Korean Job Discussion Forums

[lastat06513]

A day after my momentous victory, I got a somber phone call from a
friend of mine.
Before I ask my question, I'll give you some background.

He is an old high school chum of mine who decided to get himself assigned in Korea in the Marine Corp (I met up with him last night after not contacting each other in almost 15 years~ we exchanged numbers and parted ways). Anyway, he called to tell me that he was thinking of divorcing his wife.
They both met each other when he was in Okinawa (she is Korean) and hastily married after only a month of knowing each other. Unfortunately, he went to Iraq and she had to come back to Korea to be with her family. They barely had a week of being together when he got his marching orders.
They kept on constant contact through email and phone calls (the miracle of MWR moral calls). When he left Iraq (in one piece- thank god!) he put in for USNF-K (A joint Marine-Navy task force assigned in Korea- He's a Captain and could put in for stuff like that) and reunited with his wife.
According to him, its been 6 months and has been nothing but pain and anguish for him. She is always on base with the other ajummas and spends no time with him, except to ask for money to play the slot machines at the Main Post Club. They also live in a crap apartment because she apparently squandered the key money on a wardrobe that she barely wears and going out clubbing in the clubs in Kangnam and Apkujong (the key money came from the Hazardous duty pay he got from Iraq).
To top it all off, he got a call a few nights ago from a Korean man who spoke perfect English, telling him that she was leaving him. When confronted with it, she just said it was some guy she and her friends got "booked" with while at a club in Kangnam (and one of the nights she disappeared without calling him) and not to worry about it.
And to think that things couldn't get any worse.....he found out that she was even working as an "escort" for foreign businessmen coming to Korea.

In my heart, I would say "don't even waste your time even thinking about it". But he truly loves her and wants to make it work out. So, I don't know what to say to him except "Follow your heart"

Now my question is; What would you say to a friend in this situation?

I know there are alot of "lifers" and "old tymers" who might have some wisdom to pass on about this subject. I hope you can give me some advice on how to approach this because I'm suppose to meet him on wednesday to talk about this and I would like to be armed with some tid-bits of advice to give him.

[mercury]

are there any children? This is very important!

Actually, it looks as if things are out of control. I was taught to never recommend divorce, just because most people divorce, and then marry someone just like their ex, and then get into the exact same situation with the new spouse.

It would be good to recommend a certified counselor!

If you want to just see what the problem is, there is a free assessment he can take online, and after the test he can choose options about counseling.


http://www.relatebetter.com/questionnaire.htm

[Ya-ta Boy]

Sticky situation.

There are two situations where people ask for advice: one, they want someone else to tell them what to do so they can blame that person; or they want someone to agree with the decision they have already made. The best advice you can give him is to give no advice at all. Listen to him and ask questions about how he feels. Keep your opinion out of it because it isn't your situation. Where you can, help him clarify his thinking.

The way you present the story, the answer is clear what you think. It is probably also clear what he thinks since you got the story from your friend. Help him see what he told you. His feelings are getting in his way. (It sounds like to me.)

Good luck to your friend in a sad situation.

[Col.Brandon]

It's difficult to see things clearly when you're inside a bad relationship sometimes. I've been there myself; it was only after the fact that I realised what an unhealthy situation I was in, and that my friends were right to try and caution me.

He may not be listening to reason for now, so just be there for him when he comes through it.

[schwa]

I find it creepy that an acquaintance shares his obviously confidential woes with you & you turn around & blare them on a public discussion board.

[lastat06513]

[BigBlackEquus]

'... married after one month...'

That kind of says it all.

Sounds like a real horror story. The only thing missing is her parents asking for money. Got to throw that one in there.

[rapier]

As equus says: married after 1 month, separated constantly thereafter= disaster.

[canuckistan]

[shakuhachi]

Dump her quickly, very quickly. Or at the very least, cheat a lot.

[Rock]

lastat, I sympathyze for your friend because he represents the naive understanding of some Western men, especially those who are soldiers, to Korean culture and women. Bottom line is, the "married in one month" scenario does say a lot. But maybe not all of it.

Korean women are easy to fall in love with. They're personal, sensual, fast and wanton. It usually has to do with money too(this is just my opinion.)

They probably don't understand each other, however, and it sounds like he's being used. Thing is, I'd tell your friend TO LOOK FOR GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE. Marriage unfaithfulness, which it sounds she's committed, is the number one grounds. Then, from a Christian perspective, he's done nothing wrong. She could be something other than he realizes.

If he still loves her, or thinks he does, there's nothing you can do.

[weatherman]

Is he legally married in Korea? He should get proof of his wifes activities, and book her at the police station. It can be done in Korea.


He should leave her. What the hell was he thinking during these past 6 months?

[jinglejangle]

[peemil]

Women hey? You really expect better from these trollops?

[Leslie Cheswyck]

This one's a no-brainer.