|
Korean Job Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Daechidong Waygookin
Joined: 22 Nov 2004
Location: No Longer on Dave's. Ive quit.
|
 Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:31 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
| MissT wrote: |
"How long ago did you guys break up? Are you still in Canada? Or back in Korea?"
-Broke up at the end of February. Still in Canada, though I plan to come back in August or September. I still really love Korea and Koreans, and would like to come back to work for maybe 1 or 2 more years.
"Probably parental blocking there. "
-I talked to a mutual friend recently, and she said that his parents were choked about it. His dad didn't even speak to him for a week. His parents were so nice to me. Every time I talked to his mom she would tell me how much she loves and misses me. I was invited to many dinners, went to all of their birthdays, and even went to his brothers wedding. I just really don't see that they were involved in his decision. I guess it is a possibility, but I will never know...
|
[/quote]
Wow, what a *beep*. Did he tell you why? I wouldnt take his "Im just conservative" speech and walk away. You should have really found out why he did that. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
casey's moon
Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Location: Daejeon
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| MissT wrote: |
Well, I am also in the 'dumped' category...
I dated my kbf and it was out of this world. He wined and dined me, picked me up from school when it rained, met his parents, etc. We went hiking and rollerblading every weekend. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be so considerate and in love, as he acted toward me. Asked me to marry him. I fell head over heals and accepted. We made plans to marry in August and move to Canada. His family was super supportive and k mom and I were going to go hanbok shopping this month in Korea.
I got accepted into university this September in Canada to get my Bed and teachers certificate. He came back with me for 4 weeks and we had an awesome time. He went back to Korea and came to visit me at Christmas and began acting strangely, i.e. not affectionate, etc. I was confused and didn't know what to think. While he was here he postponed the wedding by one year. I was okay with that, and we made plans for me to come back to Korea to work for another year.
I finally got an email from him, and I quote, "l can hang out with foreign friends but maybe not as a wife. maybe l'm conservative ?"
He never really elaborated on what exactly that means. Frankly I am glad now to find out about his surprising thoughts on race. I just wish that he would have told me when I first met him, and it would have saved me a lot of heart ache. |
sooooo sorry. What a sad story. It doesn't sound to me like the parents were against it -- it sounds like it may have been his friends. My husband's friends are mostly great, but at different times they have tried to influence his opinion on various things, from owning a dog to where/when we should buy our apartment, etc., and I'm sure that some of them pressured him to reconsider his engagement to me at some point as well, because I'm not Korean. There seem to be a lot of know-it-alls in this country, who don't like to keep silent. If your ex is the type to be easily swayed like that, it would have been an extremely difficult marriage. My husband is pretty good at sticking to his guns, but sometimes I feel like there are way too many people who are voicing their opinions on what goes on in our home.
As for the OP's question...
In my case, I've only dated one Korean and I married him. There were a few guys I saw extremely casually when I first came to Korea, but they all proved themselves to be freaky stalker types within the first week of our "dating" which is why we broke up. The best was the guy who called me from outside my apartment at night and had a hissy fit when I refused to get out of bed, put on some clothes and go out to talk to him. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
squat toilet
Joined: 08 Mar 2005
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| MissT wrote: |
| I finally got an email from him, and I quote, "l can hang out with foreign friends but maybe not as a wife. maybe l'm conservative ?" |
Sounds exactly like what happened to my friend last year.
She started dating a Korean guy and got really serious about him. They hung out all the time, went on trips together, he introduced her to his mother, etc etc. Even though the guy scared her sometimes with his posessiveness she stuck it out.
Anyways, similar to you, she received a random text message one day saying "I'm sorry it's over..I can't endure" or something to that effect. After talking to him, he more or less said the same thing your ex said to you..."I'm actually very conservative and can't have this type of relationship."
The truth later surfaced that he found some innocent, submissive little korean girl and decided to ditch the novelty that was my friend.
She was pretty devastated but luckily this all occured at the end of her contract. She went back home to Canada, enrolled in teachers college, met a great guy (i met his 6 months ago), moved to Thailand with him to teach and is now engaged to be married (I actually just received the wedding invite 2 days ago). She is happier than i've ever seen her and often comments about dodging a bullet with that korean clown she was seeing.
Moral - f-em in the ear... |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
bucheon bum
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| i wasn't going to stay in korea any more. she didn't want to come to the states, and ended up in toronto. yes, a girl chose toronto over me: ouch. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
waterbaby
Joined: 01 Feb 2003
Location: Baking Gord a Cheescake pie
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 11:07 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| squat toilet wrote: |
| MissT wrote: |
| I finally got an email from him, and I quote, "l can hang out with foreign friends but maybe not as a wife. maybe l'm conservative ?" |
Sounds exactly like what happened to my friend last year. |
Now that I think about it, it reminds of a Korean guy I met years ago who had native like (English) speaking ability, had lived in Canada for a number of years and fell in love with a Canadian girl. They were serious about each other for a significant period of time (2 yrs, I think). She came to Korea and met his family. They loved her, welcomed her and even bought her a handbok. They talked about getting married.
He told me that even though he loved her, he broke up with her because she wasn't Korean. He used holidays as one example of what he meant... said that he could never get into the western holidays like Christmas, thanksgiving etc. and when it came to Chuseok, he felt that he couldn't celebrate with her in the same way he could with a Korean person. He found that really hard
He said she was devestated (of course!  ) and he still had feelings for her, but he couldn't see them having a future together. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 1:25 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Well, waterbaby, this guy sounds like a closed-minded idiot. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
gypsyfish
Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Location: Seoul
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 4:55 am Post subject: |
|
|
| She broke up with me because I wasn't Korean. In retrospect, I wish she hadn't dated me in the first place. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Zyzyfer
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:00 am Post subject: |
|
|
| MissT wrote: |
| -I talked to a mutual friend recently, and she said that his parents were choked about it. His dad didn't even speak to him for a week. His parents were so nice to me. Every time I talked to his mom she would tell me how much she loves and misses me. I was invited to many dinners, went to all of their birthdays, and even went to his brothers wedding. I just really don't see that they were involved in his decision. I guess it is a possibility, but I will never know... |
Nah, don't think that's a possibility. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
It's a real shame that it happened then. Parents blocking is one thing, but the guy just realizing is another. In his defense, maybe he fell out of love, or maybe it started to dawn on him about the reality of it and he was shocked out of the relationship. Really too bad. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
MissT
Joined: 06 Apr 2005
Location: Korea
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 11:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: |
| -- it sounds like it may have been his friends. My husband's friends are mostly great, but at different times they have tried to influence his opinion on various things, from owning a dog to where/when we should buy our apartment, etc., and I'm sure that some of them pressured him to reconsider his engagement to me at some point as well, because I'm not Korean. There seem to be a lot of know-it-alls in this country, who don't like to keep silent. If your ex is the type to be easily swayed like that, it would have been an extremely difficult marriage. |
Now that you mention it, you may be on to something. My ex would frequently tell me "My friends think...." "My friends say...." whenever he would talk about our future in Canada.
| Quote: |
| Did he tell you why? I wouldnt take his "Im just conservative" speech and walk away. You should have really found out why he did that. |
Believe me, I tried. After Christmas he went home, and it was obvious not everything was well with our relationship on his part. When I would try to have a serious conversation about what was happening, so we could talk about it, he would just be very vague about say that he didn't want to talk about it. He just refused to share what the problem was. I guess ultimately it was b/c I wasn't Korean. -What does this mean, besides not looking Korean??? 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
waterbaby
Joined: 01 Feb 2003
Location: Baking Gord a Cheescake pie
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 4:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| princess wrote: |
| Well, waterbaby, this guy sounds like a closed-minded idiot. |
./m
Well princess, I agree with you. I only met him once (he was a friend of a friend) and I did try to pry open his mind a little but it was firmly shut |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Badmojo
Joined: 07 Mar 2004
Location: I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:14 pm Post subject: |
|
|
[quote="MissT"]
I guess ultimately it was b/c I wasn't Korean. -What does this mean, besides not looking Korean???
[quote]
What does it mean?
It means a great deal more than how you look.... I think.
My first inclination is that you're not Korean because you're Canadian or American, or whatever you are. You're WESTERN, not Eastern. You're not Korean. It's not your culture, it's not your language, you're not any of it. It was a decision based out of cultural disparency, or the discomfort of a bicultural relationship.
But... something tells me, what if you were of Asian descent and grew up in the West? I bet you there wouldn't even be half the problem. To the casual observer, there'd be nothing out of place. Maybe if you learned Korean well after a few years then no one would ever tell you were an outsider. You'd look the part. You'd fit right in. You'd look like you belong.
So, what is it... culture or appearance? Humans judge by what they see, not what they know.
Sorry Miss T, but I really don't think it meant much more than your skin isn't yellow, and your eyes a little bigger. You may even have the dark hair, and be a little petite, but that's not enough.
Just my opinion this morning. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Demophobe
Joined: 17 May 2004
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 9:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Derrek wrote: |
Dude, I think there's a lot of people on here who don't date much. They play computer games all night, post to their various socks, and spank themselves to porn. Many don't have a lot to say about a legitimate question that reminds them of how dating here can be a total maze. |
Yes, and there are a lot of people who don't pour out their pathetic experiences on a public internet forum. Another "many" are just fine with their partner and have married them or on that happy road.
If it's a maze to you, then what do you need? A person to wander around lost with or a map that shows you the way out? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
agraham
Joined: 19 Aug 2004
Location: Daegu, Korea
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 2:36 am Post subject: |
|
|
As long as we're pouring our hearts out... I'm probably bitter havin just broken up, but...
How could anyone seriously be in love with someone when they don't have native command of a common language. Seriously.. conversations wih my K-girl were lots of fun during the three month learning-about-the-person phase, but we never got onto the knowing and the disecting of innermost understanding that love is supposed to be.
After a while it became a painful guessing game for each of us as to what the other was truly thinking. After a four hours of talking maybe you can hit some conversational meat for fifteen minutes before you're totally exhausted.
I've been kind of shocked at how totally blase I am about the breakup. It's like a just had a five month long one night stand.
Bleah. That is all. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Zyzyfer
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 9:14 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Demophobe wrote: |
| Derrek wrote: |
Dude, I think there's a lot of people on here who don't date much. They play computer games all night, post to their various socks, and spank themselves to porn. Many don't have a lot to say about a legitimate question that reminds them of how dating here can be a total maze. |
Yes, and there are a lot of people who don't pour out their pathetic experiences on a public internet forum. Another "many" are just fine with their partner and have married them or on that happy road.
If it's a maze to you, then what do you need? A person to wander around lost with or a map that shows you the way out? |
And then some of us have a girl and still play computer games all night. I just hope she doesn't find out.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 9:27 am Post subject: |
|
|
My date this evening revealed she was married as I made my move...held her hand, stroked her hair..about to kiss..then, Bam..
yes, rapier is still single..God only knows why.. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
