for a woman who seems to love you a lot. |
Gotta diasagree with this. The route to actual respect for the woman as a human being is to simply be clear and honest about your feelings and the likelihood (or lack of same) that you will be interested in the long-term sort of thing she wants - then give her the choice to stay or go. She's an adult and she can make decisions on her own about her future, as long as there is no deception on your part.
The idea that a guy should leave in order to protect her from "a life of loneliness" seems rather patriarchical to me, as if she is not capable of figuring out on her own what is best for her, and if there's anything that counts as "TOTAL lack of respect for a woman" I think you can find it there - and as far as that goes, Derrek might surprise us all and even himself by deciding a few months or even a year down the line that this woman is the The One. I've seen it happen before.
Last edited by The Bobster on Thu Apr 07, 2005 2:42 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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redbird
Joined: 07 Mar 2005
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 7:13 am Post subject: |
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[quote="The Bobster
The idea that a guy should leave in order to protect her from "a life of loneliness" seems rather patriarchical to me, as if she is not capable of figuring out on her own what is best for her, and if there's anything that counts as "TOTAL lack of respect for a woman" I think you can find it there - and as far as that goes, Derrek might surprise us all and even himself by deciding a few months or even a year down the line that this woman is the The One. I've sen it happen before.[/quote]
I agree with this, but it's important that he make sure she really believes what he's telling her. If she's all puppy dog eyes in love with him and is telling herself that she can change him, then it may be better for both of them if they break up now. A year or two down the road when she finds out she didn't change his mind, it's unlikely that she'll blame herself...
But this whole "life of loneliness" idea, as if a woman's happiness is dependent on her finding a man and/or having children-- well, I hardly know where to start on that one. (Like a fish needs a bicycle...) From the talk on this board, it sounds like there are a lot of lonely marriages in Korea, but a middle aged single woman has a lot of freedom. |
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Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 7:47 am Post subject: |
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| Daechidong Waygookin wrote: |
man, you really enjoy taking girls for a ride dont you.
Here is the situation. She is 32. Yes? That means she is pretty much at the age where she HAS to get married or in a few years its gonna be impossible. She has a real deadline here. Getting married will secure her future, not getting married will condemn her to a life of loneliness.
YOU, a 34 year old man (boy?) have no clue what you want from this relationship. You have nothing to offer her in the long run as it stand now, other than meaningless sex and some fun. Do you NOT see the problem in this situation?
Staying with her now without a definite commitment to marriage in the future is pretty much playing russian roulette with her life. You can leave, find other girls, go to other countries. You have all these options that she doesnt have. What you are doing is extremely selfish and you seem to find pleasure in joking about it on the internet. I wonder what she would do if she read your crass jokes in this thread. TOTAL lack of respect for a woman who seems to love you a lot.
Why dont you find a 23 year old to have some fun with? You can dump her a year later (like you probably will this one) and you wont damage her chances at marriage. |
Oh, man... you've really got it in for me, eh? 
So are you saying that every 30-something Korean woman is desperate to be married, and I'm "taking her for a ride" by not committing to marriage within 3 months?
I'm straight with her when she asks about stuff. I'm with Bob and Itaewonguy... I don't need to pre-think or pre-plan her life for her. I think she can be responsible for herself if she starts dropping MAJOR hints my way, and I don't respond. Who knows... maybe I will. I was able to spend all weekend with her, and a few days this week, which is normally WAY more than I can stand spending with any one person. Perhaps my biggest hurdle to get over is that I feel really uncomfortable spending much more than a few days around anyone... I NEED MY SPACE. She knows this because we had a discussion about it. So who knows what the future may hold?
Sad but true, I find that if you aren't true to your own heart, or are too nice, you don't end up with anything.
By the way, I passed all of the stuff she said by a Korean female friend today, and she said it sounded more like my gf was "fishing" for reactions by saying semi indirect marriage-like things. My friend said it sounded like my gf wasn't really talking about marriage... only poking around to gauge my reactions to what she said. |
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Harin
Joined: 03 May 2004
Location: Garden of Eden
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 8:00 am Post subject: |
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| she is 32 and doesn't have a father....well, at least the good news is that you wouldn't have a hard time of getting her family's blessing. |
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Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 8:12 am Post subject: |
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| Harin wrote: |
| she is 32 and doesn't have a father....well, at least the good news is that you wouldn't have a hard time of getting her family's blessing. |
On that note, her mother does know about me, and hasn't complained. She's just a little suprised and curious.
All of her children are in their 30s and unmarried (my gf is the youngest of the three). I asked my gf if that fact bothered her mother, and she said that recently she has made it known that it does. My guess is that her mom would just be happy to see one of them marry.
Her sister, however, is something of a roadblock from what I gather... my gf is not anxious to mention me to her. My gf stayed overnight here for the first time last month, and had a huge fight with her sister about it. Her sister wants to control my gf, because my gf is the "baby" of the family.
On another note, my gf already has a US Tourist Visa, and has been to NY, so I don't have to worry much about that one. |
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Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, on another note...
The Chinese teacher and the school nurse asked me about my girlfriend today. They wanted to know when we will marry. 
I told them I would think about that in a year or two, and they looked at me like I had just stepped on their pet dog. |
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