Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Grotto]

...... Why English Teachers Retire
> (Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays)
>
> 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
> sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
> like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
> like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
> the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
> at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-
> temperature Canadian beef.
>
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
> makes just before it throws up.
>
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
>
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
> because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
> surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
>
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
> a bowling ball wouldn't.
>
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
> filled with vegetable soup
>
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
> eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
> city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
>
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
>
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
> when you fry them in hot grease.
>
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
> across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
> one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
> other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
> 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
> fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
>
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
> who had also never met.
>
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
> the East River.
>
> 18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel
> trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
>
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
> Phil, this plan just might work.
>
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
> eating for a while.
>
> 22 He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
> either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
> on a land mine or something.
>
> 23. The ballerina raised gracefully en pointe and extended one
> slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
> with power tools.
>
> 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
> bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
>
> 26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to
> put in any pH cleanser.
>
> 27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

[Tiberious aka Sparkles]

Though a tad hackneyed -- and my guess is they were all written, with humorous intent, by the same person -- they get a C for creativity.

Sparkles*_*

[jajdude]

Those are funny. Almost as creative as like when Benjamin Jefferson invented electricity, and Leonardo Da Caprio painted the Mona Lisa.

[kermo]

#9 is lifted from a Douglas Adams book.
Grotto, when I saw this thread, I thought you were listing reasons ESL teachers retire, and I was a little worried for ya.

Funny, but I'm not reading them as "genuine." They sound more like "Deep Thoughts" to me.