Korean Job Discussion Forums

[adventureman]

..

[Chillin' Villain]

Good lord, this pretty much is an alpha wave reading of my brain right now.

What an effed up weekend I had. I dunno... When my last serious gf and I split I figured I would be plenty happy with playing the field for a while. Instead, I keep expecting girlfriend-type material out of easy-ish bar girl types. How idiotic is that? Meet an actual nice girl, and the demands in the relationship can get wacky.

I'm not sure if this is so much to do with women here or some of my own shortcomings (I'm sure they certainly play a role), but I'm definitely feeling jaded about some things with 'em right now.... First real time in the last three years I'm thinking about it this way.

[peemil]

As a former nice bloke... I hear you. Women don't want that, despite the fact that every woman after this is going to say. "Really. We women all want nice guys." No they don't.

FACT- Nice guys finish last.

SOLUTION- Change the behaviour. Don't give em' a strand. Treat em' mean- Keep em keen.

I see so many women who get strung out by complete and utter *beeps* but yet they crawl back to them. They get a nice guy and they don't know what to do.

What's the point of being the walk over mat? You get hurt while she nips off to get it on with her ex or whatever. Bugger them. They're not worth the hassle. Don't tie yourself in knots about it.

[Mashimaro]

[pet lover]

Yes. That's why I don't date. Korean men expect me to simper, whine, be utterly dependent on them, act coy, talk to them in a baby voice, have little temper tantrums and stamp my feet when I don't get my way, etc. etc. Uh, I stopped doing that when I was in kindergarten. When I don't do those things, I get accused of not being a real woman. Many Korean men really take offense to the whole idea that I DON'T want to be with them 24/7, that I don't LIKE to be called over and over again during hte day, that I WON'T call them repeatedly throughout the day despite not having anything to say, that I have my own money and spend it on what I want without begging them to buy me something, etc. etc. I also don't wait around breathlessly for them to call me. I go out and do what I want to do. I don't need my hand to be held when going to the supermarket. I make my own decisions. I'm a grown-up. I'm not a child. And that is a problem here. I could fake it when I first came, when I was younger, but not anymore. I think that I can best sum it up as Korean men need/want to be needed more than I actually need them.

[the_beaver]

I've been out of the game for a long time but as I recall the dating scene here was great and I met some nice people and some medicore people and I didn't have any problems. I've been trying to figure out why that should be for me but not for others and I just don't know. I do know that guys are notoriously bad at reading signals, both verbal and physical, so maybe reading up on that stuff has given me an early detection switch to apathy mode edge, or maybe it's the context where you first meet.

Anyway, it's interesting.

[rapier]

[quote="peemil"]Treat em' mean- Keep em keen.

I see so many women who get strung out by complete and utter *beeps* but yet they crawl back to them. They get a nice guy and they don't know what to do.

What's the point of being the walk over mat? quote]

The kind of scenario you describe is a short term thing, -such relationships are dependent on the woman lacking any self-esteem, strength, or direction of her own.
I've seen plenty of great, devoted lifelong couples based on mutual respect and trust. That is what lasting relationships are based on, believe it or not.

Besides, all that abusive behavior is counter-productive in the long term.

Don't be a doormat: but don't be a controlling abusive tw8t either. Neither are fulfilling: just be real. Neither partner in an abusive-style relationship is truly satisfied.

Peronally I have no desire to dominate a woman or push her around. She would cease to be attractive to me if I could.

[rapier]

ahem..to get back to the dating topic..if you lack a genuine strong connection to a woman, then you will quickly get snared by the labyrinth of cultural mis-communications and it will fail.

I almost married a woman here a couple years back- she spoke pretty poor English, and we didn't go through the whole social construct of dating as such. Our connection, natural communication, and ease in eachothers company made the twists and turns of conventional "dating", with its rules and procedures,-irrelevant. And there was no "treat em mean" thing going on. And yes, she was very attractive-a definite 9/10.

It depends on chemistry..how much you agree..stuff like that. Not the exciting highs and lows of an emotional roller coaster.

[mindmetoo]

[crazylemongirl]

dating in Korea? fine.

Getting serious? hell no. I dont' know what I want to do with my life let alone factor in someone elses' desires

[Derrek]

If it feels like you're in a maze, then you've got to realize you're dating women who are too young. Unless you're a super catch that she knows she can't top, a Korean girl will be out to play until she's at least 28 or so. Many these days who don't marry Korean guys are waiting past 30. They want to be players until their looks start to fade, and they HAVE to marry.

My older co-workers asked me if I will marry my girlfriend, and I said I had no plans to even consider it for another year or two. They looked at me like I had kicked their pet dog.

After living in this society for three years, I've come to the conclusion that I enjoy dating around a lot more than being stuck in a relationship. Heck, most of the girls I have dated are juggling other guys at the same time. I just don't trust Korean women from the greater Seoul area... sorry. Small-town folks are different. The women in Seoul are major players. All of them -- if they can play, they will.

There are two+ Yagwons on every corner for a reason, people. They don't just sit there empty.

My current relationship is fine, but as I said, I have no interest in marriage in the foreseeable future. That could change, but I'm not losing sweat over it.

[mithridates]

Three of the girls I dated before are Korean and were perfectly marriable. I would have been happy living with any of them if I were the type to want to settle down. I don't think the time spent with them was wasted at all. For all I know dating me was a waste of time for them.

[just because]

I loved dating here.......it would seem like a bit of a carousel with a different girl each month but it was never boring.

I lucked out on one of my dates(well not so much lately ) and haven't dated for a long time.

[mindmetoo]

[Badmojo]