Korean Job Discussion Forums

[conor]

[peemil]

They're only women. They're not worth the pain.

[Babayaga]

[The Man known as The Man]

[Bulsajo]

I'm trying to figure the timeline of your relationship's demise based on what you said, but from what you wrote it sounds like you were physically separated before the break up? You talk about a 2 month job, being in a different city etc.

Anyway, if that's the case, then don't stress too much that it was 'you' or anything; it was probably the separation.

So don't mope and think what's wrong with me? or what could I have done to prevent this?

Move on, move up. Best of luck.

[Bo Peabody]

[double post]

[fusionbarnone]

I'm really sorry to hear of this happening to you.

As for me, I've got a great lady now which happened when I'd least expected it(life can be a jester, when you really need something it;includes everything you may have deemed as lacking) has a habit of materializing. In order to have gotten this far, I can recite my past liaisons via the alphabet(English) scores of duds and near misses before, I hit the big-time. Love hurts as the song goes but, that comes with the territory. You sound like a survivor and a fighter.

Recently, saw a website of an ex(curiosity, rather than stalking and never went back). Although, pretty, I was really surprised to find she wasn't as "attractive" as I had once remembered(short legs, standard dial(face), etc). Point I'm making is that time really does heal. I didn't want a future situation/scenario occuring where the ex comes back and (theoretically) run back to her(pathetic thought but once upon a time I would have sold my soul to the devil for the opportunity). Ex rest in peace(most importantly myself). Hope you get to this stage soonest.

Grieving sucks but as some famous person(????) once said "what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger". Had a lady killer buddy in my MBA class(6.4" true alpha) he told me that should a women depart for whatever reason, he'd let her go and get on with moving on. Previously, he'd beat up any guy who looked sideways at any of his girlfriends until he decided upon this philosophy. Things happen to the "best" of them, what is important is the perspective in looking at things is what I think he was saying. There's always manana.

Don't play sad(but beautiful) songs as you'll dwell unnessasarily on past and unlikely possibilities. Try, hard to be upbeat. Once had a friend tell another over someone who'd gotten him down; "don't get down, get angry"(doesn't advocate going postal though). One historical figure once claimed "love was a madness". I guess he was right, fixating (according to sad love and lost songs) actually advocate fixating which is considered, strange behaviour. Don't do that.

Got good friends? I remember(whilst a teenager) a taxi driver lending me his ear when I couldn't understand why xyz did what she did what with me being a great.....etc. People can be really kind. Get friends, get involved/invited with things they do(travel, events; don't expect to see your ex in Vietnam if that's where you happen to vacation; fantasizing delays healing and spoils the gift of the present) however, be willful about controlling drinking and smoking(or, sojuing an entirely independant category). Because getting up again so you can throw a wicked right at the world again will, require some will power and personal pride and dignity, is an ongoing responsibility.

If you were able to find your lady attractive than it's a given others(guys of course; females??) will too. This applies equally to yourself. Have you really looked around lately? There are hundreds of thousands of women in this world(no kidding, probably millions if you don't mind including the Congo) who would enjoy your company. Ask the ladies out and don't be surprized at how many say yes. This is excellent for the process(grieving) to saliently peeter out especially when you'r "booked" solidly day by day, week by week.

Lacking in skills due to being out of the loop so long? Read Askmen.com. No shame in that as the ladies have had a plethora of printed materials(gal mags) to inform and advise on the latest trussing methods pertaining to the male species. You want a litle more class than the sat nite bud and wingman who have one good pair of pants/shirt and boots that don't match, who usually find themselves sobering up at a 24/7 takeaway. You wanna be much better than that.

How's your wardrobe? Hair style, etc. Why not revamp your image. Gals call it retail therapy. Your spending/investing for effect on self-esteem, image(your equally entitled to be as cool as you want). The ladies will notice; be extremely careful with shoe purchasing and care. If ladies shop for shoes so often, well you can be sure they're gonna check yours out first and grade you accordingly.

Mail her personal momentos home(someday you'll laugh about it when you find yourself perusing her stuff without breaking in half). Do many people in your vicinity know your ex??? Why not throw a farewell party(don't invite your ex) for the good times. Or for that matter, a party celebrating your early release.

If you are'nt active already, get active. Sadness can't stand a busy person. Get yourself a one year blackbelt in something. Hell, if she was so "unreplaceable", and, you have doubts about finding reprieve from the "burn", take up more than one martial art(short of becoming a real live action hero that is).

When I started out in this life(so ah, wanna go out sometime, huh, huh, huh) the failures(they were the losing ones, not me: according to attitude) I'd always keep involved in work, future plans and acquiring skills needed for their materialization. Point intended, don't stop planning to win, keep saving money(this is the key to all as a russian lady once said; husband must be able to care for three people"; this time will come for you so be ready), travel, reading, learning new skills, meeting new people(success is more to do with people you know rather than what one knows; saves on time and oodles of personal effort) improve yourself continually. Rise above all.

Actually, I'm very thankful to ALL of my ex's, they helped me improve in areas I'd never have worked on if not for the searing heartbreak of a failed relationship. Had one ex say how ticked off she would be after "training me(in her words) and breaking up when some other lady was able to "reap" the "benefits". We all gain some how and that's a fact.

Forgiveness, I think, is important. Forgive yourself and her. Try to move on. This stage (your ex relationship) is the one that has prepared you for the next lady yet to come along. You'll win in the end.

For what it's worth at this time. Try to have a great day dude.

[fusionbarnone]

All I needed to do was to go on pitching and rapping, non-stop, until the girls' undies dropped like flight 93.

Bo Peabody. That's a good one. Thanks, you've made my day.

[Bo Peabody]

I want to point out that sometimes it's ok to dwell in sadness. I think it's cathartic to wallow in the sadness and let it burn out instead of engaging in a futile attempt at suppressing what will not be suppressed. Profound sadness, not unlike measles, is one of those things that must be felt and experienced to gain immunity.

[conor]

[peemil]

That's great advice fusionbarnone.

[PECisDplace2B]

Thanks for the advice fusionbarnone, I'm wondering is there ever such thing as a clean breakup after going out for so long? I mean one where there isn't any shame or hurt and disgust. Right now this girl is just a phantom to me, the whole relationship seems haunting. I know my breakup was messy as sin. I feel a lot of shame about the way things went down.

Anger seems to work well for me these days, I like it better than b.s. self pity. That and keeping busy with random activities with friends is a great way to feel good.

I'm going to go trade my paper for some new rags, maybe get a motorbike.