Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Manner of Speaking]

[red dog]

"Ran for the hills" sounds pretty negative, and your original post suggested that her reaction was "wrong" because you're not "ugly." That's why I brought up rapists and sexual harassers -- because that's how they probably think too. If her reaction really wasn't all that negative, perhaps you should have been more clear. There's no need for hostility or insults.

[endofthewor1d]

[red dog]

[endofthewor1d]

[red dog]

I didn't see his eyebrows or shoulders, just a couple of cheesy emoticons. I interpreted the two of them together as a rather condescending facial expression (similar to the one in your avatar).

Anyway, MoS's point in posting was obviously to show that his behaviour in that situation was admirable and the woman's was not. Unfortunately, many declarations of deep caring turn out to be manipulative attempts to take advantage of a person. It's perfectly legitimate for anyone, male or female, to be skeptical.

[endofthewor1d]

i guess you're right. i can't very well argue with that. mos and buster keaton are rapists. it's all so clear to me now. sadly, buster is dead, and unable to come to his own defense.
manner of speaking has incriminated himself with the combination of emoticons which, to the savvy eye, clearly says "i am a rapist". i'll leave him to his own uphill battle of self-defense.

[JongnoGuru]

The thing about a guy making a girl feel uncomfortable, upset, creeped-out, whatever, because he expressed his honest feelings toward her... Just how is he to know for sure that she'll take it so badly until that moment comes? And assuming the guy has behaved politely (as I'm sure MoS did), how the girl reacts is pretty much up to her. 'I'm flattered, but I'm spoken for. Thank you, but I'm not interested. Drop dead, you creep. Let me think about it. I feel the same way about you'. And so on. She can even respond with, 'By God, you've violated my boundary -- now back off! '

But just because a girl gives a guy the brush-off -- however nastily she does it -- doesn't put him on any continuum with harassers, miscreants and rapists. She's simply given him an answer.

I've read you on other threads, Red Dog, so I know you are too intelligent and many of your opinions too valid to trash them the way you sometimes do by making such extremist connections and drawing tortured parallels. If I've fudged my income taxes, am I on a continuum with Al Capone? If I've uttered the odd racist aside about Koreans, am I now sharing the same continuum with Adolph Hitler?

[red dog]

I see your point, JongnoGuru, and I suppose what really bothered me was the way MoS wrote as if the woman had done something wrong in "running for the hills" -- which could have meant anything from avoiding him to cutting off contact, or simply not acting grateful and flattered. It sounded insensitive of him to expect admiration for "expressing his feelings," when there are many situations when that is an inappropriate and hurtful thing to do.

Of course a line has to be drawn between behaviour that is criminal and behaviour that is obnoxious (and I have no idea if MoS was obnoxious or not, as I don't know him), but I think the sort of continuums you mention do exist. Hitler was an extreme racist, but many people on this board are guilty of perpetuating racism in less extreme forms. No, we can't always read each other's minds, but I think we can try to be sensitive to their feelings and not knowingly put them in difficult positions.

[Big_Bird]

[steroidmaximus]

no, polly is the kind of girl who wants all the benefits of feminism, but none of the responsibility.

[endofthewor1d]

[JongnoGuru]

[winnie]

[dogbert]