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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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 Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:13 pm Post subject: How to offer condolences in Korea |
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I found out on Friday that my hagwon director's wife is in the hospital for cancer. He told it isn't looking good for her, and she probably won't be getting out of the hospital (until she dies). I asked my co-teachers what I can do in the way of condolences, but they just sort of stammered for a moment and never offered any suggestions. In the US, it's normal to get someone a "Thinking of you" type card, but I was told there isn't anything like that here in Korea.
So I know my director likes the polished rocks they sell here in Korea. Would it be imprudent for me to buy one and write a note that says this is in honor of his mother, and he can remember her when he sees it?
What is the norm here? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Q~ |
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OCOKA Dude
Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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You're right -- there are no such cards. My advice; DO NOT BUY A GIFT -- we're talking major faux pas if you did. Korean people usually offer condolences by giving money to the bereaved in a white envelope, usually during or after the wake.
The amount given is important. For someone who is a non-relative but in your work circle (like a relative of a co-worker), 30,000 won is sufficient. (Even numbers are considered bad luck and more money would be customary -- to cover funeral expenses -- if the bereaved was a close relative).
However, as I understand, she's still in the hospital, so don't the jump the gun -- that would be quite embarrassing if you did. |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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| Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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| OCOKA Dude wrote: |
You're right -- there are no such cards. My advice; DO NOT BUY A GIFT -- we're talking major faux pas if you did. Korean people usually offer condolences by giving money to the bereaved in a white envelope, usually during or after the wake.
The amount given is important. For someone who is a non-relative but in your work circle (like a relative of a co-worker), 30,000 won is sufficient. (Even numbers are considered bad luck and more money would be customary -- to cover funeral expenses -- if the bereaved was a close relative).
However, as I understand, she's still in the hospital, so don't the jump the gun -- that would be quite embarrassing if you did. |
Okay, I'm glad I didn't buy anything. Is there no way to offer condolences for someone who isn't bereaved but is ill in the hospital? Anyone with more insight on Korean culture have experience with this? I feel like I can't simply do nothing, but if that's the culture...
Thanks,
Q~ |
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crazykiwi
Joined: 07 Jun 2003
Location: new zealand via daejeon
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| Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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| how bout flowers? but never white ones, as those are only for funerals. just asked my co-workers and they said flowers are fine. money sounds crass, imo! |
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diablo3
Joined: 11 Sep 2004
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| Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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Give 30,000 Won in an envelope.
Normal Korean custom.
You do the same thing for a wedding. |
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OCOKA Dude
Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 12:23 am Post subject: |
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| crazykiwi wrote: |
| how bout flowers? but never white ones, as those are only for funerals. just asked my co-workers and they said flowers are fine. money sounds crass, imo! |
However crass money may sound to you, it is how things are done in Korea. Funeral expenses can be formidable, and helping out bereaved friends, co-workers or relatives with such things is the Korean custom and can relieve grieving family members of many pressures and stresses that are unseen to the rest of us.
I would disagree about the appropriateness of sending flowers though; in your position, it could send the wrong message. Sending flowers to someone who's hospitalized would be more appropriate if you were personally acquainted or related to the infirmed.
Since there are a couple of degrees of separation between you and the individual in the hospital, a more appropriate action, IMO, woud be offering to be of help to your Wongjang or the person you are acquainted with, with a simple, "Is there anything I can do for you while you're taking care of your_______?", or even offering to do something simple for him, like running his errands or take care of any business while he's away. |
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schwa
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: Yap
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| Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 12:25 am Post subject: |
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Hold on folks -- this woman isnt dead yet.
If you knew the woman personally, you could send her flowers & a thinking of you card. Giving the husband a gift at this point would just be morbid.
Just offer spoken sympathy & support at this point. |
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crazykiwi
Joined: 07 Jun 2003
Location: new zealand via daejeon
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| Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 12:56 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| However crass money may sound to you, it is how things are done in Korea |
I KNOW how things are done in this country, but giving money when she aint even dead yet sounds crass (to me!), and i would imagine the woman in question wouldn't mind flowers, as do most! anyway, the other posters advice(s) sound appropriate to ie, offering to do things for his boss etc. |
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OCOKA Dude
Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 1:13 am Post subject: |
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| crazykiwi wrote: |
| I KNOW how things are done in this country, but giving money when she aint even dead yet sounds crass (to me!), and i would imagine the woman in question wouldn't mind flowers, as do most! anyway, the other posters advice(s) sound appropriate to ie, offering to do things for his boss etc. |
Yo dude. Who said anything about that? That's your misread. We're only talking about how to offer condolences, Korean style, IN THE EVENT OF A BEREAVEMENT -- not before. (If you read up, you will notice how I said that one should not jump the gun on the matter.)
However, I disagree with you on the flowers bit, as it does not appear that he's a personal friend of the wife. Also, if flowers start piling up in that poor woman's wardroom, I guarantee you that she'd freak out, as she probably already knows that her illness is terminal. (Flowers would be more befitting of someone staying at a hospital temporarily, e.g., for a mild condition or injury -- not someone who's dying.)
I will agree with you, though, that it is a good idea -- in the interim -- to offer to be of assistance to the boss as much as possible. |
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