supernova
Joined: 10 Sep 2005
Location: on your side
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 Posted: Sun Oct 30, 2005 1:24 am Post subject: uncyclopedia |
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http://www.uncyclopedia.org - possibly the greatest website in existance, definitely one ups bash.org.
uncyclopedia is basically wikipedia, but the articles are complete BS. some of my favorite so far are:
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Pornography
From Uncyclopedia
Pornography is the fundamental type of information that circulates on the Internets, and is in fact the real reason why the internet was created. All other data is exchanged between cyberweb-connected computers by being translated into pornography at the source and reconstructed at the destination.
The Creation Of Pornography
The Pornograph was invented in 1534 by Josef Von Schlaupvangehen and Cönel Müsterd with the first pornographic website: HOTSEX GIRLONGIRLONGUY HARDCORE XXX
The Pornographic Medium Today
To explain how this process works, we'd best start with some terminology. Small groups of computers the world over are each connected together into local networks called chat rooms. Chat rooms in turn are connected to each other by special servers running Windows Me to form the cyberweb as a whole.
Different kinds of information are encoded into different kinds of pornography. For example:
* IP (Interweb Pornography): is used to route pornographic images between distinct chat rooms. Its name sounds like "I pee." Teehee!
o IPv4 (iMac Porn Viewing 4.0): the first version of IP. It was invented by Oscar Wilde, and introduced to the public along with the iMac in 1969.
o IPv6 (International Pedophilia Victory 6.0): the new version of IP, optimized for images and video of young children, thanks to Microsoft Windows Media technology. It supports network-layer encryption to make it harder for the government to monitor your child pornography sharing, which is why the protocol's adoption by the global Internet community has been so fast, and the transition so painless.
* TCP (Teleconnected Cyberweb Pornography): encodes arbitrary data streams into grainy low-quality scans of old issues of Playboy.
* UDP (Ugly Data Pornography): encodes short fixed length packets into amateurish sketches of popular cartoon characters in kinky poses. Such a data packet is called a pornogram.
If you have any further questions, a good person to ask is your local network administrator, who spends each day dutifully watching the pornography exchanged on your local chat room. Do not bother this person lightly, though, or you may end up banned from the Internet. |
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Spontaneous human combustion
From Uncyclopedia
Spontaneous Human Combustion (or SHC) is a severe medical condition treatable only by an immense blazing inferno of death. Luckily for us, our immune system has developed over the years to be able to very quickly react to Spontaneous Human Combustion, so we generally have no reason to worry, as our white blood cells will create the necessary burning inferno of death and cure the condition without the need of other medical treatments, like costly placebos and vitamins.
SHC in History
Unfortunately, certain lifestyle choices and ethnic identities correlate to a weakened immune reaction to SHC, thus leaving the victims without any natural biological means to incinerate themselves. Several unprecedentedly philanthropic periods in history have been marked by large campaigns to aid SHC sufferers by providing free access to treatment.
The Science of SHC
SHC is still one of the most mysterious ailments known to the world. Due to the fact that the vast majority of SHC cases are instantly cured by the immune system's BIoD reaction, there are very few folks actually afflicted with the disease at any one time, something that makes it nearly impossible to actually study SHC.
Most scientific knowledge of the disease is based on research of its cousin, Spontaneous Macaque Combustion (SMC). The macaque immune reaction is much less extreme than that of the humans, generally indistinguishable from a slight fever, and generally leaves the afflicted macaque alive, if perhaps somewhat flustered. After many years of careful studies done on isolated macaque populations, and corroborating experiments done on the few documented human carriers of the disease, a few preliminary theories have been formulated as to causes of SHC and preventive measures that can be taken to prevent the disease.
Preventative Measures that can be Taken to Prevent SHC
Vaccination with SMC
The SMC virus can be injected in humans, causing only a relatively mild Blazing Inferno of Death.
Herbal Tea
The healing properties of many herbal teas have been shown to reduce the risk of SHC. |
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Starcraft
From Uncyclopedia
Starcraft is a card game invented by Sega during the Great Oppression in order to avoid their economic debts. The game involves a used car salesman as a dealer and two players. The dealer shuffles a regular deck of cards and gives three cards to each player, flips a coin, and the player that wins is determined by having the lowest or highest accumulated score, depending on whoever wins the coin toss. The lowest possible score is known as a Zerg rush, which can only happen if a player receives three 2's from the dealer. The highest possible score is a Maphack, which consists of a Six of Hearts, a Jack of Spades and a Ten of Clubs. Jokers are not included unless the players are Korean. The winning player may receive a prize consisting of eating brunch with the Pope. |
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World of Warcraft
From Uncyclopedia
��Damn Murlocs!��
— Oscar Wilde on
World of Warcraft is the number one cause of male infertility in the world. Users of WoW often sit in chairs that compress their genitalia. This frequently leads to cases of gangrene in the legs which is treated by amputation.
World of Warcraft is commonly thought to be a highly popular massively multi-player online gangrene. Users of the service pay Blizzard Entertainment, a popular pharmaceuticals firm a certain amount of money per month in order to keep their habit. Addiction to WoW is frequently noticeable by increase in the whites of the eyes, a loss of sex drive, blood pressure, and ultimately, sexual dysfunction as the user becomes dependent on the drug for entertainment.
Extensive use of the service is common throughout the United States of America, where it has caused the Intelligence Quotient of most middle aged students to rival that of neighbouring Mexico. Although reports suggest that this is the root cause of GameFAQs board posters with the Intelligence Quotient of a wood plank, this has not yet been entirely confirmed.
World of Warcraft is widely held to be a gateway game for harder addictions like Everquest II
The government of South Korea has considered banning the game, as the total domination of World of Warcraft by South Koreans has led to widespread infertility in the Korean population. However this will never happen, since in Korea only old people play World of Warcraft.
World of Warcraft is abbreviated as WOW. Other phrases that are abbreviated as WOW include "white old woman", "whistle or work", "why oh why" and "whippets often whisper". The connection between all of the above is clear and should be taken with a grain of salt and two aspirin. Please report your doctor to the proper authorities if you note any swelling in the abdominal region.
Project Malicious reviewers say: "This game is okay, but we're better!!"
It should also be pointed out that all noobs entering WoW are at great risk of being molested by a gang of veteran ogres known as "Blackhand's Teabaggers". odisejas is the leader of them.
Graphics
The graphics in this game could only be compared with one other game... That which must not be named. The way that the moving dots on the screen get together to form something addictive must be great technology, and if you looked closely enough, you would probably find this technology to be better than that used to make the game.
And, whilst walking dots sometimes do resemble a person, the person doesn't look like the soprt of person you would expect to find on a respectable game. It is this, in itself, that probably causes the high infertility rate in South Korea.
Characters
* Leeroy Jenkins
* odisejas
* Runehasa
Guilds
* Torment
Character Classes
* Rapist of the Seven Seas
* Freddie Mercury
* Drudge
* Hunter
* Mail_Carrier
* Paly-dim (changed by popular spelling)
* Priest
* Rouge (changed by popular spelling)
* Banjo
* Shaman
* Cosmetologist
* Prostitute
* Crazy_Frog
* Spork
* Russian Vodka Finder
* Cereal_killer
* Sophist
* Sheep shagger
* Treehugger |
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