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My friend won't make compromises
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dulouz



Joined: 04 Feb 2003
Location: Uranus

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 7:18 pm    Post subject: My friend won't make compromises Reply with quote

Dear Abbey,

I have a friend that teaches English in Korea for a living. He's older, I think 50 years old or older. He has a hard time here and I think its because he will not change his behavior or appearance.

I think he still wants to be a rock star because he has a rock star haircut and he refuses to dress according to the Koreans manner of accepted dress. I'm generally not a fashiobn victim but here in Asia people are harshly judged on how they appear and my friend appears in Salvation Army fashion for interviews and jobs. One night our gang was at a local cafe and the hostess asked where my friend was at and we said "not here". Knowing that, she put her finger in her mouth to show a gag and she said "hair" and pointed at her hair.

I think my friend is making things hard on himself because his jobs seem to end shortly after they start and I think his clothes and haircut have something to do with that.

What should I tell him?

Regards,

Concerned in Korea


Last edited by dulouz on Sun Jun 12, 2005 2:44 am; edited 4 times in total
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pegpig



Joined: 10 May 2005

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 7:56 pm    Post subject: Re: My friend won't make compromises Reply with quote

dulouz wrote:
He has a hard here and I think its because he will not change his behavior or appearance.


With all the hotties around I can see why.

Getting a haircut Wink is definitely the solution.
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Tiger Beer



Joined: 07 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, get a haircut. He needs an ambush makeover.

Go get him drunk until he passes out.. then take it upon yourself to remedy this situation. He'll thank you after a girl for the first time finally notices him (positively) in Korea.
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Derrek



Joined: 15 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 10:07 pm    Post subject: Re: My friend won't make compromises Reply with quote

pegpig wrote:
dulouz wrote:
He has a hard here and I think its because he will not change his behavior or appearance.


With all the hotties around I can see why.

Getting a haircut Wink is definitely the solution.



HAHAHAAHHA!

Some expats walk around with a "hard" every day!
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rapier



Joined: 16 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 2:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a fan of dressing well and taking care of your appearance. Unfortunately many westerners here take a positive pride in their laid-back, scruffy and sloppy demeanour. To them it shows unpretentiousness. Yes, i agree its whats inside that counts, but wearing smart clothes and having a trim haircut says infinitely more better things, all at once.

When the untidy feral/grunge insanity was hitting the west, I was cheering at the well-tailored and stylishly well groomed citizens of Milan....long live good dress sense.
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just because



Joined: 01 Aug 2003
Location: Changwon - 4964

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Where are the "Queer Eye" boys???
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inkoreaforgood



Joined: 15 Dec 2003
Location: Inchon

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 5:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

just because wrote:
Where are the "*beep* Eye" boys???


Standing right behind you. Shocked
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Hwajangsil Ajumma



Joined: 02 May 2005
Location: On my knees in the stall

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right here, you fabulous fabulous scrummy thing!

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pest2



Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

rapier wrote:


When the untidy feral/grunge insanity was hitting the west, I was cheering at the well-tailored and stylishly well groomed citizens of Milan....long live good dress sense.


OH man in Milan???? Well you cant dress that way on an esl teacher's salary... especially if you go to Italy to buy your clothes.
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pest2



Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AWWWW come on... give the guy a break... Why is he in Korea, anyway???? Obviously he doesn't fit in there... well, I mean, do ANY of the people who go there fit in??? Haven't you noticed that most of the people who go to Korea dont fit in... anywhere...... so the only difference w/this guy is that his 'unfit' manifests itself with his dress... big deal..

And about that waitress who stuck her snobby finger in her mouth... If I were there I'd have to make some disrespectful comment about her to get even... Im sure she didnt look like her own role model -- Brittney Spears no doubt since that is whats in style in Korea for women -- either...
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dulouz



Joined: 04 Feb 2003
Location: Uranus

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You all can laugh but I'm the one that has to sit through yet another discussion about how bad things are with my friend's job. We tried a guerilla makeover but he sprayed makeover repellent on.
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eamo



Joined: 08 Mar 2003
Location: Shepherd's Bush, 1964.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If he can't understand that the whole, "I have to be me!!", thing doesn't work in Korea then there's nothing more you can do.

My natural instinct is scruffiness but I force myself to look respectable everyday because I know looking the part can get you a good life in Korea. Better jobs and more respect. Maybe that's not how things should be but your friend isn't going to change korea anytime soon.
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gypsyfish



Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 1:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tell him what you have posted on the board (maybe leave out waitress part). Then forget about it. It's up to him to change. You can't change him.
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Ya-ta Boy



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: Established in 1994

PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 3:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
What should I tell him?



If he is showing up at interviews in Salvation Army get-ups and still getting jobs, then clothes and hair are not the main issue. It no doubt contributes to the problem but is secondary. Either he is having an extraordinary run of bad luck with employers or he is doing something to get fired.

If he's a good friend, sit him down and grill him on his behavior at work and ask him what he is going to do to change it. If he says he won't change, then I'd suggest you tell him you are tired of listening to him complain about the problems he is creating.
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ajuma



Joined: 18 Feb 2003
Location: Anywere but Seoul!!

PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:53 am    Post subject: Re: My friend won't make compromises Reply with quote

dulouz wrote:
What should I tell him?



Tell him "When in Rome....When in Korea!!!! If you don't change, don't b**ch!!!"
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