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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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Milwaukiedave
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Location: Goseong
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 Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 10:57 pm Post subject: Korean gf hinting at wanting to live together |
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Just a general question, my Korean gf has hinted at wanting to live together a few times. We have talked a little about the future, but she is finishing her second degree and working. She still lives at home with mom and dad.
I have mixed feelings about it. In some ways it would be fine with me, I have lived with a woman outside of marriage before. However, the two hurdles are her parents, as well as whether I would say anything to my school.
Anyone have some advice? |
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hellofaniceguy
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!
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| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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Don't misunderstand my opinion...I am not harping on you Milwaukiedave....but...you're and adult..yes....she's an adult...yes? Do what ever the hell you two want to do! Don't give a rat's ass about what her parents or the school thinks! It's your's and her's choice.
Gesh!!!
Come on now! A country full of double talk, love hotels, double standards, room salons, coffee shop girls and all the nights of drinking till one passes out...corruption, graft and on and on....
don't worry about her mommy and daddy.....and the school...it's YOUR life.
Millions of koreans couples live together and are not married!
Do what you want...be happy! Now...... of course...if she turns out to be a nightmare....or you turn out to be her nightmare.....moving out could be a problem.....depending on how well either of you handle a potential breakup....it could come back to haunt you. |
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Homer
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 5:02 am Post subject: |
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Well,
I faced a similar situation before my wife and I got married.
She discussed it with her parents to make sure they were cool with it. This is just because she felt she needed to do so and to avoid any nasty surprises from the parents.
As for the school, I disagree with hellofaniceguy here. Tell them. Why? It is their appartment not yours. If they balk at the idea...ask for a housing allowance and find your own place.
This is better then not telling your boss and then he or she finds out by accident. |
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pet lover
Joined: 02 Jan 2004
Location: not in Seoul
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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| If I were to decide to live with someone, I would not tell my school. For one, it's not their business and for two, they wouldn't care. They don't try to get into my business. I've found that I'm much happier when I'm working for a boss who considers my private life to be private. I don't think that'll I'll ever again accept a job where the boss wants to be privy to all that I think, say, and do. |
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inkoreaforgood
Joined: 15 Dec 2003
Location: Inchon
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:06 pm Post subject: |
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| pet lover wrote: |
| If I were to decide to live with someone, I would not tell my school. For one, it's not their business and for two, they wouldn't care. They don't try to get into my business. I've found that I'm much happier when I'm working for a boss who considers my private life to be private. I don't think that'll I'll ever again accept a job where the boss wants to be privy to all that I think, say, and do. |
Yeah, if you boss doesn't pry into your private life, then you really don't need to say a thing. If your boss is up you ass on every little detail, then there will be problems. My gf(wife, now) moved in with me several years ago, and I didn't tell my boss. If he had known, he wouldn't have liked it, he was Christian through and through though. But really, it's your apartment, if you were married would you ask? Do you ask if it's okay for your gf to stay the night?
Since that boss, I've had three other school contracts, and no one objected to my girl living with me. None of their business, and they know it. Just don't tell the students a thing, and it's all cool. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Homer wrote: |
As for the school, I disagree with hellofaniceguy here. Tell them. Why? It is their appartment not yours. If they balk at the idea...ask for a housing allowance and find your own place.
This is better then not telling your boss and then he or she finds out by accident. |
I would agree with that, but do we know for certain it's the school's apartment?
Many on Dave's have advised teachers to find their own place if possible rather than taking school-provided housing or dorms. The OP's circumstances, though rare, would seem to lend weight to that advice. |
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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:34 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with the don't mention it to your boss camp. Do any of us mention it to our boss that our GF is coming to stay the weekend?
In the west it's nobody's business. You may not pay rent but you exchange labor for that apartment. Your labor is your rent. Renting an apartment makes it yours to do with within limits of your rental agreement. If you keep your apartment clean, don't disturb the neighbors, and don't destroy it, it's your castle and you don't have to tell your landlord every little life style choice you make.
And given the fragile Korean ego ("oh my god, whitey is banging one of our pure Korean women in the apartment we provide!"), it's best not to mention things. Consider, Korean women don't tell their employers they're divorced. Why tell your employer you're shacking up with and despoiling one of the pure daughters of Taegun on their dime? |
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Homer
Guest
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:34 pm Post subject: |
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Well jong,
If the Op has his own place (with housing allowance) then he does not need to tell his school.
If he lives in school provided housing he should tell his boss as the appartments belong or are rented by the school and sometimes are so on the basis of a certain number of occupants.
Also, the school provides an appartment for their employees, the gf is not an employee of the school hence he should tell them to avoid any bad surprises later on. |
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wylde
Joined: 14 Apr 2003
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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| holy fucking cunt shit.. homer and i agree |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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| wylde wrote: |
| holy *beep* *beep* *beep*.. homer and i agree |
Yes, there's been a rash of that going on today.
Mindmetoo, a foreign friend worked as a legal consultant for ***MONSTROUS CHAEBOL***. Good pay, large three-bedroom apartment in Gangnam, free car, free fuel, etc. He took the smallest of the three rooms for himself and some Korean 'mattress monkey' (<-- his term for the girl, not mine) and then rented out the larger two rooms to other expats.
He'd managed to keep all this from his employers for almost a year, but they eventually found out. One of his unreported tenants had called him at his office several times one day re: some home emergency, someone else took the call, and rumours were flying around the office by the time the guy got out of meetings and back to his desk. The powers that be at his company were less than pleased, and guess why? Clue: It wasn't mainly because of the side income he'd been making by subletting the two bedrooms. For what we'd all assume is a very modern and progressive company (I don't want to mention the chaebol's name, but it's the biggie), the people working beside and above him had fairly unprogressive views about the mixing of the races (despite or because of all their US education), and especially when that mixing was going on under the roof that they were providing this big-nose.
His job went from splendid to hellish within weeks (yes) and he was on the first plane home after his contract was over. (Well, not literally the first plane. He got a short extension from Immigration and we met for drinks a few times in the following week, during which we discussed the abrupt demise of his career with ***CHAEBOL***.) They didn't even suggest re-signing for another year.
To me it's not a matter of telling an employer, getting their prior permission, defining your legal rights within the employment contract or rental agreement, etc. I'd simply not advise shacking up with a Korean girl unless one has their own place, free and clear. (i.e., their name on the rental agreement, their money used as deposit, their money paying the rent, etc.) |
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wylde
Joined: 14 Apr 2003
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:06 pm Post subject: |
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well, actually, i have lived with my wife in every room given to me, BUT i always asked first...
it never seemed too phase them..
just ask first.. |
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